395 Comments
User's avatar
Andy Borowitz's avatar

He left out Hussein!

Pradnya Sikand's avatar

😂I noticed that ! I guess Hussein isn’t white nationalist Christian enough! Thanks for the morning chuckle Andy ! 😂

ISOequanimity's avatar

Of course they want him to change his name to Trump. “Barack Hussein Obama” is too hard to spell. After all, they’ve forgotten the apostrophe/s in “Trump’s Derangement Syndrome” for years.

Old Man Kerapsak's avatar

He couldn’t pronounce Hussein.

bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

Or spell it.

Obama is living rent-free in what's left of Donald's brain.

D ODonnell's avatar

100%. Hope Obama is enjoying it. We sure are!

John Townsend's avatar

Not much space left!

David Gardiner's avatar

Plenty of space. Most of it is empty.

Cindy Froggatt's avatar

And, Michelle - he ignored her! Perhaps “Michelle Melania Obama Trump” would be best?

Marlene R's avatar

LOL! Love how you worked "be best" in there - artful!

D ODonnell's avatar

But with upper case Be Best.

Or

“I really don’t care, do U?”

John Townsend's avatar

Melania's true name: "Hussy Galore"!

D ODonnell's avatar

How about hyphenating it?

Michelle Melania Obama-Trump?

John Townsend's avatar

Let's not........

David Gardiner's avatar

Perhaps his most generous gift to Michelle Obama was considering her worth ignoring.

Brenda Reiss's avatar

Of course he did

J Cheng's avatar

Love this one! I think perhaps he would add in some Irish flavor and make it O'Bama.

Bob Graham's avatar

Well that would help get the Alabama voters.

John Townsend's avatar

Do we really want to?

DebbieM (OH)'s avatar

Maybe he doesn't know how to spell it...

Wis's avatar

Hussein is too Saddam-evocative for trump, per his sycophantic entourage who try to render trump’s actions sane to the public. But really, spelling it proved too much a challenge for the president.

KHKate's avatar

I was in hysterics after just the headlines!

Martha's avatar

Clearly, a sign of his encroaching dementia!

Judy Nagle's avatar

Oh, I chuckled when reading this. So funny! And true. But when he's kicked out of office, the next GOOD President will replace everything! Hooray!!!

D ODonnell's avatar

We can only hope, Judy.

Reva Potter's avatar

Of course he did

John Townsend's avatar

"Hustler, Hack": middle names more appropriate for Trump!

Al Gorythm's avatar

The only thing I’m looking forward to seeing with Trump’s name is a tomb stone.

Paul's avatar

Here lies Donald Trump

he lied with every breath all his life,

now he lies silent, for eternity

let us remember a Trump is never a Truth

Al Gorythm's avatar

At least he won’t have to lie in state because he’s already lied in every state he’s ever been to!

GingerLee's avatar

you win .......priceless

Robert S Hunter's avatar

But, he’s actually only been in a handful of states.

Al Gorythm's avatar

The states of delusion, confusion with his permanent residence in the state of denial.

Octavia Redwood's avatar

supposedly he's campaigned in all 50, so he HAS lied in every state.

Susie's avatar

Ba dum tiss!!! 🥁

Wis's avatar

Har!! Funny, Al!

marlyg's avatar

🤣🤣🤣 so true!

John Townsend's avatar

Insert rimshot here!

Sheri Drisac's avatar

🎯 Spot On, Al!!!

Lee Roscoe's avatar

You mean he trumped half the country?

Elaine Young's avatar

I vote for getting rid of the word "trump" when he dies so that we never have to hear it again.

D ODonnell's avatar

“I second the emotion.”

John Townsend's avatar

I third and fourth it!

Celia Smith's avatar

Guess I'll settle for fifth.

Laurie's avatar

But but but.... Mary Trump!!!!

John Townsend's avatar

Well, yeah, but maybe she will change it! I wonder if she isn't sick of it herself!

SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

Maybe she'll get married

John Townsend's avatar

I think she is already partnered, if not same-sex married, already!

Linda McCaughey's avatar

The sooner, the better. Preferably on a golf course far, far away....Mars, maybe??

Concerned Citizen's avatar

What a great idea! He could be the first humanoid to populate Mars… as dust!

John Townsend's avatar

The orange dust would fit in with the Martian color palette!

Diana's avatar

Musk wants SpaceX to build a community on the moon in the next 10 years, so that's an option.

Annette's avatar

I don't know if we can wait that long

Diana's avatar

Hmmm ... okay, what if he gets the "Grand Prize" to go up on the next SpaceX test flight? Wait—haven't most of those flights exploded?

Annette's avatar

of course . . . shove him into a SpaceX flight asap!

Diana's avatar

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Susan Stone's avatar

The only problem I see with that is that all his shit would still rain down on the world.

Diana's avatar

But it would hopefully be a 1-time event, instead of this daily shit-storm we are dealing with.

Susan Stone's avatar

Yes, hopefully. But if he somehow survives…

Linda McCaughey's avatar

Nobody survives being buried on a golf course on Mars. Nobody.

Diana's avatar

Like cockroaches and Twinkies.

ISOequanimity's avatar

I wonder what the epitaph will be. Not the one in his estate planning. The one US citizens will demand once this regime is no longer in power.

Al Gorythm's avatar

Here lies a lying liar who spent his entire life lying about the lies he was lying about.

Al Gorythm's avatar

However the final epitaph reads, they better install an industrial size urinal drain system because that’s one drain that’s going to be swamped!

Annette's avatar

he's drained the swamp and replaced it with a cesspool

ISOequanimity's avatar

That’s a great idea. Keep a portapotty next to the grave.

Annette's avatar

nah, just use the grave site

ISOequanimity's avatar

I know but think of the photo ops!

Susan Stone's avatar

And never have it serviced.

ISOequanimity's avatar

Here lies a convicted felon found guilty of dozens of counts of fraud and liable for SA and defamation.

Ted Loewenberg's avatar

And that's no lie.

It's Come To This's avatar

Not sure we'll be able to make it out once 274,897,116 people piss on it.

Elaine Young's avatar

As I said earlier - I would like to see the word "trump" banished from the English language when he dies.

D ODonnell's avatar

And the name Donald, too.

Sorry all you Dons.

Susan Stone's avatar

That would get rid of my maternal grandfather, who I suspect was not a very nice person, given who his children turned out to be. Getting rid of that name would be an excellent idea.

Celia Smith's avatar

That was my father's name, and it pisses me off that Lumpy's is the same.

John Townsend's avatar

"Here below is Donald Trump

Hair of orange, brain like a stump.

His lying tongue now is still.

No more any illegal raid.

No more payments to evade

Now he has to pay the bill!

ISOequanimity's avatar

Bravo! I’ve been stymied looking for something that rhymes with short-fingered vulgarian…

Martha Hill's avatar

Not proud of it but I certainly agree. I am unaccustomed to wishing so strongly that someone would die, but here we are!

Al Gorythm's avatar

“I would never wish death on any man, but some obituaries I have read with great delight"

Mark Twain

Annette's avatar

I think that sometimes too, Martha . . . I'm not usually that person, but at this point, I think he's gotten on God's last nerve too.

Richard's avatar

I agree with you 100%!

Laurie Edelman's avatar

Or an arrest warrant.

Larry Caringer's avatar

I’m pretty convinced we’re not living in the real world anymore. When a President holds apprised funds hostage unless buildings are named after him…and his party agrees with him…it’s a black comedy competing with “Springtime for Hitler.” I’m not laughing.

Erik Staub's avatar

It’s more likely a White tragic comedy.

Barbara G Bornstein's avatar

I know you're right, but I can't help laughing. I apologize.

