596 Comments
User's avatar
Andy Borowitz's avatar

What distraction will Trump try next? Bring your A game, TBR community!

Hank Napkin's avatar

His own "passing”?

MLK's avatar

His own burial at one of his golf courses.

John Townsend's avatar

--twelve feet under!

Kirk Jennings's avatar

with a stake through his rancid little heart.

Cognitive Dissident's avatar

For the tax break, naturally. Just like poor Ivanna.

Paul's avatar

Trump tells himself he is "Too Weak" to invent a new distraction from the Epstein Files.

Susan Dilks's avatar

HA! Stupidity doesn't require much strength.

Linda McCaughey's avatar

When he eventually does, let's insist that all flags remain flying at full staff and that "Ding-Dong The Witch is Dead" plays from every loud speaker!

Cynthia Wrinkle's avatar

I'd be dancing for days.

Ellen Holmes's avatar

JD Vance could be worse…

Helen Voris's avatar

He's smarter and wouldn't make quite the fool of himself that DJT does...VERY dangerous!

John Gregory's avatar

but not cut out to lead a cult. ...

Linda McCaughey's avatar

Must disagree on the intelligence part. He's a Thiel creature. Not all that smart.

Wendy Tucker's avatar

Anyone is smarter than Trump, but JD is too evangelical and hops on too many religious bandwagons prematurely. I read somewhere that the reason he was chosen as VP was because he was so stupid that even the most ardent Trump critics didn't want to take the risk.

Becky O A's avatar

I don't have nearly as high hopes for Vance as you do. His morals and his ethical values are not much different than Trump, but he is more alert.

Betty Stoddard's avatar

Agree about the danger aspect.

Claudia Siefer's avatar

"very dangerous" and??? We need to grow up and face down these monsters. Sitting back commenting about how "smart" Vance is does nothing to advance the cause. btw Vance is not very much of anything without the drumpf cult stamp of approval but bring it on

Claudia Siefer's avatar

That's no reason to just sit back and let the madness continue unabated. We'll deal with Vance as needed. This is about us after all, not drumpf and his goon squad

Paul's avatar

We should be so lucky

Mike's avatar

Exactly my thought!

Carleton Tanner's avatar

It's TACO Tuesday!!!

Kandy Brown's avatar

Ain't that appropriate!

Linda West's avatar

Chicken TACOs, obviously.

LHS's avatar

He will threaten to bomb Hungary if Orban does not win the election.

Kandy Brown's avatar

Can you believe that Vance went there to campaign for him? "Please, folks, vote for a dictator!"

Mary Gilbert's avatar

Last I heard, Orban was 10pts down in the polls. I think JD Dunce is there to see what methods Orban has in mind to rig the election to ensure he wins once again. Dunce needs to bring home some ideas for the midterms & ‘28.

Kandy Brown's avatar

Bet you are right!

John Townsend's avatar

Dunce needs to sit in a corner and stay there! Permanently!

Karen OConnor's avatar

I am beyond irate that my tax dollars are subsidizing this!!!!!!!!!

Leslie's avatar

Of course he did! It worked the last time for our current Dicktater in Chief. Besides it gave him cover to ghostwrite the psycho crap for Trump while he was away. He's working hard to accomplish the 25th amendment soon.

Elene Gusch's avatar

That one is way too plausible

John Townsend's avatar

War with Hungary? Announced from White House: threats of dropped radioactive goulash?

Gabriele C Overweg's avatar

They wont be able understanding the language, too difficult. Perhaps Melani who is mentioned to be fluent in at least 5 to 7 different languages can help out.

Mary kier's avatar

That is very likely!

Beth Whittemore's avatar

Shoot someone on 5th Ave

Elisabeth Birker's avatar

please let it be a family member! … not Mary Trump!

John Townsend's avatar

--and a taxi driver shoot back?

One can dream......

Wis's avatar

I made the same comment but in story form! This is *much* better, Beth! 😆

Cindy Froggatt's avatar

He’s going to try to sell his bibles to Pope Leo!

John Townsend's avatar

Pope Leo puts him in the Vatican jail for heresy?

Mauimom's avatar

Or perhaps burns him at the stake.

John Townsend's avatar

That's putting the fat in the fire!

Jeffrey Smith's avatar

Declaring that the Iran nuclear deal that he backed out of was actually treasonous, and hence Bondi... sorry, the new guy would indict Obama

HarrisWalz FTW 2024's avatar

A false flag assassination attempt on himself.

Susan Fernbach's avatar

POTUS is into recycling…

John Townsend's avatar

--psychological garbage, not the physical kind!

HarrisWalz FTW 2024's avatar

Third time's a charm?

MJDurb's avatar

Well, he's done it before (forgot to leave a little scar). This time he could go for what's left of his scalp.

