305 Comments
User's avatar
Andy Borowitz's avatar

Very helpful of JD Vance to lecture the Pope about theology.

Cindy Froggatt's avatar

Maybe JD should stick to opining about his areas of expertise. Now, if we could just figure out what those are…

Pradnya Sikand's avatar

In the Gospel according to JD , he has the expertise to pontificate 😂( no pun intended! ) on everything from Catholic theology to the eating habits of Haitians ! 💕

Sandra M. Watson's avatar

Something about sofas

bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

The love that dare not say its name: sofaphilia

Al Keim's avatar

Aha! Italian! See how it all comes together?

Annette's avatar

<snort laugh>

Timothy Cooper's avatar

Leave it to people who know nothing of religion, much less anything else, to lecture and instruct the foremost religious figure in the world

- Karen Cooper

History Rhymes With Lee's avatar

Being able to walk with that spine of Jello

Robert E.'s avatar

Eyeliner extraordinaire.

MaryT's avatar

JD's "sofa-style"?

The Rickster's avatar

Building outhouses.

carol corsaro's avatar

How about lying, deflecting, harming citizens, pride, and lawlessness?

Nanci Bockelie's avatar

That would definitely shut him up.

Marjorie's avatar

no question, upholstery

SyBen's avatar

Area of expertise: young girls.

JODASHDE's avatar

One of your best today and I love the graphic

LiverpoolFCfan's avatar

Yes!

That's one of my favorite fantasies. Trump with a group of golf buddies (Hegseth, Miller, RFK Jr., et al.) during a fatal lightning strike.

Just think how difficult it would be for MAGAts to explain that!

If I were a praying woman...

Gwendolyn McEwen's avatar

I especially like the bolt of lightning--no murder, mayhem or assassination--merely an act of nature.

Annette's avatar

Leo has connections Jay Deviance and tRump cannot comprehend

SyBen's avatar

Just an act of God.

Sharon English's avatar

Chichi Rodriguez said only God can hit a 2 iron.

Al Keim's avatar

Hiding under a tree:-)

Linda Shapero's avatar

Can't you make an exception in this case? Every prayer counts, at least to those who believe. Thanks!

Scott S's avatar

"Anyway, the good Lord would never disrupt the best game of my life!... OH, RAT FARTS!"

Mary Hodges's avatar

Probably caused by one of those Jewish lasers MTG talked about.

Lillian Corti's avatar

Fabulous post, fabulous graphic!

It's Come To This's avatar

Yet a new sobriquet for the Rancid Dreamsicle — not just the bride at every funeral, the corpse at every wedding, the exorcism at every christening — but now the Illuminatus at every Conclave!

Carole Weintraub's avatar

trump gets high marks for fighting with the wrong people. Oh and

jd, another great American.

Stephen Brady's avatar

If JD Couch...... isn't the Antichrist - he is at least the Anticharisma.

Lady Emsworth's avatar

"The kind of guy who when he comes into a room, you feel like somebody's left it. . ."

Annette's avatar

or you feel like people's IQs drop

It's Come To This's avatar

Anticharisma Justa Dick I.

Susan Nathiel's avatar

This is SO GOOD!

Annette's avatar
1hEdited

Jay Deviance, the anti-cruller

Pradnya Sikand's avatar

Brilliant and mischievous Andy ! 😂I didn’t know a Yale law degree qualified you to become an authority on theology ! If I were the Pope , I’d avoid JD like the plague or the eighth deadly sin! 😂💕

Clym Yeobright's avatar

Have you noticed how much jd looks like Clint Eastwood in The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly? And just like Clint, he’s just passing through … in jd’s case, through the Catholic church. And jd doesn’t have a lot of time to linger around fixing it up; have you seen what the Bahai have been up to? So many religions, so little time!

ABuckley's avatar

No. (Sorry)!

I see adult Damien from those 1970's and & '80's Omen movies.

Lily's avatar

Now Damien was one scary dude! I only saw the first movie about 50 years ago & I'm still traumatized!

ABuckley's avatar

I can't believe it's been that long. WoW! But, check out Sam Neill in that one done in the '90's. Looks a lot like jdv.

SCS - Michigan's avatar

jd: "And you didn't say 'Thank you' once, Leo, to the President. You ungrateful whelp."

Kathy Beaudry's avatar

I was thinking the same!

