306 Comments
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Andy Borowitz's avatar

Now that the FIFA Peace Prize has garnered his ire, what other organizations should step up and award him one? I say Hooters.

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Patti's avatar

Oh, McDonald’s. You know how he loves their hamberders.

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Judy Sherwood's avatar

and their arches are GOLDEN

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jonquist1's avatar

This is so absurd I can't tell if this really happened. It's hysterically funny!

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KHKate's avatar

Same here! I wondered if the paint actually did peel, but the column today is solid gold!

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John Townsend's avatar

The gold paint rubbed off on his bruised hand!

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David Gardiner's avatar

The paint dissolved in the horse wormer and bleach on his hands.

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Wendy Tucker's avatar

I was also wondering if this was accurate or satire. Trusty internet said satire with full credit to our beloved Andy!

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Elene Gusch's avatar

That's why the New Yorker always had a "NOT THE NEWS" banner to go with Andy's columns! Otherwise we weren't sure.

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Katherine P Duncan's avatar

Love it Judy Sherwood!

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Hollis's avatar

Hee, hee!

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John Townsend's avatar

--and without spurs!

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J Cheng's avatar

Let's add Golden Corral.........

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Kathleen Sherrieb's avatar

and what about his favored 'golden showers' from his Russian days.

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Phil M.'s avatar

Oh, yeah! That explains his fascination with golden things.

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jon Hodson's avatar

Touche

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Chris Pope's avatar

Still think Putin has the tapes. They're gold to him.

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Jerr's avatar

Yep, Putin indeed has Donnie by the shorthairs.

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Wendy Tucker's avatar

Oh Yes! We must remember--hope Vladdy still has the tapes.

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John Townsend's avatar

When the Ukrainian Army finally invades Moscow, maybe they will come to light!

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Chef steve's avatar

He’s already got the orange hair. Should be seamless.

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Phil M.'s avatar

If we did that, he would just eat it.

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Jerr's avatar

With a cup of co-fee-fee?

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Pradnya Sikand's avatar

😂😂 I suggest the Venezuelan Fishermen’s Association award him a peace prize ! Then maybe he’ll stop blitzing their poor boats out of the water ! Thanks Andy for your brilliance and humor 😉

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Phil M.'s avatar

It could be a golden fish.

With bullet holes...

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John Townsend's avatar

The award would probably gave a grenade inside!

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DEBORAH K's avatar

We can only hope.

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Pradnya Sikand's avatar

Oh and I forgot 😂Heinz ketchup so he’ll stop splattering the walls of the White House 😂Thanks again Andy !

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John Townsend's avatar

Trump could just dip the award in a vat of ketchup and use it to splatter the walls

with ketchup a' la Jason Pollock!

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John Townsend's avatar

It would be great therapy! If therapy, that is, could ever work on Trump!

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Bob Clark's avatar

Orange, the telecommunications company.

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Kathy Lee Davis's avatar

telecommunicatons?? The only problem with that is the word "communications". He does not communicate well - but the tele works. He's always trying to tele (tell-a lie, tell-a stuff over and over again. . .)

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Sandra Nicht's avatar

gold plated boobie prize!

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Wendy Tucker's avatar

As long as they are huuuuuuuuuge. Talk to Melanomia and DaughterWife.

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John Townsend's avatar

Finally, an award with no fear of drowning!

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Jerr's avatar

Yep, he's a boobie prize for the MAGAts.

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Bobbie75's avatar

Well, since he claims to have won 35 Golf Championships, including six this year, pretty sure the PGA should award him a gold statue of his favorite golfer’s anatomical part he most admired.

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Robert S Hunter's avatar

Oh, the envy.

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Annette's avatar

<snort laugh>

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M.E. Lawrence's avatar

With an additional trophy for a setting a record in wins achieved by cheating. (The guy, educated in Scotland, assures me that golf mendacity is pretty simple.)

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jb from Weston's avatar

Hooters, Andy? You're suggesting a "Piece Prize"???

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Al Keim's avatar

All white meat.

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J Cheng's avatar

LOL

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Katherine P Duncan's avatar

I would consider that more apropos.

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ceekaycee's avatar

Jb and Katherine - What would he do with the

"Piece Prize"??? He is probably impotent and also smelly!!!

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Erik Bruun's avatar

Bellevue's psychiatric unit.

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John Townsend's avatar

"The Orange Ward"

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Cindy Froggatt's avatar

Pizza Hut should give him the Peace of Pizza prize. (Their piece of pizza is as close to really good pizza as Trump’s gold paint is to real gold.)

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John Townsend's avatar

Ooooh! Consider the crust burned!

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Marmo's avatar
16hEdited

Hooters - yes, AB - that's perfect!

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bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

The Golden Pussay!

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Al Keim's avatar

Oh yeah like the enchanted one.

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Glenn Sills's avatar

Maybe Hooters can give him gold painted chicken wings - with lead paint.

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John Townsend's avatar

He's already so full of something toxic, more lead paint would have no effect!

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Al Keim's avatar

Bestesses Breastesses USA. Donnie's diminutive digits grasping upward at a set of double dees.

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Annette's avatar

<snicker>

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Concerned Citizen's avatar

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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J Cheng's avatar

Kohler should give him the Golden Shower award......

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Li's avatar

No, Hooters Women's' breasts are too developed. How about one from Kidz R Mine, er, Us?

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Marc Panaye's avatar

If it would make him happy I would give him the Nobel Peas Prize.

I'll be happy to get a can of peas from a good brand like for example "Le Sueur Brand Premium Canned Vegetables". Spray paint the thing yellow (we'll tell him it is of the purest of pure gold) and name the thing Nobel Peas Prize.

