LONDON—On Thursday Prince Andrew announced that he was moving to America, hailing it as “a country whose government protects pedophiles.”
“My bags are packed for Washington, D.C.,” the disgraced royal told reporters at Heathrow airport. “If you’re a pedophile, it’s a sanctuary city.”
“If the federal government has a list of pedophiles—poof—it vanishes into thin air,” he said. “And I’m told there’s a lady named Pam Bondi whose entire job is to protect blokes like me.”
Despite such lavish praise, the Trump administration gave the news of Andrew’s relocation a chilly response. “President Trump has never met Prince Andrew,” said newly-appointed White House press secretary George Santos.
No bribe will be necessary. The Wicked Man will ensure his safety, security and well being otherwise by appointing him to a high position in the administration (for which he is wholly unqualified) out of respect for Andrew's prior accomplishments and out of a sense of kinship with a fellow philanderer and child molester and serial liar. Sort of like George Santos without the baggage of a criminal conviction.
Only one problem with what you've said. My husband told me this morning that the former prince is now in jail. Guess trump will have to find someone else to fill that high position.
As of February 19, 2026, Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor (formerly Prince Andrew) has been arrested by UK police on suspicion of misconduct in public office and is currently in custody
. The arrest follows new evidence regarding his ties to convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein.
Key details:
Arrested on 66th Birthday: The arrest occurred at the Sandringham Estate.
Allegations: The investigation relates to allegations that he shared confidential, sensitive information with Jeffrey Epstein while serving as a UK trade envoy.
Custody: He is in police custody, where he can be held for 24 hours before being charged or released.
Background: The King previously stripped him of his royal titles, and he has moved out of the Royal Lodge.
Not a problem, or not much of one anyhow. The Wicked Man will simply make a personal plea to the King (or whoever has authority in the UK to grant pardons) to pardon the former prince, much as he has made a plea to the Israeli president to grant brother Benjamin Netanyahu a pardon, another serial liar that the Wicked Man is in kinship with. The King will be under serious pressure to do so, given what will be The Wicked Man's threat of vastly increased tariffs in the UK, to be justified in part based on the assertion that the failure to issue a pardon will constitute blatant and unwarranted interference in America's internal affairs, given that it would impinge on Trump's authority to appoint unqualified people, who are often sexual offenders and serial liars to boot, to high positions in his administration.
Yes. Barbi Bondi says the whole system would fall apart if they were all arrested. But we all know the system would stop falling apart if they were all arrested.
And our judicial branch could learn a thing or two from the British, about how to arrest criminals.
Read this on a subpost: A five-year old boy wearing a blue bunny hat has spent more time in prison than a billionaire pedophile. Werner. Lutnick. Gaetz. Ad nauseum.
Hey! Happy Birthday ex-Prince Andrew! Yup, today is his 66th BD. And what a present! Arrested on this day for giving Epstein British trade secrets. 🎉🎂🤣 You just can't make this shite up!
Andy, This is a true satirical gem and I am running out of superlatives!😂While the King is probably pondering reinstating the Off-With-His-Head privilege of erstwhile monarchs , we could suggest a knighthood for your services to Satire and Sanity! Thanks again! 😂💕
As others here have noted, Andrew has this morning been arrested. And his brother, Charles, the King, has said the law must take its course. No, I am not making this up. Happy Thursday!
😂Absolutely brilliant and spot on Andy ! But of course ! The Ayatollah deems the Epstein files more potent a threat to Donald the Peacemaker than a fatwa ! I think he should negotiate with Bad Bunny instead! 😉💕
Please keep these coming all day.... the pedo predator is in full on panic since andrew got arrested...we need an insider to release all the rest of the files yesterday!
"Someone" will have "bruises" in a new place today, from all the bricks he'll be shitting after the news about Andrew's Great Fall from the very top, to the very bottom.
There will be an airport somewhere in a red state that will rename an airport after Trump. The idjit Senator Tommy Tuberville is likely working full time to find one.
Evil Barbi bondi can't end up in prison fast enough for me. Thanks Andy for another funny posting. I'd like to add that it is funny that benedicttrump says no one can understand Bad Bunny because he sang in Spanish when no one can understand trump when he speaks English!