Ellen Harris's avatar

MJDurb, agreed, and want to laugh but also a little bit ee-ugh 🤔

Kat's avatar

Or just, a false flag. I expect one between now and November.

Glenn Sills's avatar

Dissatisfied with the level of support he has been getting from JD "Couchman" Vance, Trump decides to fire the VP. I mean, he got to fire everyone on "The Apprentice" didn't he?

John's avatar

Well, Cuba’s the understudy, and it would definitely be more Venezuela than Iran. Oh, I know, Operation Haiti Hoover! Stay with me on this. We take over, I.e. destroy everything via air and land assault (ten minutes max), and it becomes a Peach Pol Pot resort. Mass murder of all the gangs, put everyone poor in jail or let them work off their sentences as prisoners of war for prison wages max.

John Townsend's avatar

Don't give him ideas......

Mary Gilbert's avatar

tRump will throw Melanoma under the bus and say that SHE is the co-conspirator with Epstein & Maxwell; he was only at the low brow sex parties to keep an eye on ‘I Don’t Care, Do You? so he could gather intelligencia for future use to bail his fat arse out when he gets his hand caught in the cookie jar.

John Townsend's avatar

Or Melania runs off with George Clooney and Brad Pitt to live in a menage a' quatre

with Amal!

Wendy Tucker's avatar

Amal would never stand for it. Nor George. Brad Pitt would take on anyone stupid enough to have him. WHAT a loser.

RandomHuman's avatar

Aliens, ofc. Not the nice blue ones. The ones that want to take over. This allows his buddies to make even more bank off weapons.

Holly Starbright's avatar

I notice that after the cease fire was announced, oil prices fell significantly. Sounds like the whole lazzo was another ploy by the Richie Riches to make big bucks.

Frances K. Lockwood's avatar

The usual market manipulation. It happens on a almost daily basis.

Ellen Harris's avatar

I think you’re onto something

Beth McClellan's avatar

Ha, could be! And which Faux News host would he hire to take JD’s place? Or maybe Eric?

Ellen Harris's avatar

Yes Eric is a good choice

Robin D's avatar

Hopefully die. Hit in the head with a golf ball going 100mph...⛳ Has Tiger Woods dried out yet?

Jafferd's avatar

MAGA doesn't need a distraction. Bringing the world to the brink shows what a brilliant negotiator Trump is—Iran blinked. He won. And, the world is safer for it. 🫣Please, Lord, add lots of Valium to the water supply.

Nick Mincoff's avatar

Leaving NATO just for fun!

Eleanor (Ellie) J. Fox's avatar

HOW do we make Congress impeach him in these 2 weeks???

Andy Borowitz's avatar

This is where our system fails. In a parliamentary democracy like the UK, a fiasco like Iran (not to mention the erratic behavior) would likely trigger a vote of no confidence. Surely Republicans would rather have a different leader going into the midterms.

JeffJ's avatar

We voters deserve the right to take votes of no confidence to recall ANY and EVERY politician at any time (including judges?) Hold them to their campaign promises!

Andy Borowitz's avatar

Again, this is where a parliamentary democracy is preferable. Not that voters in one can automatically call an election, but a regime that is failing is somewhat more readily ousted. (See: Liz Truss in the UK. She lasted about 40 days as prime minister.)

JeffJ's avatar
3hEdited

How about at the state level, like (some) voters tried to recall Newsom? (I know, state level, but for reps and senators?)

HarrisWalz FTW 2024's avatar

I had to explain this on Substack a couple of months ago to a perfectly livid gentleman from the U.K. We don't have the option here for a vote of no confidence.

Wendy Tucker's avatar

Yeah....but poor old Queen Lilibet died a couple of days later. I know she'd been ailing for a while, but the timing........?

John's avatar

But we do except for the President. It just takes too long to mount a recall campaign; except in CA I guess.

RJM's avatar

And Wisconsin (where it failed, alas).

Nicole Barenbaum's avatar

Hold them to their oath to uphold the Constitution!

Theo Zimmermann's avatar

I think the 25th has become more appropriate.

Julius Marold's avatar

Appropriate, yes, likely, no.

SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

Why is it up to the Cabinet? With every president, the Cabinet

is made up of people close to the pres. Unlikely to vote him

out. Congress should have this right. They represent US. Or,

they're supposed to.

Susan H Russell's avatar

Ditto. With HIS Cabinet and VP? They wouldn't invoke the 25th amendment on him if he threatened to annihilate the United States!

Leslie Kain's avatar

agreed. They've all drunk the Koolaid

Mariellen's avatar

Too bad Vance is away shilling for Viktor Orban.

Frau Katze's avatar

Or it would result in the party removing Trump. That happened in Canada a few months ago.

