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Andy Borowitz's avatar

WASHINGTON—Visiting the White House on Monday, Syrian President Ahmed al-Sharaa said he was “utterly horrified by the scale of destruction” he found there.

“This place has been flattened, reduced to rubble,” he said. “It is like nothing I have ever seen.”

Al-Sharaa pledged that Syria would do “everything we can” to aid in the White House’s reconstruction, telling Donald Trump, “Mr. President, you must find who did this and bring them to justice.”

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Phil M.'s avatar

But seriously, the contractors trump hired to destroy OUR HOUSE, did so illegally. Can anybody hire somebody to destroy a house they don't own? Those contractors did not have any sort of immunity. And they have committed serious felony offenses.

IF what they did was somehow legal? Then we need to hire somebody to bulldoze Mar-a-lago. Think about it.

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bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

You know, when the country elects a two bit shyster to the presidency and that shysters brings in an entire crew of duds and screwups, you just know whoever he hired to demolish thr East Wing is probably registered in a third world country, where there's just a P.O.box and a disconnected phone.

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Frau Katze's avatar

The company that carried out the demolition was swamped by bad reviews. I saw an article on it.

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Jocelyn B's avatar

And did they ever even get paid? Ha! I seriously doubt it.

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Italien's avatar

They’ll never fucking get paid. That’s the way our dear shitweasel rolls…😑

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John Townsend's avatar

--or a drop box address registered in Nevada, or even Delaware!

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bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

Another possibility

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Ann Rock's avatar

He’ll just pardon them….

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John Townsend's avatar

A single bomb from above.......

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Phil M.'s avatar

From the Chicago national guard.

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John Townsend's avatar

--or a mysterious drone!

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Sheri Drisac's avatar

Hell yeah!!! I'm tired of waiting for Mother Nature to send in a Cat 5 hurricane!!!

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Michael Richmond's avatar

Andy, one of your very best!!!

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Kat's avatar

omg

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Kat's avatar

so funny

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Italien's avatar

Love the “fallen foot specialist”…I saw what you did there, you sly Nobel contender…thank the gods, and you, O AB, we’re laughing…🥳

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John Townsend's avatar

"--and Mr. President, just look in the mirror to find out!"

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Marmo's avatar

OMG - so good, AB.

The truth is that Dump thought, for no reason, that drug dealers were hiding in the East Wing, so he blew it up. He feels it's better to be safe than sorry - they might have been hiding Tylenol with intent to sell. So, he thought it would be better to blow up the East Wing first and investigate later.

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Cathy Wampler's avatar

I thought the Epstein files were in the East Wing … or was that the Lardo Margo bathroom?

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Italien's avatar

Throw the bastard in a tunnel!!😤

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Donna H Kurz's avatar

We're with Al-Sharaa.....

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Michael Stayton's avatar

Syria must look like a beautiful garden. 😏😏😏

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Italien's avatar

🤣🤣🤣

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Bobbie75's avatar

I wonder how this historic event will be discussed in history books.

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Sharon English's avatar

And the Fallen Arch de Trump

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

BRILLIANT! Guffaw worthy!

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bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

Along with the little known Flat Foot Squadron and the Bunion Brigade

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John Townsend's avatar

--in a circle of imitation bone spurs made out of cement! The flame in the center

gives bad foot odor!

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Wis's avatar

Har!!

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John's avatar

Brilliant mate, just brilliant.

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Sheri Drisac's avatar

🎯😂🤣😅🤣

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Jocelyn B's avatar

🤣🤣🤣

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Marlene Lerner-Bigley (CA)'s avatar

The unknown podiatrist needs a cankle monument.

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John Townsend's avatar

-- and the columns would be so-o-o wide!

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bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

And covered in gold leaf!

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Hank Napkin's avatar

This reminds me of the time Santa came down our chimney and stole all my dad's bourbon.

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John Townsend's avatar

--and you stumbled and burped all Christmas Day, right?

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Hank Napkin's avatar

Sir! You insult a Scotch drinker!

