259 Comments
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Andy Borowitz's avatar

Congratulations, Governor Newsom, for ending the bitter war between California and Oregon!

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Cindy Froggatt's avatar

Imagine the impact Newsom could have on Albania and Azerbaijan!

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Frederica Nanni's avatar

Or Cambodia and Albania!

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Annette's avatar

or Republic of Kondo and Nambia

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Frederica Nanni's avatar

And let's not forget Button and Nipple!

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Noel's avatar

Or Albania and Oregon!

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Frederica Nanni's avatar

Botswana and Chicago?

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Kate Decker's avatar

...Is it Kondo, or Condo? You did get Nambia right.

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Cindy Froggatt's avatar

Like Marie Kondo? Does she have her own country now?

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Antoinette S. Hamilton's avatar

At first glance, I read Albania as Alabama. That would work, too.

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Wesley Steen's avatar

Cadet Bone spurs ended 7 wars. But your one peace “deal” settled a much longer and bloodier conflict. Congratulations, indeed, Governor.

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Hugh Jarce's avatar

I think we're probably up to 12 by now, however many wars there are, he's sorted them.

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Stephanie MacLeod's avatar

Very funny Andy, gets my brain out it's dark place after reading some of the so-called real news! Anyhoo, I guess that was one of the conflicts that Trump did not resolve, unlike Armenia vs.Thailand, and the Konflict of Kondo, where he had great success. Not surprised though, Californians and Oregonians will only negotiate with someone who is sane. I did hear that Trump's certificate of participation in the Nobel Peace Prize selection was accompanied by a trophy, it is so small you can't see it. I do worry about Norway when the winner is announced, maybe they will accidentally mistake Trump for a whale.

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Rebekah Presson Mosby's avatar

As a Berkeley alum, I say, GO CAL!

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Susan Stone's avatar

I'll second you, as a UCSB alum.

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Rebekah Presson Mosby's avatar

Did my first year there and often wonder why I left.

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Kate Decker's avatar

As my parrot says, "Go Birds!"

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Barry Avery's avatar

As a Humboldt State University grad I also agree. We could solve a lot of trump despair and worries with an OZ of Humboldt Home Grown.

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JEAN ELLISOR's avatar

And YOU give US many hours of welcome laughter, Andy!

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Katharine Hill's avatar

You know we’re in trouble when satire sounds like real news! Thanks for lightening up my mood this morning, Andy.

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It's Come To This's avatar

I believe that ship left port a LONG, long time ago now!

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C. Killion's avatar

Confession: I had to Google it. October 10, wait for it.

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Sara's avatar

Hilarious! A certificate of participation! Thanks for the laugh!

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Judith Richards's avatar

Yes! A certificate of participation! Perfect!!

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Annette's avatar

that was my favorite part of the news story - my mind immediately pictured one of those cheap gold-look plastic trophies you can buy in bulk at Oriental Trading

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Franca Garofalo's avatar

That would fit right in with his Oval Office decor.

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M Q's avatar

But they won’t give him the trophy until he pays the tariff.

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Annette's avatar

<snort laugh>

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Robert Lehrer's avatar

Stay tuned for The Wicked Man's furious reaction when the Nobel Peace Prize is awarded in a few days. There will, of course, be the outrage that he was not awarded the Prize. But if he is true to form, he will also disparage the winner or winners of the Prize (a good chance he never would have heard of them) and ridicule the Prize Committee to boot.

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Erik Staub's avatar

tRUMP will claim iit was a rigged vote and the liberal socialist committee was influenced by sleepy Joe, Nasty Hillary and foreign born Obama. He will offer to buy Norway and send Jared and Ivanka to negotiate terms and also send in the Texas National guard.

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matclone's avatar

In short, he will pitch a fit, like any 14-year old son of wealth who didn't get the prize he wanted. Maybe pound the kid down the block.

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Christina Johnson's avatar

He is doing that NOW even before the prize announcement!

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Paul Ehrenzeller's avatar

Here’s to hoping that the award goes to a truly deserving person, who also happens to be a woman, from a country tRump considers to be a shithole. He will go full apoplectic!

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Annette's avatar

<appreciative applause>

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Annette's avatar

if there were a Nobel Peace prize for immaturity, Dumpy would win hands down

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Kate Decker's avatar

...and then follow up with some truly vicious and vindictive action against one or another of his perceived Enemies, to make himself feel better. (Lock Him UP!)

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marlyg's avatar

Oh, he definitely will. He's a vindictive little dictator. He can't celebrate others accomplishments, instead he tries to drag them down! Thanks, Andy, looking forward to his failure and whining!

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Frank D Repp's avatar

Have you heard about the Trump doll? Wind it up aand it violates the Constitution.

