368 Comments
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Bradford W.'s avatar

Not to be confused with DOPE (Department Of Personal Enrichment) which his boss heads up.

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Linda MacDonald's avatar

Perfect acronym! DOPE! Requires billboard OR signs at protests especially June 14!

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Annette's avatar

TACO DOPE!

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Mandy S. Twiny's avatar

Oh, yyyyes! Excellent idea.

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Michael Richmond's avatar

Musk is also involved with DOPE -- he wants the guys from his space program to take over air traffic control, among many other things.

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jon Hodson's avatar

complete with blowing planes like with the latest explosions on his rockets

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Jennifer I's avatar

Just saw a youtube on the level of pollution his factory in Tennessee is causing...criminal alien drugged up goon

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Joseph M Becker's avatar

Elon takes Memphis - a city, not a drug.

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Michael Richmond's avatar

Yup, and like the panels falling off those absurdly ugly "trucks".

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John Townsend's avatar

If only common sense and decency would take over Musk!

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Joseph M Becker's avatar

Did/do you seriously contemplate the possibility of either occurring?

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Melody Stuart's avatar

Sadly, that will never happen, but we could only hope.

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Jennifer I's avatar

Ahhhhhhh! Pulling hair out. His level of contribution to 'pollution' is going to reach Mars...personally - that would be a great comeuppance for this alien goon.

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Michael Richmond's avatar

The sooner the better.

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Melody Stuart's avatar

That's truly scary!

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Katherine P Duncan's avatar

Bradford W. excellent!

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Babydoc's avatar

Excellent!

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The Rickster's avatar

Keep ‘em coming, Substackers. DIAPER, Drugs in all people Elon recruits.

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C. Killion's avatar

Well, hell, honey, those doge- twerps are still IN diapers!

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M.E. Lawrence's avatar

Those adolescent twits are getting in my head: got a call this morning from a nice young credit union clerk, apologizing for a (rather dumb) error he had made, and without thinking I said, "You're not part of Elon's crew, are you?"

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John Townsend's avatar

--or what Trump secretly desires: "Department of Penis Extensions".

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M.E. Lawrence's avatar

My husband refers to most sports cars as penis extenders. I don't think golf carts count.

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HelmGirl's avatar

golf carts just get you to the green faster, so you can cheat

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

lol

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HelmGirl's avatar

Miracle of miracles, you made me laugh out loud!

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Joseph M Becker's avatar

Ya can’t extend what ain’t there.

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John Townsend's avatar

--or Department of Petty Excuses!

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M Seits's avatar

DIPE! That’s perfect!!

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Dick Eger's avatar

Great, clever comment.

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Pat Goudey OBrien's avatar

So true!!!! Good one.

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Jay Wilson's avatar

That's SO Dope!

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John Lawlor Jr's avatar

If you decide to work for DOPE, payment will be from Elon's stash, not Don Jr's.

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It's Come To This's avatar

Normal people don't wave chainsaws around on a stage, give Nazi salutes to adoring crowds, appoint incels to shatter the careers of thousands for no reason whatever, attend Cabinet meetings in baseball caps, and father dozens of illegitimate children --- all at the same time.

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Harriet's avatar

Agree, but ALL children are legitimate regardless of paternal origin.

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T L Mills's avatar

Even Lone Skum's children (most via IVF), are legit, even though they are, through no fault or choice of their own, are doomed to possess half of their DNA from the drug-addicted sperm donor who is their bio-dad. Poor kids.

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

T L, I'll whisper this: Please, pretty please, not "Elmo." Please think of another sobriquet for the bum. The real Elmo is such a honey, so sweet and so well loved.

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J Cheng's avatar

"Melon" comes to mind..... If and when he gets convicted of a felony, he can be Melon the Felon

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geraldinemellon's avatar

Please, I'm a Mellon, but no felon. . .😕

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

Geraldine, I am sure that you are not only a Mellon, but a peach along with it.

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J Cheng's avatar

I'm glad you have the extra L - you are nothing like Melon the alleged Felon.....I'm sure!

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T L Mills's avatar

I was in high school when Sesame Street began, so most unfortunately, I never became acquainted or invested in the lovable fuzzy denizens...but yes, I'll edit my comment and use something else.

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

I love you, T L! Like you, I certainly wasn't weaned on Sesame Street, but I saw enough to have fondness for the gang and, well, Elmo, Elmo... The change you made is apt, indeed.

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Annette's avatar

Elmo cares about all of us! Unlike the orange blob in the White House.

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

I wasn't weaned on SS either, LR, but both my

sons sure were!

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Joseph M Becker's avatar

HAIM on Sesame Street: https://video.search.yahoo.com/search/video?fr=aaplw&ei=utf-8&p=haim+sesame+street#id=1&vid=de5c63f79c8c956cea74cfaa4b3928d3&action=click

HAIM begins the 27-stop USA leg of their 'i quit' tour on September 4th in Philadelphia, before moving on to Madison Square Garden.

