300 Comments
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Andy Borowitz's avatar

Happy New Year to the entire TBR community! Thanks for being here and making my day, every day. ❤️

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Richard Lane's avatar

Thanks for devoting your time to us!

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Pradnya Sikand's avatar

Happy New Year again Andy! A strong cup of coffee and the TBR in my inbox is a wonderful and positive way to start the year 😉The coffee fortifies and your brilliant satire brings sanity and laughter to my day 😂

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E. Sherman's avatar

I assume the coffee is so you have something to spit out when you read his hilarious missives.

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Pradnya Sikand's avatar

😂I agree TBR should come with a warning-hazardous if consumed at same time as mouthful of hot coffee! But I have been following TBR for a long time and have had years to hone my my coffee-drinking-hilarious-missive reading skills!😉

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Susan Barnes's avatar

I have been a subscriber for over a year, and I still haven’t learned to swallow the coffee before reading. I guess I really am one of Drumph’s stupid people.🤣🤣

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Pradnya Sikand's avatar

😂No stupid person reads TBR 😂Give yourself some time to master this skill!

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Sharon C Storm's avatar

🤣😂🤣😂

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Cindy La Ferle's avatar

Thank YOU, Andy, for making every day brighter for all of us. We love you!

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L B Rose's avatar

Ending the horror show of 2025 with the smiles and laughter you provide makes facing the new year palatable, if not with hope and resilience. Thanks for all you do and may 2026 bring more laughter and fewer tears!

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Klarity's avatar

Paraphrasing the late Czech president and dissident Vaclav Havel, we may not be optimistic yet, but we are hopeful ❤️

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Diane Smith's avatar

Well said!

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Amy Cain's avatar
3hEdited

AB, May 2026 be the Magic Number that turns all this Bullshit around right into Humptee’s face and he loses his nose, eyes, ears, and his entire face! Acetaminophen won’t help one bit!!! Thank you for your humour!! You’re a great influence on my misery!!!

Love, Apc xxxxxxooooooo!!!

ps~ May he please also lose those f____king cankles!!!!!

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Wis's avatar

Happy new year, Andy and fellow TBRers!! May 2026 see a blue wave wash out maga for good, and may healing, renewal and reversal of ALL trumpstein damage begin!! ❤️‍🩹

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bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

Thanks for your wit and humor!

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Kathleen's avatar

Happy New Year, Andy.

Your clever wit is indispensable and helps keeps us sane.

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Katherine James's avatar

Thanks, Andy, for starting off 2026 with a huge laugh!

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Stephanie MacLeod's avatar

Happy New Year Andy and all my fellow TBR folks for our first laugh of the day. We survived 2025 together. 2026 here we come! Love from Massachusetts. J&S

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Sharon C Storm's avatar

You make my day, Andy! Your brilliant satire causes joy and laughter (and sometimes mental images - like the felon wearing a sandwich board) that make me giggle every time I think of them throughout the day.

Happy New Year you to you and yours!

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Klarity's avatar

Happy New Year! 🥂💖

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Deb Borrelli's avatar

Off to a fantastic start, Andy! 😂😂

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Joanne  Miller's avatar

Happy New Year to you and your family! Keep ‘em comin’!

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misia.d's avatar

A 🌟BRILLIANT!!!🌟 start to 2026! Thank you Andy!

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MICHAEL DELUGG's avatar

Back at ya, Andy!

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Denis Pombriant's avatar

I still want to rename Mar-a-Lago Guantanamo North. Can we work on that in ‘26?

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Dan Starr's avatar

Remember: the only difference between an exclusive gated community and a prison is which side of the gate the lock is on!

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Linda McCaughey's avatar

Maybe we could switch them....

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bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

Or, CECOT Annex

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Bradford W.'s avatar

What's next - a free pardon with your ticket?

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Thomas Taylor's avatar

FAKE NEWS! Pardons are not free. See the White House website for a price list.

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Wis's avatar

Har!

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Sandra Nicht's avatar

I hope y'all know a South Park writer bought the domain for TrumpKennedyCenter.org.

It will be wild!

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Andy Borowitz's avatar

I heard that!

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Sarah McAuliffe-Bellin's avatar

I love that this happened. South Park has been relentless this past year. There’s hope for humanity.

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L B Rose's avatar

Yes! It now features the "Epstein Dancers"! Can't wait!

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Dan Starr's avatar

I thought pretty much anyone can get a FIFA Peace Prize, since the DC McDonalds started including them in every Happy Meal.

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M G McBride's avatar

Can't wait to see what South Park comes up with! Such quick thinking on that writer's part. Do you think the soccer people could give him/her a Peace Prize?

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Paul Ehrenzeller's avatar

It would be great if FIFA gave the South Park writers its second annual peace prize. FIFA is at that critical junction where they need to decide if their peace prize will continue, giving it to South Park could establish their legacy! They could become the next Hollywood Foreign Press Association/Golden Globes!

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M G McBride's avatar

Oh, that would be absolutely delicious!!

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John Gregory's avatar

quite a brilliant prank - but there would be legal issues (intellectual property, trademark, passing off) in actually using the domain for an entertainment venue. But just the thumb in Trump's eye is worth celebrating.

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Wis's avatar

Yup!! Can’t wait to see what Toby puts on there!

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Catmn5's avatar

He might be able to fill the seats with everyone he’s pardoned, so far. He’d have to keep his eye on the silverware, though……

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Gabriele C Overweg's avatar

What silverware? I thought it's all gold.

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The Rickster's avatar

Fake gold plastic picnic ware.