Oh boy, this is bigger than bad bunny. You have endless amount of material Andy all the way up to July 4th:
THE BRITISH ARE COMING!
Now, for the first time, the United Kingdom is here to save us. So ironic.
Prince Andrew has been arrested and will stand trial, with victim after victim and housekeeper after housekeeper testifying about what was going on and who else came through those evil doors.
The details that Pam Bondi and the Republicans hid through restrictions and redactions will come out.
All of it safely in a courtroom not on U.S. soil — away from Pam Bondi’s and Trump’s control.
Christians are tired of Trump. Those in white poverty are not rich beyond imagination — they are actually worse off. The oligarchs must be thinking they may not want to be associated with him or his party. And Elon — just plain messed up. From SNL and once viewed as a liberal making electric cars, to someone now seen as crazed. Crazed for power. Crazed for more.
“Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!” — MLK
Alas, some 35% of the electorate are still imbibing the Kool-Ade, including feeling emboldened to harass and intimidate people on work sites and other places of business, as reported by NPR this morning. Here's the problem: Hitler probably had about the same percentage of rabid supporters in 1930s Germany as The Felon does now. It was enough to tip the scales. And because the Democratic Party Machine is so thoroughly inept (much like the German Bundestag back in the day), even if we sweep the midterms (I hope, I hope!!)I doubt that will result in any significant change. And we cannot wait until 2029 and a regime change. The domino effect of the Trumpstein files overseas is clearly failing here. I want to see people in jail, not merely forced to resign with their platinum parachutes. I want to see ERA ratified--the only way to have teeth in laws supposedly preventing discrimination, violence against women, and all the anti-LGBTQA+ horrors being perpetrated all over the country.
Right there with you, Linda! Excellent analysis. Trump and the Trumpettes in jail is what we need. All of Trump's enablers ousted, jailed, stripped of all of their ill-gotten gains. But the 35%. The people who want to commit suicide and take us all with them. How to deal with that----that is the question.
My God, Andy will have a field day with humor and serious writings and interviews as this all develops. Once the details comes forth, I’m heading there for a much needed vacation.
I should add, MAGA will not watch MS NOW and CNN, but they will definitely tune in BBC.
Andy…you have won the February Satire of the Month award 🥇 for your last sentence. Congratulations!!! (And thanks for starting my day off in such a positive manner.)
Don’t know what to comment on first, Andy - Bad Bunny’s Nobel? The Ayatollah’s copy of the Epstein files (did he swipe them from Bondi’s desk?), my opinion on WHICH prison Pammy will go to (can we say “ somewhere in South America)? You’ve given us a cornucopia today! I do love the idea of Bad Bunny (definitely not Bibi) getting the Nobel. If anything would cause the Harangutan to have an apoplectic fit, that would do it. Bravo, Andy, BRAVO !
Imprison Bondi with GasLane Maxwell so Hot Toddy Blanche [not original with me] can engage in conjugal visits with her too and work towards Hump’s Piece Prize.
Since Hot Toddy is Bondi’s number two - in both senses - he probably knows [pun not intended] her ins and outs.
I didn't originate that name. I saw it in a comment to a TBR a few weeks ago. I regret I didn't write down the name of the person who was SO creative. If they're reading this, PLEASE claim your honor!
Breaking: Trump Cancels War With Iran After Ayatollah Reveals He Has Unredacted Copy of Epstein Files
BREAKING:
LONDON—On Thursday Prince Andrew announced that he was moving to America, hailing it as “a country whose government protects pedophiles.”
“My bags are packed for Washington, D.C.,” the disgraced royal told reporters at Heathrow airport. “If you’re a pedophile, it’s a sanctuary city.”
“If the federal government has a list of pedophiles—poof—it vanishes into thin air,” he said. “And I’m told there’s a lady named Pam Bondi whose entire job is to protect blokes like me.”
Despite such lavish praise, the Trump administration gave the news of Andrew’s relocation a chilly response. “President Trump has never met Prince Andrew,” said newly-appointed White House press secretary George Santos.
