Trump Puts Musk in Charge of Absorbing All Drugs Coming into US
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Taking advantage of the Tesla CEO’s special skillset, Donald J. Trump on Tuesday put Elon Musk in charge of absorbing all drugs coming into the US.
“Any drugs that come in will have to go through Elon,” Trump said. “I can’t wait for Elon to go wild on drugs.”
Musk will discharge his new duties as head of a rebooted DOGE (Drugged Oligarch Governing Erratically).
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Not to be confused with DOPE (Department Of Personal Enrichment) which his boss heads up.
Normal people don't wave chainsaws around on a stage, give Nazi salutes to adoring crowds, appoint incels to shatter the careers of thousands for no reason whatever, attend Cabinet meetings in baseball caps, and father dozens of illegitimate children --- all at the same time.