317 Comments
User's avatar
Andy Borowitz's avatar

Good evening, all!

It's Come To This's avatar

Brilliant! But why only 15,000 ballots? Why so few? Surely they can find more...!

nacreplus2's avatar

Did his Sharpies run out of ink? I wonder how many signatures you can get out of each. Maybe he kept falling asleep? Well, it's surely a fake number anyway since he just makes up every number he quotes.

Seriously though, note that the Democrat won the Mar-a-Lago district by only 800 votes. Out of 30,000 that's a good percentage, but just 800 people together massively embarrassed Trump and got world-wide negative press for him. Thank you to every single one of them. Every vote counts!

marypaz's avatar

Sharpies? Naw. He used his auto-pen.

C K Smith's avatar

Of course he did!

Dana Campbell's avatar

Those of us who wrote postcards for Emily are thrilled that she won! It was so close that we may have made a difference by getting out the vote.

nacreplus2's avatar

Postcards are very powerful, both for those who write and those who are opening their mailbox in "receive mode" and are pleasantly surprised to find a handwritten message and a colorful postcard. In a few seconds they get the message in a friendly way. For more postcarding opportunities go to FieldTeam6 or Center for Common Ground, both who have phenomenal success rates!

(Field Team 6: "Register Democrats. Save the World.":https://www.fieldteam6.org/ and the Center for Common Ground that educates and empowers voters of color in voter suppression states.https://www.centerforcommonground.org/)

Dana Campbell's avatar

I use Postcards to Voters. You can sign up at Join@TonyTheDemocrat.org.

Moe G's avatar

Thank you for doing that and for this info!

nacreplus2's avatar

Tony has done great things and is a real postcard pioneer. However, I have found that the two organizations I mentioned have the best measured person-by-person results, often 10 times better than other well-known organizations.

Both organizations go back and do real checking on each person they contacted and compare with voter lists. They don't just take credit for participating in winning elections.

I think their secret is that their messaging is crafted by professionals and focused on their target audiences.

The Center for Common Ground works in particular African-American communities continually, listening to what people's concerns are and helping with specific solutions. Their graphics are also carefully designed to reinforce their messaging. Everything is very carefully designed and layered, each word chosen to resonate.

Field Team 6 takes messaging from https://asocommunications.com/. ASO's messaging is brilliant, continually focus-group tested, but not as closely focused on a concise, couple second long interaction with a postcard. It is best for opportunities for longer text. That said, FieldTeam6 is writting hundreds of thousands of postcards and getting people to register and vote and also text and phone call the same people when possible.

Moe G's avatar

And thank you very much

John Townsend's avatar

His Sharpies have been running out of ink for years!

MaryFaith  Chmiel's avatar

Was an auto pen signing those ballots?

John Townsend's avatar

It was the autocrat-pen!

John Townsend's avatar

They can be printed rapidly like money.....

Annette's avatar

he was going to send 11,780, but was cautioned by Bondi that that might raise suspicions.

Mary Gilbert's avatar

Good one, Andy-you speak in truth.

Autumn Mich's avatar

He did vote by mail--the same person who wants mail-in voting eliminated.

Edith Griffin's avatar

Can you imagine T lining up with the hoi polloi to vote in person -- or even putting his ballot into a ballot collection box himself ahead of time? The imagination reels.

Gail Klein's avatar

And showing ID!!

John Townsend's avatar

It and reality are already dizzily reeling!

Frau Katze's avatar

You can’t make this stuff up!

Diana's avatar

Ahem! Apparently you can. But who needs reality? Never did Donnie any good anyway.

John Townsend's avatar

One alleged little hand doesn't know what the other one is doing!

Timothy Cooper's avatar

Same old hypocrisy, nothing new to see here folks ...

- Karen Cooper

Oaktown's avatar

Yeah, and he said it's OK for him because he's the president. Of course.

Judy Nagle's avatar

Oh, how you got a chuckle out of me today, just reading the headline! Love your posts. Keep 'em going.