Trudeau was wildly unpopular. The Liberal Party told him he had to go and brought in Mark Carney to replace him. They called an election and the Liberals won.

The prime minister is just another Member of Parliament. He has nothing like the power of the US president.

Robert E.'s avatar

The Power of Absolute Corruption.

Gail T's avatar

Yes! There ARE ways... Seems we definitely need some recourse instead of having to endure so much depravity and corruption.

Leslie Kain's avatar

unfortunately, our system doesn't work like that. The only corollary would be if he tried to run again, the GOP wouldn't support his candidacy. And then he could defy it and run anyway, defeated only by voting (if voting still existed in this country)

Wendy Tucker's avatar

The GOP could be persuaded to let him run again, especially if we were in the midst of a full blown war. Argument would be that it's stupid to change horses in midstream. Giddyap, DonnieBoy.

Patricia Fry's avatar

Great guy though

Pradnya Sikand's avatar

Andy , I love your optimism and your geniality! 😉💕! The Republicans have been enabling and abetting this deranged evil moron for the past ten years! He has enabled them to be lazy, spineless and morally bankrupt! Why would they suddenly want someone different? Competent, ethical , decent, putting the American people first ?

It's Come To This's avatar

And in Britain it would take about 15 minutes, followed by the King announcing new elections two weeks later -- which would be counted in a few hours -- and a new PM popping into Buckingham Palace to obtain permission to form a new government the very next morning.

When the Brits decide to move, they really move.

Frances K. Lockwood's avatar

Indeed, but to keep this in perspective, Britain probably is the size of Alabama. Try this with 50 states.

Gail T's avatar

Love the idea...

John Townsend's avatar

Surely, they even now lack the spine to do anything about Trump!

Annie Larson's avatar

sorry, UK. Our conservatives aren't that smart.

Wendy Tucker's avatar

Wish it were so about Republicans. But who among them have the balls to question?

lucilleduchesne@gmail.com's avatar

They still wouldn’t survive.

Cindy Froggatt's avatar

25 47

Two weeks is enough time for Republicans to invoke the 25th amendment and have Trump removed from the White House in a straitjacket.

Lee Taplinger's avatar

Two weeks is enough time for sniveling Republicans to do what they've always done.

Wendy Tucker's avatar

I think invocation of #25 requires certain hormones called estrogen & testosterone --neither of which any Republican has.

Susan Dilks's avatar

I'll count the days. Or should it be hours?

Joseph M Becker's avatar

His development had long been arrested.

John Townsend's avatar

Now the rest of him should be arrested!

Julius Marold's avatar

Who would do the arresting?

Leslie's avatar

Thank You for volunteering ☺️

Joseph M Becker's avatar

Who has more to gain than JD Vance?

Melania threatened suicide if DJT were to be sentenced to house arrest.

Wendy Tucker's avatar

Because he'd be around all the time? She could wear a t-shirt saying, 'I Don't Care, Do You.' Right below would be a hand giving the middle finger.

Frau Katze's avatar

There’s your problem.

Wendy Tucker's avatar

I volunteer. Seriously. I'd do it.

Debbie's avatar

As soon as he is out of office directly to jail!

Susan Becker's avatar

That didn't work the first time. I have little faith it would work this time.

John Townsend's avatar

From your keyboard to God's earlobes!

Michael Frank's avatar

Start by electing a congress with balls and a spine

Leslie Kain's avatar

Or his Cabinet execute 25th Amendment Section 4

Cicada's avatar

No matter what the GOP does now, it’s too little, too late. At least for these next two voting cycles. What damage they’ve been complicit in causing, from making a mockery of our Judicial system to causing America to be considered the Nation of Ignorant Fools the world over, this party must make amends and earn the trust of the voting public. No easy task. In fact nearly impossible barring some kind of miracle. So… the next “distraction” will depend on just how much people are willing to exploit the current system for exorbitant amounts of money. From the destruction of the East Wing, plans for a golden calf/Arch, to defacing public buildings with felonious names, where the money is too good to pass on, people are willing to forego any ethics or morality to obtain. What’s next (finally)? Having a vivid imagination myself, I never would have thought up the antics and shame that this current administration has ensued. I’m a bit bewildered as to what can come next. I just hope taking over Cuba, kidnapping leaders, or, starting wars with African Nations to keep the military busy, aren’t in the mix here.

I can only Hope. Sorry, Andy… I’m at a loss.

Dana Campbell's avatar

How, during a recess? By absentee mail-in ballot? That could be the next distraction.

Susan Mongar's avatar

He will send troops to overtake Alaska, forgetting it is a US state.

Susie's avatar

Heh heh heh. 😜

Terri Ann Pollock's avatar

And he’ll be wondering why Sara Palin hasn’t come to his rescue.