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John Townsend's avatar

Well, Santa is just going to put me over his lap and spank me! So hard,

that the coal in the stockings will turn to diamonds!

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Edith Griffin's avatar

One of your best, Andy. Both vicious and hilarious. You are a wonder.

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It's Come To This's avatar

Thank you, Andy, for highlighting a true patriot and real exemplar of national service, rather than the tongue-bathing of an insecure, bratty little dick-tater.

Salute to all veterans on this Day of Remembrance, first commemorated at the eleventh hour, on the eleventh day, of the eleventh month, supposedly to end all wars for all times. We are in awe and gratitude to all of you.

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John Townsend's avatar

Amen!

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James Hawley's avatar

Hopefully, soon a professional (possibly not a podiatrist) will honor “bone spurs” with an ankle bracelet fashioned by a jailer.

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Barry Blue's avatar

Isn’t that a cankle bracelet? And where will they find one big enough? The elephant house at the zoo?

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John Townsend's avatar

--or fashioned from around the leg of a frozen mammoth!

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Wis's avatar

Leg irons! Perfect! We’ll even spray paint them gold so they don’t clash with his orange jumpsuit. In his prison wear, he’ll be a vision in unnatural, gawdy orange, from hair to feet.

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John Townsend's avatar

Absolutely lovely from head to toe! And gold, rhinestone-flecked stilettos to titillate

the other inmates!

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Wis's avatar

😅. You’re deliciously malicious! If we carry this a bit farther, we can lock him in a cell with two buy guys, both named “Bubba”. They’ll appreciate the stilettos, though the cankles will detract a bit from mystique. We wouldn’t have to add makeup. He has shitloads of makeup on already.

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Abso-fuckin-lutely PERFECT!!! And a vision we all can't wait to see! One we've longed and yearned for so bitterly and desperately that when it happens, we'll all think we're zoomin' on shrooms.

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

May it be so.

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John Townsend's avatar

--with a gold patina that flakes off later....or said gold flakes traded for cigarettes!

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Paul Snyderman's avatar

Does this have an association with Trump's obsession with Golden Arches? It's almost Freudian.

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Almost? Methinks you've hit the nail on the foot. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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John Townsend's avatar

Mayhap, the thing will be covered in sesame seeds! There could be two arches, nicknamed

"Big Buns"!

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Michael Richmond's avatar

I guess Trump's podiatrist could not have found a way to cure the dreaded foot-in-mouth disease.

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Only one cure for a case this bad -- may it come swiftly.

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John Townsend's avatar

--like a kick in the pants!

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Marmo's avatar

It's difficult, John Townsend, to tell one end from the other with him because the same comes out of both.

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John Townsend's avatar

--caused definitely by false diagnoses!

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ceekaycee's avatar

He could not even look concerned for someone in his very presence experiencing a medical emergency. Clearly, he has no idea regarding what it means to fight for a greater cause other than perhaps promoting that of a granddaughter selling a new fashion line.

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glenn faass's avatar

Which one of them - the podiatrist or the shirker - is a foot soldier?

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Hilarious! And yet a stupefying stinker of an enigma. We may never know.

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John Townsend's avatar

neither.

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Ah, by George you've got it!

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Robert Early's avatar

Perfect biting satire. Thank you.

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Katherine James's avatar

LOLOLOLOLOLOL

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Beth McClellan's avatar

From the looks of the photo, he took a little nappy during the ceremony.

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Wis's avatar

(Of course he did! Serious, emotional public ceremonies are where he gets his best sleep.)

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Beth McClellan's avatar

lol!

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Cheryl Schwartz's avatar

What a perfect way for Cankles McBonespurs to celebrate Veterans Day! Thank you for making me laugh after yesterday’s disastrous performance by the idiots who should be long gone from the Democratic Party! Keep up your brilliant satire. It’s making it easier to fight the stupidity when we’re able to laugh. Andy, we need you more than ever!

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Sam Popkin's avatar

Worst foot soldier in history.

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