Annette's avatar

I'm sure Leo was also told he "didn't have any cards," to which the Pope replied, "I hold all the cards, except tarot"

Clym Yeobright's avatar

Know what’s wrong with the Vatican? Not enough gold! Happily, some really great people, friends of trump, have offered to pay for the re-decoration of the Sistine Chapel - at no expense to the Catholic church! ‘Dogs playing cards’ has always been a fan favorite, don’t you think? And that back wall seems to have been *made* for a glowering trump head …

Taste! Ya got it or ya don’t

L B Rose's avatar

Please keep in mind that there is one item of gold that is absolutely NOT allowed into the WH or any place inhabited by Agent Orange: The Golden Rule

Lady Emsworth's avatar

Trump's "Golden Rule" is: "Do unto others first before they do it to you. . ."

Al Keim's avatar

And the corollary: Him what has the gold - makes the rules.

Lady Emsworth's avatar

Pity Michael Angelo isn't still around.

The Papal Master of Ceremonies Biagio da Cesena, claimed the excessive nudity in The Last Judgment was disgraceful, better suited for "public baths and taverns" than a papal chapel.

So MA painted HIM into the Last Judgement portion of the chapel as Minos, the judge of the underworld. Located in the bottom-right corner, the portrait features donkey ears (symbolizing foolishness) and a snake biting his genitals.

I can't imagine what MA would make of trump. . .

Edward Jay Allan's avatar

THANK YOU muchly for sharing this informative information (tautology intentional). I don’t imagine that the puppet of Putin’s Puppet will have learned

Clym Yeobright's avatar

Little snakes, tiny genitals?

Annette's avatar

Clym . . . you are making me heave laugh . . . and that's three levels above a snort laugh

Marianne's avatar

I learned so much! About how Jesus loves war and stuff.

Clym Yeobright's avatar

Just between us, Marianne, don’t you agree Jesus was really WEAK on crime? What’s with that ‘Good Thief’ bs?

If Jesus had just had Fred Trump for a father, he would have founded a religion we could be proud of!

Al Keim's avatar

Fred, like Jesus, gets blamed for a lot.

Sharon Herrick's avatar

I've always thought that Trump was making a very solid case for enforced sterilization. But it would have had to have been a very extensive program. (Don't you love "would have had to have been"?)

Annette's avatar

now I won't be able to sleep without the lights on, thinking of Fred.

Al Keim's avatar

Especially when you start one and kill children.

Corlis Robe's avatar

Has anyone noticed that JD doesn't spend much time around the Tangerine Turd lately? JD visits Pope Francis, Pope Francis passes. JD goes to Islamabad, negotiations fail. JD visits Mango Mussolini.....

Linda Shapero's avatar

Bring it on, JD!

Annette's avatar

perhaps he's tRump's illegitimate child; I mean, Jay Deviance's mom was a drug addict and things can get fuzzy

Katherine James's avatar

Every day another humiliation, reminding us that we have to stay strong and get our country back.

Christina Johnson's avatar

I may need to brush up on my papal directives, but I think I remember that the pope’s fallibility pertains to matters of theology. The vp needs to repeat some of his Catholic classes!

Al Keim's avatar

In...........

Linda Wood's avatar

Can you imagine! A trump stooge lecturing the Pope on theology! His hubris overwhelmed his brain; he is a low IQ person after all.

Rose Edgar's avatar

This is a good one Andy, vance thinks he’s the chosen one and knows all about catholic history. He’s been a catholic for what, about two days and knows it all. What a miserable person he is.

Annette's avatar

I'd like to see Jay Deviance and Pete Kegsbreath participate in Jeopardy: The Religious Version. Winner gets to follow tRump and change his diapers. Loser gets a trip to hell.

Lynn's avatar

You’d think JD Couch would know that lying is problematic within the Catholic doctrine.

Is he going to confess his lies and hypocrisy?

Jim Mole's avatar

How long has Vance been Catholic?

Christina Johnson's avatar

Since 2019, he’s hardly validated his Membership.

It's Come To This's avatar

Bringing with him those small — terribly small — coals to Newcastle.

Joanna Rysnik's avatar

I just read the title and start laughing out loud. Every morning, without fail. The pic of lightning bolt striking the donald is so much classier than any one he ever presented of himself. Can't stop laughing. Thanks.

Kathy Beaudry's avatar

Especially priceless is him getting struck on his precious golf course. So glad this war that’s over hadn’t hampered his T time.

