Trump Offers to End War With Harvard if it Admits him to Freshman Class
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump offered on Wednesday to end his war with Harvard University if it admits him to its freshman class.
“Harvard blew their chance to admit Donald J. Trump in 1964, and now they can fix that,” he posted on Truth Social. “Or else.”
Detailing plans for his undergraduate career at Harvard, Trump said, “I will major in art.”
But his offer got a cool response from Harvard president Alan Garber, who said that admitting Trump would be “Harvard’s biggest mistake since we admitted the Unabomber.”
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Best case scenario: it’s like when Trump went to Penn and didn’t show up for any of his classes
My understanding is that to be admitted, a potential Harvard student must be able to read and write, not just draw naked women on birthday cards. I could be wrong, of course.