Oaktown's avatar

I save them as a chaser to the news, and even then Andy always makes me laugh. Thank you, Andy!!!

Pradnya Sikand's avatar

Andy , Good evening! Trump is frankly exhausting and his shenanigans are never ending but thank you for your trenchant wit and brilliant satire! 😂❤️

John Townsend's avatar

"Shenanigans"? More like criminal, dictatorial activity!

Pradnya Sikand's avatar

Euphemism for criminal dictatorial activity ! In the same sense as “excursion “ for full scale war ! 😉

Mike Sabes's avatar

Trump wants hi name on our currency, if it did not cost so much, I would happily use the bills with his name for toilet paper.

AVee. (Alexia)'s avatar

Good Evening Andy

So happy you are sending us joy!

☺️

Garnette Long's avatar

Spot on, Andy. You never cease to amaze and amuse us.

Rose Edgar's avatar

You are so funny and always make me laugh. Have a great day!

Virginia's avatar

Maybe he forgot to mail the other 1,499 votes. Tell him to look in the bathroom.

Kate Delano-Condax Decker's avatar

Hilarious comment! :-) !!

John Townsend's avatar

They have been either coated over with gold paint or hidden behind marble panels.!

Annette's avatar

bet some were accidentally flushed

Frau Katze's avatar

lol 😺😺😺

Annette's avatar

Eric colored all over them, and then threw them out so dad wouldn't get mad

Wis's avatar
1dEdited

Omigosh… I am ROLLING!! (I’m also seeing that I need to vacuum…). The irony and Trump’s utter hypocrisy and total lack of self-awareness simply SHINES in this post, Andy! Thank you!

(I actually said aloud, “How the fuck dare he!?” when I saw that he used a mail-in ballot.)

Weezie P's avatar

Great response, Wis!

Oaktown's avatar

Thanks for the double laughs, Wis! "I am ROLLING!! (I’m also seeing that I need to vacuum…)."

Diane Smith's avatar

Oh gawd. Am I allowed to use the 'h' word? I hate him.

Joanne Elizabeth Schulze's avatar

I'm sure the "h" word has been used more now than ever. Majority rules.

Frances López's avatar

In my language class today we talked about euphemisms & gave examples. In an earlier comment, I used "detest" for "hate." "Can't abide" is another. There are so many!

Linda's avatar

Loathe, Detest, Despise, and Abominate...the law firm we need to litigate the crimes against our beloved nation and Constitution. Where are you?

J Cheng's avatar

with all his revenge and grifting the only law firm left is Cheatum, Beatum, and Fleecem.

Jim Dygert's avatar

Also Dewey,Cheatum and Howe!

Linda's avatar

Which is the firm formed by Mr. Cheatum when he left his former firm of Dewey Cheatum & Howe, which was frequently mentioned on the late and much missed NPR program Car Talk. Well done, J Cheng!

Linda's avatar

That is the firm formed when Mr. Cheatum left his former firm of Dewey Cheatum & Howe, which was frequently mentioned on the late and much missed NPR program Car Talk. Well done, J Cheng!

John Townsend's avatar

--but "hate" is a direct, searing jet flame!

Diane Smith's avatar

Thank you! I've been trying not to.

Joanne Elizabeth Schulze's avatar

No worries--the "f" word is used even more.

Diane Smith's avatar

That one I use whenever needed (NOT superfluously, I want it to count ;) )

Annette's avatar

<appreciative applause>

Al Keim's avatar

Try- rat bastid.

John Townsend's avatar

Oh well, tell the truth!

Diane Smith's avatar

Yeah, what the heck. He is a horrible human in every way.