Michael Bowe's avatar

I'm starting to feel like one of my dead friends or relatives is going to walk out from behind a bush and I'll realize that this IS an immersive, cartoon simulation.

D ODonnell's avatar

Bravo, Larry. Spot on!

Marc Panaye's avatar

I hear that Trump has put his name like a million times all over the Epstein files.

Paul Ehrenzeller's avatar

As Michael Kosta said last night, The Trump Files, featuring Jeffrey Epstein!

Annette's avatar

perhaps we should all refer to them as the Trump-Epstein files now.

Karen OConnor's avatar

I love this idea!!!!!

Kimball C Pier's avatar

He wants to be renamed Jeffrey Trumpstein

D ODonnell's avatar

Or Donald Eptrump?

Candy C's avatar

LOL - good one!

Jonathan Weker's avatar

How many folks out there are in favor of tearing down Trump's East Wing Ballroom as soon as he leaves office?

Michael Stayton's avatar

If it is ever built.

And replace it with new East Wing. Designed with input from the future First Lady. Upgraded basement for national security.

Daisy White's avatar

Do you mean First Gentleman?

Annette's avatar

I see what you did there!

Wendy Tucker's avatar

What a great idea. And what if they are domestic partners? Are we enlightened and tolerant enough to elect a president who is not married? Who might be 'with' someone in a long-term relationship but not officially married? And----IMAGINE--what if the person was contentedly single. Are we ready for this?

Doreen Dalesandro's avatar

Just what I was thinking, Daisy🤓🖖🏻

Frances López's avatar

I think E. Jean Carroll might have some good ideas of what it could be used for. Something to serve the public.

Al Keim's avatar

That should be a campaign promise, along with the arch.

Celia Smith's avatar

DEFINITELY the Arch de Trash. Of course he chose the super colossal size, like his ego, making it way worse.

Annette's avatar

we may luck out and there won't be anything to tear down for the tRump Food Court and Cafeteria

The Rickster's avatar

How about transforming it into indoor gardens like at Longwood in Pennsylvania?

Suzi Harkey's avatar

Oh just a lovely way to start my day! Coffee and a good laugh!

Marc Panaye's avatar

I just flushed a number two..... I gladly named it "Trump"

modj's avatar

A truly royal flush!

Jonathan Aborn's avatar

I gotta go take a Trump……..

Rosemary Ehle's avatar

I just bought the Trump toilet brush as a hostess gift. My late husband collected political campaign buttons starting in the 1950's and after his death I sold them to a collector. The big payoff was for the ones for the presidential campaigns of FDR, TR and earlier. Wonder if the Trump stuff will be collectible.

Diana's avatar

Likely collected for a nationwide bonfire.

Annette's avatar

I think the best thing we can do, when tRump makes his exit to Hades, is have what used to be a "good old-fashioned book burning." However, we should expand it to include every single tRump product ever produced: Watches, sneakers, bibles, NFT cards, etc. And the burning should be held in Texas (that is, unless something bad happens to Texas, now that the El Paso airport has been shut down for 10 days . . . what the hell Is Petey Kegsbreath planning???)

Frances López's avatar

Military action vs. Mexico? I'm appalled. It's all very ominous.

Annette's avatar

and it has just been reported, that the ban has been lifted. Someone has some 'splaining to do.

Doreen Dalesandro's avatar

“Officials on Wednesday offered conflicting explanations for a temporary closure of airspace over El Paso, after the Federal Aviation Administration rescinded an order issued hours earlier to ground flights for 10 days.”

conflicting explanations: what a surprise 😮

The left hand does not know what the right hand is doing 🤬🤬🤬🤬

https://www.nytimes.com/live/2026/02/11/us/faa-el-paso-flights-airport

Annette's avatar

that's par for this administration . . . DOJ, DHS, FBI and now the FAA. As it turns out, apparently here were drones they felt the Mexican cartel were sending in . . . honestly, if I lived in Texas, I'd be nervous because I don't think the government knows what its doing.