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bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

With cubic zirconia accents!

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Wis's avatar

😅👏 Catmn5!! (Ironically, and hilariously, he could easily fill the Kennedy Center five times over with felons he pardoned; but unless the event is a WWE wrestling blowout or a machine gun show, none of them have any interest in going.)

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M Q's avatar

If they don't fill the seats, he will retract the pardons.

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jb from Weston's avatar

What a rectal cavity he is.

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Maria Jette's avatar

Hey! Rectal cavities are innocent, hard-working, and productive.

Let us not sully that noble organ by likening it to a malevolent blot which is the antithesis of all those things (and reputedly stinkier).

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Annette's avatar

besides, truth be told, he's the substance that fills recital cavities

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Darlene D. Townsend's avatar

Happy New Year--midterms are coming! Keep hope alive!

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Stephen Brady's avatar

And you will get to rest your poor, sore elbows on marble armrests? If you will just buy season tickets, you get upgraded to the marble seats!

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Jim Dygert's avatar

We think alike on this one!

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Janeo's avatar

People say the present toilets will all be replaced with gold ones from Home Depot. People are saying that!

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Annette's avatar

grown men, with tears in their eyes, are saying that

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Marianne Burbank's avatar

Are you talking about the Trump Lincoln Memorial?

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Joan Schiavi's avatar

Wait, memorial means he’s dead. Please tell me this is not fake news 🙏

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Marianne Burbank's avatar

Everything everyone writes on here is true! That and well, he is brain dead…Now if we could only rid ourselves of his big stinky shell….

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Annette's avatar

<appreciative applause>

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Stephen Brady's avatar

But, of course!

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Wis's avatar

😅😅😅 (marble armrests *do* sound awfully uncomfortable. Maybe trump can brag about ending another war: no longer will people fight for domination of the armrest.)

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Lee Roscoe's avatar

I misread it as "unrest" that works! We should all dominate the unrest. (or some such)

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Wis's avatar

😅

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Annette's avatar

sounds so comfortable! and very much like tRump, cold and hard

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Bob Graham's avatar

Also, cold and brainless.

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Concerned Citizen's avatar

As I opened my tablet this morning, the headline popped up and my first thought was it had to be Andy! Thank you so much for my morning smile. A happy and hopeful new year to you and your family and to all of the TBR members! You keep us all sane!!

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BTAM Master's avatar

Happy new year folks!

So...are we commenting now because we went to bed early or because we're still partying from last night or because we live in a non- USA time zone? If it's the last option, can we rent your cellar please?

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Phil M.'s avatar

I didn't go to bed early. Stayed up way past my bedtime. It was 9:15.

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It's Come To This's avatar

Pretended we were living near Greenland somewhere so we could say “fuck you, Don-Old” AND be in bed by 9:30, claiming we’d just rung in the new year. Mission accomplished!

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BTAM Master's avatar

Pretending we are living elsewhere has suddenly become a fantasy in our lives...

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Annette's avatar

BTAM: We have lived elsewhere, and it was a land called America, and one day soon, we will have that land back

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BTAM Master's avatar

We made it to 11. We watched "The Outer Limits." Which of those two gives away our age?

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Phil M.'s avatar

If they brought back "The Outer Limits" today, it would be reality TV.

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BTAM Master's avatar

If only life were that corny and cheesy again...

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Irna Gadd's avatar

We watched The American Revolution on PBS. Tells you everything about us! It’s truly fascinating how some of the original aims of the rebellion - the refusal to pay outrageous taxes, and the wish to free the colonies from the rule of the king - resonate with the wish to be free from the current tyrant and his dictates.

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Wis's avatar
1hEdited

57! I stayed up past midnight but it was accidental - I lost track of time writing and comforting my dog, who was terrified by neighborhood idiocy (firecrackers were still going off at 2am).

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Wis's avatar

Har! I was writing last night, looked up, and it was 12:07! Though I’m cautiously optimistic about 2026, I fear trump will ramp up the terror and horror and voter suppression campaigns more feverishly than ever in the months before the 2026 midterms. I dread that.

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Nancy's avatar

Happy new year! Thanks for helping us stay sane!

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Glenn Sills's avatar

I see that you posted this early on New Years day. I supposed with Trump in office and doing stuff you don't get a lot of time to sleep. Keep up the good work, but remember to breath.

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Catherine Alvarez's avatar

Could almost believe that to be true 😊

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Andy Borowitz's avatar

Everything I write is true.

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Catherine Alvarez's avatar

Of course it is Andy 😊

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David's avatar

ANDY! Are you off your meds again?

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Irna Gadd's avatar

Andy always writes the truth!

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Steve Benko's avatar

"I'll fund the operation," he said, "by replacing all the paintings in the National Gallery of Art with pictures of me and raising the free admission by 5000 percent. Pete, Pam, Marco, Mike Johnson, all kinds of people will flock to it!"

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Annette's avatar

and genuflect as they enter the building to behold such greatness (I threw up a little writing that, even though its not true - sometimes the level of my own sarcasm scares me)

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Marlene R's avatar

Andy, they don't make sandwich boards that big. Must've been a billboard.

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Cindy Froggatt's avatar

Should we conclude that MAGA red-hatters are not theater-goers?

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Andy Borowitz's avatar

Safe call.

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Amy Cain's avatar

100%!!!!!!!!!!!

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Annette's avatar

unless its the drive-in the-ater on highway 43

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Cindy Froggatt's avatar

Let’s not insult drive-ins

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Annette's avatar

true; my apologies - drive-ins are a joyful reminder of a happier time

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