As soon as the Prince comes through with an appropriate bribe, he's in.
Surely Andrew can scrape up $5 million for a Trump gold card!
King Charles will put up the money!
NOPE!
"NOPE!" to the tenth power!
No bribe will be necessary. The Wicked Man will ensure his safety, security and well being otherwise by appointing him to a high position in the administration (for which he is wholly unqualified) out of respect for Andrew's prior accomplishments and out of a sense of kinship with a fellow philanderer and child molester and serial liar. Sort of like George Santos without the baggage of a criminal conviction.
Only one problem with what you've said. My husband told me this morning that the former prince is now in jail. Guess trump will have to find someone else to fill that high position.
As of February 19, 2026, Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor (formerly Prince Andrew) has been arrested by UK police on suspicion of misconduct in public office and is currently in custody
. The arrest follows new evidence regarding his ties to convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein.
Key details:
Arrested on 66th Birthday: The arrest occurred at the Sandringham Estate.
Allegations: The investigation relates to allegations that he shared confidential, sensitive information with Jeffrey Epstein while serving as a UK trade envoy.
Custody: He is in police custody, where he can be held for 24 hours before being charged or released.
Background: The King previously stripped him of his royal titles, and he has moved out of the Royal Lodge.
He has consistently denied any wrongdoing.
Wouldn't be surprised if Charles had something to do with expediting the arrest.
Not a problem, or not much of one anyhow. The Wicked Man will simply make a personal plea to the King (or whoever has authority in the UK to grant pardons) to pardon the former prince, much as he has made a plea to the Israeli president to grant brother Benjamin Netanyahu a pardon, another serial liar that the Wicked Man is in kinship with. The King will be under serious pressure to do so, given what will be The Wicked Man's threat of vastly increased tariffs in the UK, to be justified in part based on the assertion that the failure to issue a pardon will constitute blatant and unwarranted interference in America's internal affairs, given that it would impinge on Trump's authority to appoint unqualified people, who are often sexual offenders and serial liars to boot, to high positions in his administration.
Correct.
https://www.cbc.ca/news/livestory/andrew-mountbatten-windsor-arrest-uk-police-epstein-files-9.7096935
Thank you!
Mnnn. Don’t think he can come up with the cash. HRH has cut him off. He’ll be hard pressed to pay his heating bill in his exiled digs…
He won’t have to worry about it for too long. Pedophiles with too much info tend to hang themselves.
They don't last long when incarcerated.
He’s been arrested.
https://www.cbc.ca/news/livestory/andrew-mountbatten-windsor-arrest-uk-police-epstein-files-9.7096935
And Andrew formerly known as prince has been arrested. I think trump should pay a state visit to the Uk and maybe they’ll arrest him??
Yes. Barbi Bondi says the whole system would fall apart if they were all arrested. But we all know the system would stop falling apart if they were all arrested.
And our judicial branch could learn a thing or two from the British, about how to arrest criminals.
What did Andy know and when did he know it?
--and what did he blab to Epstein?
From your keyboard to to Heaven's e-mail box!
Read this on a subpost: A five-year old boy wearing a blue bunny hat has spent more time in prison than a billionaire pedophile. Werner. Lutnick. Gaetz. Ad nauseum.
Read this on Substack, too: Pam Bondi before Congress:
“I’M HERE BECAUSE TRUMP’S A$$ WON’T LICK ITSELF!”
Great!
Hello, meant “Wexner”’evil autocorrect. Also, we ALL mentally added the addled trump.
Trump is a 10000 act play to keep his supporters engaged.
Waiting for him to fall off the stage……
Sad but true! And, yes, the continuing nausea!
Pure gold Andy! Thank you!
Hey! Happy Birthday ex-Prince Andrew! Yup, today is his 66th BD. And what a present! Arrested on this day for giving Epstein British trade secrets. 🎉🎂🤣 You just can't make this shite up!
You can't make it up, just sit back and relish.....
I agree, this one is pure Olympic gold.