Leslie's avatar

Only to MAGA morons. They'll build shrines in their living rooms of Trump gold sneakers, Trump coins, Trump gold lame spray painted wall decor and have weekly prayer meetings reading from the Trump bible. Feasting on Quarter Pounders and Diet Coke.

D ODonnell's avatar

Excellent scenario. That Diet Coke certainly doesn’t seem to be working, does it?

Leslie's avatar

Always made me gain not loose. Might as well go for the gusto and have a real coke.

Wendy Tucker's avatar

I wish these fools cardiac arrest or at least severe chest pains.

John Townsend's avatar

--Christian Nationalist communion!

Octavia Redwood's avatar

maybe collect everything and send it to Musktown on Mars ?

Karen OConnor's avatar

I have a roll of anti-Trump TP. Interested?

Veejer's avatar

Unfortunately, it will not pass the scarcity test. But lets hope it joins the category of "items prohibited for sale" on respectable collectors sites.

Rosemary Ehle's avatar

There you have it. Anything from Ike to the present had no value because of mass production. This is the most desired:

The 1920 Cox-Roosevelt campaign button is highly valuable—with one selling for over $185,000—due to its extreme rarity and historical significance, as it features future president Franklin D. Roosevelt in a lost, unsuccessful campaign. These small, double-portrait buttons were not produced in large quantities, making them exceptionally rare treasures.

Wendy Tucker's avatar

It probably will, but hopefully as examples of how extreme the public loathing and ridicule of a president has become. I'm old, and have experienced reactions to many presidents. Even the criticisms and dislike were tempered with some respect--even if it was for the office. The hatred for Trump has risen to new heights -- public wishes for his death. There is merchandise with these sentiments is sold. People speak of this openly. This is so unique that I believe all tangible memorabilia will be considered valuable and collectible. Hold onto it.

Sheri Drisac's avatar

I was given one of those toilet brushes and I taped it to my No Kings protest sign...with just the brush/face sticking up over the top. It gets a lot of laughs!!!

Michael Bowe's avatar

I have Trump toilet paper and a bar of "Trump's Tiny Hand Soap" in the powder room.

Frances López's avatar

The late Kinky Friedman called a "dump" a "Nixon." But that was another era. Same idea.

Donna Fay's avatar

Good one. I have to trump.

Double-A's avatar

The 'little ones' - when they show up - get named "Trumpets"

John Townsend's avatar

Not on a gold toilet? Doesn't count!

Michael Bowe's avatar

Kinky Friedman used to call it "Taking a Nixon", so there is precedent.

Sarah McAuliffe-Bellin's avatar

He acts like a king, wants to rule by fiat. But a grand jury rebuked him and DoJ big time by refusing to indict Mark Kelly, my Congressman Chris Deluzio, and the other four. Power to the people!

D ODonnell's avatar

That decision was a high point in recent news. I actually clapped at the TV seeing it on BBC-News America.

Sarah McAuliffe-Bellin's avatar

Me too! I laughed out loud. My SIL is a lawyer and she’s fond of saying that grand juries will indict a ham sandwich so what was presented must’ve been pretty stupid.

Celia Smith's avatar

I think this is Boxwine's 6th(?) failed indictment. Another idiot in the cabinet.

D ODonnell's avatar

Or the people on that particular Grand Jury must be folks with brains and a strong sense of decency.

We need more of them.

Lynne Fellman's avatar

To show his sincerity he lifted tariffs on Hawaii.

Joe Tye's avatar

Republican who sit passively on the sidelines watching Trump paste his name on anything that doesnt move (or in the case of battleships anything that does move) should remember the Sacklers, whose name was unceremoniously pulled from museums and other institutions around the world when their crimes were made known. Trump and MAGA are to politics what the Sackler family and oxycontin were to Pharma.

