117 Comments
User's avatar
Andy Borowitz's avatar

Trump keeps teasing us.

Wednesday's avatar

Yes, just afraid when it does happen we will have a Beetlejuice (or, more likely Candyman) situation on our hands. Seems like we just can't get rid of him.

Stephen Brady's avatar

The rethuglicans will announce he is on vacation and send him to a taxidermist. Then it is 'Weekend at Bernie's' for who knows how long...

Susan Kice's avatar

Great name-"rethuglicans!"

jb from Weston's avatar

"I see and I hear and I speak no evil.

I carry no malice within my breast.

But quite without wishing a man to the devil,

One may be permitted to hope for the best."

...from GROOKS by Piet Hein (Danish mathematician, architect, philosopher, poet...)

Yet I take no comfort from the thought of J.D. in charge.

Phil M.'s avatar

Trump could be proof the zombie apocalypse has begun. Has anybody checked his pulse lately?

Wis's avatar

He bruises too easily to check his pulse. They first used a mirror to see if he’s breathing, but when that method proved inconclusive, they moved straight to the “hat pin” test. So far, he’s twitched every time, so this has become the preferred method to determine if trump is merely sleeping, or is, in fact, dead. (Vance always volunteers to be “the hat pin guy”.)

foofaraw & Chiquita(ARF!)'s avatar

I doubt it, Phil.

Would you? "Ick" just barely describes it.

JBR's avatar

Ask Bandy Lee. Ans is yes

Wis's avatar

One of these days, Vance will lose his patience, grab a MyPillow and smother the president before the cabinet meeting even starts. “Haha!” he’ll laugh as the others file into the room, eying the lifeless president suspiciously, “The president started his nap a bit early today. Let’s get started without him.”

J Cheng's avatar

good chuckle!

Pradnya Sikand's avatar

Andy, Trump’s a tease but distinctly unfunny unlike you !😂Vance’s kiss of death doesn’t seem to be working with his boss ! 😉One of these days, our obnoxious know-it-all JD is going to tell you how satire should really be written! 😂💕

Paul Ehrenzeller's avatar

Vance is the anti-John Coffey from The Green Mile. Exhibit A-Pope Francis!

Wis's avatar

(I’d have thought that killing the pope was the one thing Vance got right, in trump’s eyes. I was surprised trump didn’t sic him on Leo, too.)

Douglas Mackay's avatar

The sheet is kept in Trump’s desk drawer along with the peaked head covering with eye holes, wrapped with a rope.

Al Gorythm's avatar

Turns out Trump was only dead from the neck up.

Edith Griffin's avatar

Possible new word to describe this phenomenon: Catadonic ...

Andrea Squires's avatar

Oh, brilliant! Catadonic!

Wis's avatar

I see what you did there, Edith! Cute!

Irna Gadd's avatar

That’s been true for years.

Mary-Jean Miner's avatar

Been like that for years. Just sayin’

Pickleball's avatar

Keeps a toe tag in his pocket, just in case?

Irna Gadd's avatar

😆😆😆

Ray Sturm's avatar

How, beyond, ironic. Dopey Don was totally mean about "Sleepy Joe". Now it is his moniker, "Sleepy Don". He should make us all sick. Squirrel! I heard a great interview on NPR yesterday. On of the guests was an expert on the Constitution. He had a fabulous quote; "Great ideas go to the senate and die."

GD's avatar

Is nobody respecting expectant widows these days?

Roland Saeger's avatar

Melania keeps her own bed sheet ready.

Sheryl Thompson's avatar

I can’t wait for the death shroud. Hate to say that about anyone but I make an exception for dementia Don. Can’t wait for the global recession (depression?) that is right around the corner.

Rosemary Ehle's avatar

"I've never wished a man dead, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure". Clarence Darrow

Sheryl Thompson's avatar

Love that quote. In this case, I’ll read the obituary with extreme glee - and relief.

Paul Ehrenzeller's avatar

I did not.attend the funeral, but I sent a letter approving of it.

This famous witty insult is commonly attributed to Mark Twain regarding a person he disliked, though evidence suggests it may have originated with 19th-century politician Ebenezer Rockwood Hoar.

Andrea Squires's avatar

--which he'll blame on Biden and Obama.

Wis's avatar

Sheryl: I fully anticipate the first event you describe with morbid glee. The second, not so much…

Golden Rule's avatar

Predictions of his demise are greatly over reported. If only,for once, it would be true. I, like Sheryl don't say this about anyone ever but I have made an exception for the Lying Sack of S.

Paul's avatar

A "sheet" with a pointy top, puts the "wizz" back in Wizard.

Paul's avatar

Hey Andy, When are you coming out with the TBR merch? we the faithful need some "anything but red" TBR caps....with "86'em" on the back.

J Cheng's avatar

Merch merch merch.......coffee stained t shirts!!!!

Irna Gadd's avatar

Another “If only,” Andy. I do love the reference to the Florsheims, and once again you saved the best for last. Now I can drink my coffee.

Paul Kuzel's avatar

Vance was ghosting him!

M Apodaca's avatar

You’re sure it wasn’t Rubio?

Marilyn Gillis's avatar

This would be funny if it weren't so terrifying to have the president asleep at the wheel.

Andy Borowitz's avatar

Perhaps better than him being awake.

Sharon C Storm's avatar

You are absolutely correct, Andy!

Candy C's avatar

That made me laugh Andy!

Edith Griffin's avatar

Especially he's coupled with the surrounding horde of evil minions.

Susanna Wilson's avatar

May he rest in peace. Soon.

Paula's avatar

A plastic dry-cleaning bag would have been more effective...next time!

Sean M Carlin's avatar

Grand Wizard Diaper Don of the DC chapter of the KKK. You can make a list of the members, GOP Congress members and Senators! Six Injustices of the Supreme Court, including where’s my free RV, Clarence Thomas!