Annette's avatar

I try not to use the hate word, but I do prefer other options, like "despise", or "abhor"

Tucker's avatar

Funny as always, Andy. But my TDS weighs on me heavily today. Trump’s self parody, war crimes, sexual predation, pathologic lying, brazen grift , and abandonment of Ukraine keep me from laughing. Ugh.😩

Leslie's avatar

And yet he had the balls to ask Zelensky for drone help. Such a steaming 💩

Susan von Beethoven's avatar

Leslie…..I’ve never really liked the “shit emoji”. But you just made it relevant! No one better to apply it to, than the Big 💩 Fat 💩 Orange 💩 Pig 💩 Felon 💩

I’ve seen the light, it’s so useful. Thanks Leslie!

Barbara Hogan's avatar

You do a disservice to pigs. Wonderful creatures.

Li's avatar

Susan you're right, Too funny! He, faux-king, needs to eat 💩 and die. Would that make him a cannibal corpse?

Jan Fabiyi's avatar

Love that -- faux-king. That will keep the censors away. What a faux-king loser Trump is!

D ODonnell's avatar

Jan,

That phrase was used in various parts of the country in the #NoKings protests last year.

So clever!

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Faux-king piece of 💩.

John Townsend's avatar

Who would care if he has croaked?

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

ROTFLMAO!!!!! Thanks for serving up da 💩!

John Townsend's avatar

--and even that has become stone cold!

Annette's avatar

what's really sad is he doesn't realize how much leaders in other countries actually loathe (thanks, Al) him . . . he's missing such a large part of his cognitive thinking, its embarrassing

Leslie's avatar

He is the epitome of the Ugly American. Term 2 no holds barred embarrassing. The ridiculous cabinet of stooges that support him...it's just stuff you wanna scrape off your shoe. The rational world is laughing so hard they're peeing their pants.

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

And crying -- our democracy used to be what others aspired to... We've really let the world down... and ourselves.

D ODonnell's avatar

Oh Floofie, how tragically apt.

It’s heartbreaking, truly.

Wis's avatar
1dEdited

We’re crying with you. It’s overload. How this pedofuhrer is still walking around a free man instead of rotting in a dungeon or worse is baffling.

nacreplus2's avatar

"Pedofuhrer". Great name for him! There are so many, but this combines the two most salient aspects in one word with a great rhythm.

Dave Posner's avatar

I like "pedofuher"!

Susan von Beethoven's avatar

Wis…..Ask the GOP panty-wastes. I believe it all began with Turtle-Mitch.

Wis's avatar

Grr. Yeah. I wish he wouldn't wait til next year to retire.

Frances López's avatar

Maybe he will "pass away" or go to "the great beyond" or "kick the bucket." So many euphemisms for what we're thinking.

John Townsend's avatar

--like "fall on his face dead"!

Leslie's avatar

Too late the damage is already done

Annette's avatar

the Grand Poobah of Quislings

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Ya got that right! Quisling in deed and indeed.

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

I'm so confused! I'm rolling on the floor, but alternately LMAO, sobbing hysterically, and throwing a major tantrum. It's a bloody argle bargle.

Wis's avatar

LMAO - it is terrifyingly perplexing! (Very funny and sounds very British, "bloody argle bargle"!! :D )

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Buy howdy, don't I know it!!!

D ODonnell's avatar

While “Boy howdy” sounds — and is — very Coloradan.

Old railroad worker phrase,

I think.

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Thanks!!! Always wondered how it originated. I had a great-grandfather who worked the railroad in those parts, incl. Nebraska, Wyoming and so on. So maybe it's a family thing? Always amused me...

John Townsend's avatar

--while the rest of our country will experience an uptick in tranquilizers and

mood stabilizers.

D ODonnell's avatar

We’re with you Floofie, always.

Leslie's avatar

Love it pedofuhrer thanks for the new handle. It seems the list shall be neverending

John Townsend's avatar

Beyond baffling......

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Oh man, do I hear all that. Ugh to the nth degree!

J Cheng's avatar

I'm feeling the same today. I'm laughing silently while my body says enough of this 💩🌪️ (that's shit storm)

howard levitt's avatar

Probably got the address wrong, and he's too cheap to pay the postage.

Lynn Tuohy's avatar

Voters don’t have to pay postage. Yet.