Wendy Tucker's avatar

She's too busy looking at Russia from her kitchen window.

John Townsend's avatar

Said troops to be defeated by weaponized snowballs!

Sheryl Thompson's avatar

I appreciate your humor so much. Thank you. And I’m relieved he TACO’d today. But one of these times his dementia addled brain will decide to drop the nuke he’s so obsessed with.

Sandi's avatar

That was my first thought. We lucked out this time. There has to be some way to get him out of the White House. Maybe with something shiny.

Wendy Tucker's avatar

Do you think just maybe--for the good of God & Country--Stormy could be persuaded to emerge and lure him back for a good old time reunion--telling him he was the best and biglyest ever ever. I betcha she'd do it. She seems like a reasonable person.

bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

We just have to hope that Hegseth hasn't gone full rogue and pulled a Slim Pickens, riding a nuke inscribed with Deus vult over Tehran

Robin D's avatar

That would be too easy for him. He would not be able to show off his "masculine lethality". He's polishing his chain mail armor, saddling up his horse, getting his American flag with a huge cross where the stars used to be, and is going to put his Crusade tattoos to good use for this holy war he and and the other evangelicals are dreaming of. Armegeddon.

Marcia Cleveland's avatar

Renaming the Moon after himself.

Maureen O'Malley's avatar

"To the moon, (Donald)."

Frau Katze's avatar

Isn’t Trump the man in the moon?

John Townsend's avatar

No, he's stuck on Earth unfortunately!

John Townsend's avatar

--and putting a profitable casino there!

Paulette Weiser's avatar

His next distraction will be to fire Pete Hegseth and nominate Barron! This is satire, right?!

Leslie's avatar

Too funny I actually thought about that after I suggested Kid Rock earlier

John Townsend's avatar

Maybe yes, maybe no? Wait another two weeks and find out?

Ted Meckler's avatar

Here is hoping it is suicide.

Tess Enfield's avatar

Like Epstein committed suicide?

Ted Meckler's avatar

Actually, I was thinking more like when Hitler committed suicide.

Wendy Tucker's avatar

Yeah. Right. Suicide....of course it was.

mer t's avatar

Sure.., that’ll happen!!🫩

Sarah McAuliffe-Bellin's avatar

I think he will turn toward domestic abuse like opening up Yellowstone park to oil drilling and possibly Grand Canyon. Because you know the strait of Hormuz is closed.

Ada Fuller's avatar

Someone needs to tell Trump there is a golf course he might like in southeast Cuba, then when he goes to look at it, shut the gate to Guantanamo and leave him there!

bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

I like the way you think

Barbara Brimlow's avatar

Declare that Mar-a-Lago is now the White House and Congress will be moving to Florida and be housed in one of his hotels.

Jane Gutsell's avatar

Plausible. He referred to the White House as a "dump" in his 1st term. Congress to be housed in one of his properties at THE AMERICAN TAX PAYERS' EXPENSE but the money going to him. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Susan von Beethoven's avatar

But congress will have to pay Trump to stay at his hotels.

John Townsend's avatar

--at double the prices for Democrats!

John Townsend's avatar

--where the magnetic door keys will not work for Democratic reps.

Wendy Holtzman's avatar

Announce his engagement to Ivanka.

bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

And then stage a cage fight between a mildly sedated Melania and an amped up Ivanka, while Jared is quietly "disappeared".

lucilleduchesne@gmail.com's avatar

I think it was Howard Stern who asked Donald if he was a sexual predator and Ivanka, sitting beside him, said “yes, he is”.

bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

That is so.....beyond creepy

Wendy Tucker's avatar

'If she wasn't my daughter, I'd date her.' A line for the ages.

Being a father to a daughter does not insure decency nor appropriate parental care.

Randy Pulley's avatar

After a successful trip to the moon by NASA, he’s going to have the moon renamed the Trump Very Big Nightlight. “Nobody has a nightlight better than this! It lights the whole world at night, even the shit hole countries…”

Barry Gerber's avatar

He will become a Muslim, be named “Ayatollah Cockamamie,” and become Iran’s Supreme Leader. “Praise to Allah.”

Kent's avatar

He will declare himself to be the Pope.

Joanne Rossmassler Fritz's avatar

Well said! That's exactly what I was going to say!

John Townsend's avatar

His Holiness Donaldus Dufus The First!

David E. Roy  Ph.D.'s avatar

How about a teen beauty contest with Iranian young ladies?

Susan Dilks's avatar

Why insult the Iranians?

Kathy Michel's avatar

Live stream his colonoscopy.

John Townsend's avatar

--where the probe will be lost inside the cavernous innards!

Lee Taplinger's avatar

With no pre- laxatives.