For info, "Le Sueur Brand Premium Canned Vegetables" also has "very young small sweet peas" in the offering. We'll use one of those cans for his Nobel Peas Prize.... I'm sure Trump will appreciate the link to his dead BFF Epstein!

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Nancy Tucker's avatar

And then we can have Whirled Peas!

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LYNN COOK's avatar

Too funny, Nancy ! 👏👏

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John Townsend's avatar

--For Brains!

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Bill's avatar

Piss Prize, in honor of his "golden stream"

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ceekaycee's avatar

Bill - I thought Orange man was not the producer but the receptor of the "golden stream".

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John Townsend's avatar

Both!

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Robert S Hunter's avatar

I think it was Goya beans he had lined up on the Resolute desk during 45. Ivanka praised them too.

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Annette's avatar

<standing ovation>

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Bill's avatar

You can't make this shit up! Well , maybe a little.....

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Marc Panaye's avatar

<speech> "I thank my mother and my employer and my wife and so on and on and on (tears rolling down my face) I could not have done this without drump!"

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J Cheng's avatar

perfect!

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Bob Clark's avatar

Next it will be the orange coating peeling off his face. What do you think is under it?

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Sandra Nicht's avatar

lizard scales

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Linda MacDonald's avatar

😂😂😂 or definitely 🐍scales!

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Sharon P's avatar

never ask a question unless you WANT to know the answer

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Kim D's avatar

The late, great, Hannibal Lector.

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Charlie's avatar

Piggy pink and brown age spots all over

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J Cheng's avatar

just slime...

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bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

You don't want to know....

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Judith Green's avatar

The real Dorian Gray, as in Oscar Wilde's horror novel. Now there's a prize worth waiting for!

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Mary Roeser's avatar

A massive pile of manure.

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Robert S Hunter's avatar

Yep, stuff is already peeling off his hand.

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John Townsend's avatar

Nothing much!

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marlyg's avatar

Not sure i want to know!

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Robin D's avatar

Fake gold for a fake prize for a fake president!

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It's Come To This's avatar

Back under Dump I, the New York Times bought a few of those Trump gold-like coins and chucked them into some Coke to see what would happen. Within a day or less, what was left of the glitz had all gotten carbonized away, leaving behind some gray-green nubs and a bad smell. It will soon be the same with the Beast himself.

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Susie's avatar

This can’t happen soon enough!!!

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Judy Sherwood's avatar

Hilarious!

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Wendy Tucker's avatar

This is a wonderful image. It helps us get through the outrage. Thank you.

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bruce schneider's avatar

The Sinaloa Cartel: "In recognition of your brave actions in Venezuela that permitted us to operate in peace."

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Lucy K.'s avatar

Funny stuff! Well now the award is more authentic, the hands look more like his, bruised and ugly.

Walter Reed should give him their own award, most cognitive decline seen in someone not even playing a contact sport.

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John  (NJ-VT)'s avatar

What I will say:

• I am so happy for Donald for winning this prestigious award—an award that, over the past year, has somehow never been bestowed upon anyone else.

• I’m also thankful they found someone who looks like Stephen Miller to present it, complete with the accent Stephen would love to have.

• And now, thankfully, I can actually find affordable World Cup tickets, since those who spent their life savings on them will be selling them.

This leaves only the billionaires attending—caught on the jumbo screen whispering to their wife, their mistress, or the babysitter: “I thought this was a football game.”

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Jim Carmichael's avatar

Andy, you are the best thing since salt! I nominate Got2b Hair Spray.

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Jane kissane's avatar

Another laugh out loud story Andy! And about his cognitive decline. 25th amendment anyone?

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Annette's avatar

yes, please, and asap!

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John Townsend's avatar

Manifest! Manifest!

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Paul's avatar

FIFA speculated that the flaking gold paint was likely due to the heat of the microphone, camera and internet equipment embedded into the trophy. "We never expected he would carry the trophy with him room to room into warm places like the Lincoln Bathroom".

"We will be happy to re plate and recharge the trophy for 24/7 applications" they said. .

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Wendy Tucker's avatar

Is there room in the Lincoln Bathroom--hasn't he stacked more classified files behind the shower curtain?

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John Townsend's avatar

No, they are tucked away behind all the marble!

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John Townsend's avatar

--and Trump redid a bathroom with out a mirror? Yes, there is a true cognitive decline!

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DONALD G. Alexander's avatar

Great report Andy, and it might be true. I still can't understand why FIFA gave Orange Man the prize the same week that he and Ice Barbie announced that people, including soccer fans and perhaps even team members, from many Black and Brown majority countries will not be allowed into the country for any reason, even to play or watch soccer. What's with that??

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Christina  A.'s avatar

The FIFA president is as corrupt as Felon Trump. And the national footbal associations come closely behind., or else they would at least boycott the games played on U.S. soil.

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Judy Sherwood's avatar

and he's under investigation for violating FIFA ethics by awarding the golden peace prize to trump

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Nicole Barenbaum's avatar

Trumpery responded, "Are you STOOPID? That's fake paint!" Later he posted that FIFA should be charged with sedition.

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J Cheng's avatar

who will tell him what sedition means, and who will help him pronouce it?

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Hugh Jarce's avatar

The President of Nambia will inform him of the oranges of the word.

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John Townsend's avatar

Not I! Not I!

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Steve Newman's avatar

Cheap meaningless superficial unimpressive P-O-S . Ohhhh, I sidetracked & now I can’t remember if I’m talking about the Cracker Jack prize or the president, no difference.

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John Townsend's avatar

No difference except one is flakier than another. Care to guess which?

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Peter Scott's avatar

The Darwin Award; here’s hoping it comes (very) soon.

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Jim Dygert's avatar

“Hernandez then asked Trump..Piece of shit? Are we talking about the trophy or you.”

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John Townsend's avatar

"--, Your Excellency?"

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