Susan Stone's avatar

Oh yeah?? We do here in Texas, at least in El Paso. Since we are old, we have taken advantage of vote by mail since the start of the pandemic. The one good thing is that the ballot and its envelopes never weighs more than one ounce (it takes only one stamp).

John Townsend's avatar

God bless Texas' heart......

Al Keim's avatar

Yeah, everything's bigger in TeXas.

Gayle's avatar

No postage in Florida!

Wis's avatar
1dEdited

We do in CO. You lucky duck!

Actually, I don’t mind paying postage. It’s a privilege to vote by mail. Though I rarely need stamps, so I’m sometimes fruitlessly searching my desk drawers for one and end up having to drive to the post office. 🙄🙃

Gin's avatar

I live in CO too. Since you're out driving to the post office, why not take advantage of drop off places. No postage. Maybe a lot of gas depending on where you live in

CO.

Wis's avatar

Yes, I do that, too. I’m in Fort Collins and I live closer to a PO than I do a dropbox. But given the confusion and craziness of the upcoming midterms and probably all future elections (until trump is gone), i’ll drive a little farther and use a dropbox . 😊

D ODonnell's avatar

Hi Gin, ok to ask where you’re located in CO? Wis is in the Fort, Carla de La Rosa is in SE Aurora & I’m in SE Denver (City & County).

Gin's avatar

Arapahoe County

D ODonnell's avatar

My townhouse location borders unincorporated Arap County. The library there (ALD) accepts our ballots and delivers them to Denver’s Election office. They are wonderful people (Parker Rd. location) & great neighbors.

#VoteBlue

Noel's avatar

As a recent (and very happy) Texpat to CO, this will be my first opportunity to vote by mail!

Wis's avatar

It's kind of relaxing. You can really take your time blackening in those circles next to "Democrat" - it's fun if you don't have a line behind you at the polls. (If that's still how it's done, waiting in lines - I've been in a mail-in state so long, I don't know anymore!)

D ODonnell's avatar

Hi Noel, Welcome to sorta paradise. But we hope you left your giant suburban SUV back there, watch the speeding on highways and please don’t bring too many more up here after you.

No offense but y’all do have a reputation, you know.

Noel's avatar

Well, it's just my kind, quiet, educated, democracy-peace-nature-music-literature-art-organic-loving self with my rescue cats and a Subie, so I hope y'all don't hate people like me too much up here.

D ODonnell's avatar

Not at all, you’ll fit right in!

Especially if you live in Boulder, Boulder County or the Fort. Watch out for fire danger & please keep a hose handy.

And Welcome Aboard!

Al Keim's avatar

We should henceforth and forever separate the words 'privilege' and vote.

No one grants the 'privilege' to vote.

Voting is a right.

Anyone who gets in a voters way is in for one hell of a fight.

Wis's avatar

No, I wasn't saying that it's a privilege to vote, not in the United States - the right to vote is expressly [supposed to be] guaranteed in our Constitution. I meant that I consider myself in a "privileged" position because my state happens to have mail-in voting. (I specified mail-in.) :-)

D ODonnell's avatar

“Tis a Privilege to Live in Colorado-“

Old Denver Post front page masthead from the days when print was king. S i g h …

D ODonnell's avatar

Yo nabe, you beat me to it. My friends and I all use our handy local SECURE drop-off box at a nearby park. Some years, it’s like a big Blue neighborhood party. Hoping for that this November!

DebraFant's avatar

Oregon's been doing mail-in ballots for a decade or more with good results. We also end up with paper ballots to verify the vote if questioned, and no charge for mailing ballots. Our county is small enough to drive to the courthouse and there are collection boxes in all the small communities. I keep thinking about MN voters and wish we could fast track their system to do mailed ballots as there's no telling what BS disruptions ICE will do for May or Nov. elections.

Lynn Tuohy's avatar

I had assumed that MN is perhaps foresighted enough to already have voting by mail. I was just reading about their system: absentee ballots available for elections, permanent ones only for physically disabled with a doctor’s signature.