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matclone's avatar

I heard it never stops talking.

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Kate Decker's avatar

:-) !!

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J Cheng's avatar

the special edition Trump doll is in production - it throws ketchup at your wall

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Frank D Repp's avatar

No, but he nails Jello to it.

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J Cheng's avatar

and has a real poopy diaper you have to change?

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Frank D Repp's avatar

No, J.D. Vance eats it.

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Annette's avatar

complete with bruises and cankles

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Cecilia Rodriguez Griffin's avatar

I knew you were joking but I SO wanted to believe this!! My first smile on a Tuesday morning. Thank you, Andy for being you! 💙🤭

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Carol Quantock's avatar

I was hoping that it was true, too. Made me laugh out loud--very glad I had finished my morning coffee!

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Cheryl Steiger's avatar

I was not so lucky! 😂

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Margaret MacKenzie's avatar

He will throw a hissy fit no matter what, but a gold leafed certificate of participation should calm Donny down, especially when served with a Happy Meal.

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Annette's avatar

<snort laugh>

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Wis's avatar

😅

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Steve Benko's avatar

His certificate was undoubtedly printed by a Jewish space laser printer. Look out Marjorie Taylor Greene!

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Susan Urang's avatar

I was reading my email at 4 am, and when I read your title, I laughed out loud so forcefully, my dogs both looked at me with a "wut?" expression, even the cats flicked an ear. That is hilarious cause it's so true - he flies into a rage when it's brought up that he's not the stable genius he claims to be. Thanks for the consistent belly laughs. I need to have something to laugh about... and the orange felon is such a joke...

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LHS's avatar

The kitty ear flick comment cracked me up. Whenever we're trying to get our cats' attention and they ignore us, we say, "Not even an ear flick". 😄

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Susan E Keezer's avatar

As the staff of Frank Sinatra and Sammy Davis, two Siamese brothers, I like the "ear flick" comment. I think I could be hanging upside down from a high branch of the Catalpa tree , screaming for help, due to a regrettable attempt on the neighbors' trampoline, and they would merely continue bathing each other after a slow glance out the window.

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Rebekah Presson Mosby's avatar

Hilarious! All the more so for it's plausibility.

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Glenn Sills's avatar

Yeah, it is all fun and games until the guy with spoiled 4-year-old emotions and thinking ability in an 80-year-old body, decides to get even by dropping nuclear weapons on San Francisco. Remember, this all started when Melania made the off-hand comment that Obama really was kind of hot to her husband.

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Susanna Wilson's avatar

And can he do stairs!

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Cindy Froggatt's avatar

Bop bop bop bop

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Barry Blue's avatar

And his rage against Canada started when Malaria had the hots for Trudeau

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Barry Blue's avatar

He be best!

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Annette's avatar

but Katy Perry beat her to him . . . at least for a little bit!

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Rosemary Ehle's avatar

I remember. If there had been a bubble over her head it would have said the Slovenian equivilent of "I'd tap that".

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Judith Richards's avatar

🤣🤣🤣

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Mimi Wilson's avatar

The best medicine…🔥🔥🔥

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Pam's avatar

Perfect! And, thank you, Andy, for all you do🙏

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Anne T Converse's avatar

Ditto! Keeps my sense of humor in tack❤️🥳

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Lauri Robertson's avatar

How is it that I laugh out loud EVERY SINGLE DAY just from your headline?

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Annette's avatar

because Andy speaks the truth

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Katherine P Duncan's avatar

If that did occur, he'd probably want to nuke Norway. And those enablers around him would be thrilled.

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Katherine P Duncan's avatar

You were spot on, Andy!! Hilarious and like most good humor, grounded in truth. Arrgh. We do live in interesting times.

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Barry Blue's avatar

And then he would say that we would now annex Greenland, since he doesn’t know the difference between Norway and Denmark

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Katherine P Duncan's avatar

Barry Blue he scarcely knows the difference between Oregon and California.

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J Cheng's avatar

Let's tell frumpy trump that the nickname for the two states is Calgon......

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Susan Stone's avatar

I remember a product called Calgon. Apparently it is among other things a water softener, and apparently the brand is still around. But my memory goes back at least 50 years.

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Annette's avatar

take me away!!!

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Annette's avatar

I was going to say he scarcely knows the difference between his a** and a hole in the ground, but that will do too!

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Linda MacDonald's avatar

Certificate of Participation laser printed!😂😂😂 Maybe that's synonymous with autopen! Felon34 should be awarded the IGnoble for best use of fabrications to camouflage pedophilia.

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Erik Staub's avatar

hopefully the als included an Orange participation ribbon with the words Loser.

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Linda MacDonald's avatar

😂😂😂

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