Annette's avatar

here's a thought, as tRump leaves office (hopefully soon, ideally in a body bag), we rename all public toilets and waste processing facilities, after the retrumplicans who served under him. I personally can't wait to use the Claudia Tenney public toilet and diaper changing station.

D ODonnell's avatar

The Lauren Boebert Solid Waste Facility in Northern Colorado

Jan Fabiyi's avatar

Thanks for the heads up, I’d better move my car.

D ODonnell's avatar

Check out the Harvard Art Museums online. HAM would NOT remove the Sackler name from the one building of 3 that comprise the HAM.

I visit once a year and refuse to enter the Suckler Wing.

(Not a typo)

Joe Tye's avatar

Maybe when the photo of Trump and Putin is removed from the White House it can be relocated to the Suckler Wing.

D ODonnell's avatar

And it is a wonderful collection; beautiful Persian and other exquisite Middle Eastern items. The illustrated miniatures are / were a joy to behold. #Tragic

Robyn Boyer's avatar

Trump seeking honors (other than those he gives himself) is a laugh-out-loud tale to be told. He shouldn't be in the same room as the Obamas; he'll never rate the love and respect the world has for them. He is the biggest loser this country has ever elected. And we are paying for it. Now is the time for all good men and women to rise up in protest and strike and boycott and keep the Epstein light burning. These mfers are going down and the joke is, they did it to themselves. Honor indeed.

Steve Benko's avatar

"Together with the one given to me by Maria Machado," said the happy president, "my name on Obama's gives me two Nobel Peace Prizes. That's a world record which frankly, no one else has ever achieved in millions of years of giving out that award. Even the meteor that stopped the war between the dinosaurs - a single war compared to my eight - only got one."

Annette's avatar

I've heard tRump confiscated the Grammy given to that little boy at the Super Bowl.

Steve Benko's avatar

You mean the Trummpy given to the boy at the Trump Bowl at Trump Stadium in Trumpa Clara, Trumpifornicatia?

Annette's avatar

yes, that place <snort laugh>

Wis's avatar

Yes, on camera, he pried the Grammy from the boy’s small hands (though they were bigger than trump’s), then he promptly sent the child to Dilley detention in TX.

D ODonnell's avatar

Perfect! This thread is headed in a great new direction.

Janeo's avatar

I hear he's inviting the Hawks to the Rose Parking Lot but they can't leave till they turn over the trophy.

David A L's avatar

He should rebrand biology too - the next slime mold should be named after Trump.

Robert S Hunter's avatar

Except, slime molds perform a function in the environment.

David A L's avatar

But his slime is a floor wax AND a desert topping too

Michael Bowe's avatar

Also brought to you by the makers of SCUM, the first ever combined salad dressing and foot ointment.

Gary Farrar's avatar

Why doesn't he just cut to the chase and name himself God and everyone else Loser?

Annette's avatar

in his mind, he has

Wis's avatar

(You said it before I did and I applaud you!)

Annette's avatar

Great minds think alike, Wis!

D ODonnell's avatar

And there it is …

John Townsend's avatar

--when the reverse is certainly true!

Irna Gadd's avatar

Wow! A doubleheader - you set us up with the first headline and then knocked it out of the park with Little Bunny! I guess it’s a mid-week special, and am SO HAPPY! Laughing is the best way to start the day. Thanks Andy, I needed this!

Lorenzo's avatar

How about naming a social disease after him, like genital Trump or leprous Trump?

Michael Stayton's avatar

Maybe TDS. Trump Diaper Syndrome. Where the diaper is not big enough to hold it all.

Lorenzo's avatar

Or a newly diagnosed psychosis: Trump's Derangement Syndrome.

Michael Bowe's avatar

Don't you think that's rather rash?

Annette's avatar

<appreciative applause> perhaps we can change all "diapers" to "tRump nappies"

D ODonnell's avatar

trumpDepends?

Annette's avatar

oh yes, please!