Makes me wonder if bone spurs are still a disability.

D ODonnell's avatar

We do pay to mail our ballots in Colorado. You’re very fortunate to live somewhere where it’s free.

As, of course, it should be.

Edward Jay Allan's avatar

The post office is practicing how to delay mail in ballots so that they arrive too late to be counted.

Leslie's avatar

Yes they are. So you just hand carry your sealed and sign ballot envelope to the closest election center and deposit it in a ballot box

Judith Richards's avatar

That's exactly what I do. Trust no one in the USPS. Sad.

Leslie's avatar

True that. He already tried that with Louis DeJoy with the 2020 election. Do you remember the post office mail delay prior and during that election? Google it

Leslie's avatar

They were finding bags of mail in the trash

Mary Gilbert's avatar

That’s exactly why we vote in person albeit we are within walking distance of our polling place (our local library).

Hank Greenspan's avatar

True. But some red states have deliberately located ballot boxes far from where most Dems live let alone have access to public transport. And most of Tuesday those folks are at work.

Frau Katze's avatar

Every vote suppression tactic they can think of will be used.

D ODonnell's avatar

We will still prevail in November, Frau.

Trust me.

Susan Stone's avatar

I'm not sure we even have ballot boxes in El Paso. If come election time we still have the voting station across the street, we'll make sure to check out if they have ballot boxes, or ask the election workers if they can accept our ballots.

BJones's avatar

I imagine they’ll be ‘selective’ about which areas get delayed & which get express service.

D ODonnell's avatar

Source, please?

Kimberly Swanson's avatar

As a person who now lives in Florida ( and often wishes I didn’t), this is priceless! We do vote by mail- if we will still be allowed. Let’s defeat Anna Paulina Lunatic, Florida’s Republican candidate for Governor ( endorsed by Trump), and other Republican members of the Florida congressional delegation. They are all spineless sycophants.

Frances López's avatar

Anna Paulina "Lunatic"--LOL

Simply Susan's avatar

Betcha he used the infamous autopen.

Jay F's avatar

Mar-a-Lago’s one of the frowsiest looking joints I’ve ever seen.

Signed,

Captain Spaulding

steve's avatar

Iran will have him on his knees and leaky Depends soon. The Republican Party have killed more Americans than Hitler or any terrorist organization in history. Putin and the Saudi’s must be very proud of their GOP purchases. Who are the terrorists?

Dave Posner's avatar

And how many more millions will die as a result of his environmental and public health policies.

D ODonnell's avatar

Thank you for bringing this up, Dave. It’s such a huge issue of critical importance but horribly, he is getting away with it.

So far …

Trish's avatar

Good one, Andy! But seriously, don't you wonder what actually goes on in his pea brain when he sees the truth before twisting it? Or is he so far gone he never sees the truth? A whole new division of psychiatry could be developed around him.

Marilyn Gillis's avatar

Many doctoral thesis will be written about the Trump cult.

Wis's avatar

👏👏👏. I’m pretty sure the leading psychologists in the nation are coming up with new syndromes by the hour due to this guy.

Mary Gilbert's avatar

Right, Wis; craven mental deficiency just doesn’t cover all the syndromes tRump possesses.

John Townsend's avatar

--while getting neck pain by shaking their heads!

John Townsend's avatar

Ah, yes, another psychiatric division!

BTAM Master's avatar

Couldn't happen to a nicer guy. So nice to occasionally smile while reading the news...

Meryl Lynn Straid's avatar

I was laughing the second I read the headline, “all 15,000 votes I mailed in…” hilarious!! 👏🔥🤣💙💙💙

Lynn Tuohy's avatar

Perhaps the Palm Beach county clerk needs to hire some protection.

John Townsend's avatar

Not from the Mob or Mafia! Maybe they are with Trump!

Anita a/k/a Needer's avatar

Where do you think he got his thinking from. He learned it from his father and the mob mentality they admired.

Lynn Tuohy's avatar

Would ICE be qualified?