WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Explaining his opposition to birth control, Senator Tommy Tuberville said on Tuesday that he opposes contraception and all other words with more than one syllable.
“I see the word ‘contraception’ and that’s a quick ‘no’ for me,” the Alabama lawmaker said. “Don’t know what that means. Won’t look it up.”
Proud of his consistent opposition to polysyllabic words, Tuberville said, “Immigration. Education. Vaccination. No, no, no.”
The senator said, however, that he would continue supporting one-syllable words such as guns and oil, adding, “Short words good. Long words bad.”
Someone needs their tuberville's tied.
This is not about today’s idiot.
I just want to thank the many people who responded so kindly to my post yesterday. They were not only comforting, but inspirational. I only hope everyone has the access to great medical care that I do. And that we all have the same wonderful results that some already have. These responses meant the world to me, especially on a long day of chemo. It’s so good to know there are still good people out there. Thank you. Lynne