Andy, This is a true satirical gem and I am running out of superlatives!😂While the King is probably pondering reinstating the Off-With-His-Head privilege of erstwhile monarchs , we could suggest a knighthood for your services to Satire and Sanity! Thanks again! 😂💕
I would vote that we become a colony again. To grease the process I will pay for the tea we threw in the harbor.
At current 21st century valuation?
but OOPS he just got arrested! Bobby's nabbed him for giving away secrets. sad, really
Apparently no chickens come home to roost in the USA.
They only roost in the White House--and Congress!
What's terrifying is this is actually plausible. George Santos is probably being pretend vetted for a job in the administration as we speak.
He didn't move fast enough he's in custody now
Oh my….. 😜
Apparently he will have to get out of police custody first!
Uh oh Former Pronce Andrew was just arrested
It’s hard to keep up!
As others here have noted, Andrew has this morning been arrested. And his brother, Charles, the King, has said the law must take its course. No, I am not making this up. Happy Thursday!
😂Absolutely brilliant and spot on Andy ! But of course ! The Ayatollah deems the Epstein files more potent a threat to Donald the Peacemaker than a fatwa ! I think he should negotiate with Bad Bunny instead! 😉💕
Omg! I'm dying over here!🤣🤣🤣🤣
Please keep these coming all day.... the pedo predator is in full on panic since andrew got arrested...we need an insider to release all the rest of the files yesterday!
I can't believe you threw that one away for free! Did you hear about ex SK Pres Yoon's LIfe Sentence for Insurrection! poor dumpty trumpty...
...bumpy, clumpy, dumpy, frumpy, grumpy, humpy, jumpy, klumpy, lumpy, plumpy, RUMPy, stumpy Trump!
Hey AB, Did Humptee-Trumptee really EXPODE??!!?? I hope for Goddesses he f____kin’ DID!! I hate his G’Damn A___s!!! Love, Apc xxxxxooooo!
That is too perfect !
Putin certainly has the unredacted files.
If only. Maybe someone should ask not-prince Andrew what he knows about this. Oh right. The UK just arrested him for being a hopelessly bad person.
"Someone" will have "bruises" in a new place today, from all the bricks he'll be shitting after the news about Andrew's Great Fall from the very top, to the very bottom.
That gold toilet and marble-lined bathroom can get pretty cold.....
If only…
The dems should offer Andy witness protection relocation (& a facelift) to anywhere in the world for nailing trump’s ass!
🤣🤣
If only!!!
A different kind of bomb threat......
LOLOLOLOL
Can't wait to fly into Bad Bunny International Airport.
Or take a train from Bad Bunny Grand Central Station ! 😂
Okay, Bob Clark, you won the Golden Trumpy!!
You win the Internet for the day!
There will be an airport somewhere in a red state that will rename an airport after Trump. The idjit Senator Tommy Tuberville is likely working full time to find one.
And he’s trademarked his name so they’ll have to pay to use it.
There's one in Hooterville......
And they can have it, Harvey Perry.
BRAVO! Why didn’t I think of that.
Evil Barbi bondi can't end up in prison fast enough for me. Thanks Andy for another funny posting. I'd like to add that it is funny that benedicttrump says no one can understand Bad Bunny because he sang in Spanish when no one can understand trump when he speaks English!
At least his thumbs on "X" can't..........
Good one, Stephen Werner.
Oh boy, this is bigger than bad bunny. You have endless amount of material Andy all the way up to July 4th:
THE BRITISH ARE COMING!
Now, for the first time, the United Kingdom is here to save us. So ironic.
Prince Andrew has been arrested and will stand trial, with victim after victim and housekeeper after housekeeper testifying about what was going on and who else came through those evil doors.
The details that Pam Bondi and the Republicans hid through restrictions and redactions will come out.
All of it safely in a courtroom not on U.S. soil — away from Pam Bondi’s and Trump’s control.
Christians are tired of Trump. Those in white poverty are not rich beyond imagination — they are actually worse off. The oligarchs must be thinking they may not want to be associated with him or his party. And Elon — just plain messed up. From SNL and once viewed as a liberal making electric cars, to someone now seen as crazed. Crazed for power. Crazed for more.
“Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!” — MLK
Peace
Alas, some 35% of the electorate are still imbibing the Kool-Ade, including feeling emboldened to harass and intimidate people on work sites and other places of business, as reported by NPR this morning. Here's the problem: Hitler probably had about the same percentage of rabid supporters in 1930s Germany as The Felon does now. It was enough to tip the scales. And because the Democratic Party Machine is so thoroughly inept (much like the German Bundestag back in the day), even if we sweep the midterms (I hope, I hope!!)I doubt that will result in any significant change. And we cannot wait until 2029 and a regime change. The domino effect of the Trumpstein files overseas is clearly failing here. I want to see people in jail, not merely forced to resign with their platinum parachutes. I want to see ERA ratified--the only way to have teeth in laws supposedly preventing discrimination, violence against women, and all the anti-LGBTQA+ horrors being perpetrated all over the country.
Well said!
Right there with you, Linda! Excellent analysis. Trump and the Trumpettes in jail is what we need. All of Trump's enablers ousted, jailed, stripped of all of their ill-gotten gains. But the 35%. The people who want to commit suicide and take us all with them. How to deal with that----that is the question.
Love this so much!
My God, Andy will have a field day with humor and serious writings and interviews as this all develops. Once the details comes forth, I’m heading there for a much needed vacation.
I should add, MAGA will not watch MS NOW and CNN, but they will definitely tune in BBC.
Unfortunately, white evangelical “Christians” are not tired of tRump.
Unfortunately, white evangelical "Christians" exist!
Excellent observation, John. Now that this mess is an international matter, Trump and Co. may not have much control over where it all goes from here.
The Brits arrested a member of their Royal Family and we cannot manage to arrest one delusional ex-reality TV character.
But, I'm sure that Andrew Mountbatten will sing like a canary if it helps him. He'll want to do as much cleansing of his own image as he can.
If he plans to survive (with friends like some of his), I doubt he will sing at all.
Not free, yet.
Bad Bunny doesn’t dance like he is jerking off two guys!
😂👍👏
That comment is pure gold!HAHAHAHAHA!
Only hit gold once a year!
That would be jerking off two invisible giraffes.
FOX NEWS ALERT: Bad Bunny changes name to Good Bunny; Plans First Annual Dump Trump Day for Easter Sunday.
apparently he (B.B.) has organized a charity with the name Good Bunny - so he knows the potential.
let me know where!!
Puerto Rico of course....
https://www.goodbunnyfoundation.org
Mar-a-Lago.
Yes, yes. Thank you, Andy. Laughter definitely helps.
I nominate 🌮 for the Noble Piece of Shit prize!! 🏆
Is it possible that Bad Bunny would make a better President than Donald Trump? With Trump, the bar has already gone about as low as it gets.
This is a rhetorical question, right?
Indeed, it's pressed deep into the cement!
Thanks Andy-you be best
Hilarioso
Sí, muy divertido.
Andy…you have won the February Satire of the Month award 🥇 for your last sentence. Congratulations!!! (And thanks for starting my day off in such a positive manner.)
Bad Bunny performing in Spanish was easier to follow than Trump speaking in English.
Why, oh why, can't some of your posts be real???? Especially this one!
This is great! Truly had me laughing!
Don’t know what to comment on first, Andy - Bad Bunny’s Nobel? The Ayatollah’s copy of the Epstein files (did he swipe them from Bondi’s desk?), my opinion on WHICH prison Pammy will go to (can we say “ somewhere in South America)? You’ve given us a cornucopia today! I do love the idea of Bad Bunny (definitely not Bibi) getting the Nobel. If anything would cause the Harangutan to have an apoplectic fit, that would do it. Bravo, Andy, BRAVO !
Imprison Bondi with GasLane Maxwell so Hot Toddy Blanche [not original with me] can engage in conjugal visits with her too and work towards Hump’s Piece Prize.
Since Hot Toddy is Bondi’s number two - in both senses - he probably knows [pun not intended] her ins and outs.
Harangutan! Perfect!🤣
I didn't originate that name. I saw it in a comment to a TBR a few weeks ago. I regret I didn't write down the name of the person who was SO creative. If they're reading this, PLEASE claim your honor!