Clym Yeobright's avatar

When the Vatican first announced that Leo had won election by exactly 11,780 votes, I knew there was something fishy going on

Frau Katze's avatar

Were they mail-in ballots? They’re the worst!

Clym Yeobright's avatar

Military mail-ins! From suckers and losers in the Church Militant. What’s in it for them anyway?

Frau Katze's avatar

I knew it! Putin told Trump all about this. Thankfully. Now maybe there will be a recount. And justice!

Clym Yeobright's avatar

From the Department of Now It Can Be Told:

Putin has explained to the Donald that in 1939 Stalin was elected pope but Pius XII stole it from him. Stalin wanted to contest it but foolishly worried he might upset the stability of Europe, so just let it go. If trump had only been able to stay awake at Pope Francis’s funeral, things would be very different today.

I learned this from Mr Peabody so you know it’s true

Stephen Brady's avatar

A great piece of satire has a hint of truth about it. Andy - you are a master!

Linda Allison's avatar

Trump needs to be removed.

Terri Smith's avatar

Red Cross Doctor Trump. Lmao. Trump pulled that one out of his butt. Vance remains a soulless sycophant.

Brenda Reiss's avatar

Loved the lightening a perfect coda

Andy Borowitz's avatar

I think that lightning was done by a "doctor."

Paul Snyderman's avatar

The newest in cloud technology. Cloud lobotomy.

BTAM Master's avatar

In Trump's case, how would we know if it worked or not?

Clym Yeobright's avatar

Little known fact: ‘Doctor’ was a big mistake; he intended to tell Grok to show him as a Medici … but he covfefe’d off for the last letter

Pradnya Sikand's avatar

Was it Doctor Jesus ? 😂

History Rhymes With Lee's avatar

Maybe that lightning strike would turn the Orange Monster into a human? Nah.

Margot Booth's avatar

Brilliant, Andy. Just Brilliant.

Patricia Dempsey's avatar

Sounds about right! Imagine my surprise when I learned from Trump that the Pope was soft on crime and his foreign policy stinks. I mean, I've been a lifelong Catholic and never dreamed there was foreign policy as part of the Pope's jobs. And at 78 I'm totally open to learning new things. I wonder if they have a 'Department of War' as well...

Clym Yeobright's avatar

Remember Saint Dismas? I rest my case.

If Jesus had just spent a few years at military school … what a wonderful world it would be

EJN's avatar

Or…if Fred Trump was a carpenter and Joseph was a villainous real estate mogul. Even if FredTrump were a simple carpenter, he would still screw his clients and endorse the Roman Crucifix Co. Conversely Joseph would not have worried about finding room at the inn and Mary would have given birth at a Bethlehem spa.

Clym Yeobright's avatar

Indeed! Nicely done, ejn

Bryarly Lehmann's avatar

On point, as usual Andy. Thank you for keeping us sane.

Roland Saeger's avatar

Pro-life American Catholics gleefully hopped into bed with the Antichrist in 2016 to get Roe v. Wade overturned.

I'm now an ex-Cathloic.

Frances López's avatar

Thank you. Some of us refer to ourselves as "recovering Catholics." I left at age 17. The issue for me was birth control. I am the oldest of 9 children.

Roland Saeger's avatar

Thanks for sharing your experiences, Frances. I left a lot later than you did. I just couldn't deal with the hypocrisy anymore.

Frances López's avatar

I was also disgusted that the pastor of our church preached a sermon that we should support our gov't's efforts in Vietnam. I'm sure that didn't sit well with my very-Catholic father who was one of the first people I knew who strongly opposed U.S. involvement in that war.

Jay F's avatar

Andy is the modern Saint Hilarius

Harriet's avatar

Rigging is the "Cardinal" rule in Trump World. There is no other way.

Barbara's avatar

What was frightening has now moved on to theatre of the absurd. Lecturing the Pope???

Mary-Jean Miner's avatar

On THEOLOGY??? There are no words!

Clym Yeobright's avatar

Well, nobody expected the Spanish Inquisition, but here we are (in our comfy chairs)

Steve Park's avatar

Trump clearly picked JD to keep the 25th Amendment at bay.

Randall Sorenson's avatar

Nailed it! You didn't even have to make this up. Though the lightening bolt is great.

Al Keim's avatar

Alright, 'Nailed' is colloquially understood to be a measure of exactafacation but in this case a bit too descriptatorial.