OR, you can catch them in Barcelona, Portugal, and/or Japan.

Their 'i quit' record will drop on June 20th.

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Annette's avatar

I think his son, X, has more intelligence, empathy and common sense than Daddy Muskrat and ConOLD.

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T L Mills's avatar

probably more than both of them put together...not that 47 adds much of anything to the IQ, empathy or common sense total of both of them. Any useful intelligence, empathy, common sense and artistic appreciation will come from Claire, Lil X's mother.

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John Townsend's avatar

Does "X" mark the spot for a new beginning? A mutation of common sense

and decency?

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

Especially if he really did sock him in the eye.

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Joseph M Becker's avatar

The number ‘1’ is both Agent Orange’s IQ and Musk’s remaining sperm count.

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Annette's avatar

<snort laugh>

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Frau Katze's avatar

lol 😺

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Susan Stone's avatar

Love your anagram.

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Joseph M Becker's avatar

Did Musk pull a Bezos and send a dick pic to the women undergoing IVF with his sperm?

Worse yet would be videos of him providing the semen.

Then again, he is such a jerk-off.

A real whack job - Musk himself as well as how the semen samples were provided.

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Robin D's avatar

It’s a generational term. I’m 69. When I was young, if a girl had a child out of wedlock the term was illegitimate. I didn’t know anyone back then who would have a baby unmarried. If they got pregnant they usually gave the baby up for adoption or had a “shot gun wedding”, another term not used anymore. Then we got the pill and legal abortion. Celebrities like Farrah Fawcett and Goldie Hawn were 2 of the earliest women I can remember who chose to have children without marriage. Now no one would blink an eye. Even Marla Maples had Tiffany before she and Donnie were married. I have tons of gay male friends. “Queer” was a pejorative. I would never use that word to describe them, but it’s societal. I watched an old Bette Davis movie from the 1940s and one of the lines was “Let’s be gay”. It meant happy then. Society changes.

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Susan Stone's avatar

Robin, I'm 80 and those terms were in vogue when I was young.

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Harriet's avatar

Yes, unfortunately, our generation lived through that awful period. Now, we're living through another awful period.

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Susan Stone's avatar

That period may have been awful in some ways, but in others, to my mind, it was at least peaceful. Mostly.

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Harriet's avatar

Agreed and thank you.

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misia.d's avatar

The chainsaw bit is an evergreen reminder of the recklessness of these ma-gag appointments. I hope the Democrats will fund short spots to run on Red media sites to rub it in.

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Brilliant!!! I love this idea!!! Hear, hear, Dems, let's do this!!!

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T L Mills's avatar

The Lincoln Project does a good job with theirs, but more ads about the the perfidy of Musk and the absurdly cruel cuts in Medicaid and SNAP benefits certainly can't hurt.

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LHS's avatar

He's been reminding me of Caligula.

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Elaine Fleming's avatar

I've been thinking that,too. And, like Caliigula (and who doesn't love John Hurt?) Maybe he'd put a horse in charge of the Senate, like maybe Mr. Ed, certainly an improvement.

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John Townsend's avatar

Hope it never gets that bad!

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Anne Fletcher-Jones's avatar

He does rather, doesn’t he!

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Robin D's avatar

Or wear cheese 🧀 hats on their heads. Such a buffoon. Kara Swisher who writes about tech and also has a podcast knows all of those silicon valley creeps and Elon for years calls Elon “Baby Huey”. 😂

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It's Come To This's avatar

Not fair. There's someone else who far more closely resembles an obese, diaper-clad baby with a dull, whinybitchy voice. Think carefully. A dead marmoset on his head, shoe lifts, little fingers, dementia-filled eyes...

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John Townsend's avatar

--and when his ego deflates, it goes "Drumpf, Drumpf, Drumpf......."

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Robin D's avatar

Kara Swisher’s term. That’s what she calls Elon.

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Jennifer I's avatar

Ha! Thanks for the laugh this morning.

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Jennifer I's avatar

and yet T won the vote of many middle class. How did the Dems loose our base? wait...I think I know why - redistricting, making it harder to vote, suppressing the vote, fake news, and now huge lawsuits against anyone who does not follow the Nazi T to their grave. And...Dems need to learn how to fight like they do.

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John Townsend's avatar

--or hire a complicit chef in the White House...

If the deep state really existed, he'd be long gone by now!

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Joseph M Becker's avatar

We can no longer afford to disdain fighting dirty. They have been doing it for decades.

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John Townsend's avatar

Musk needs medication!

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Robin D's avatar

I think he’s got that covered.

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

lol

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Celia Smith's avatar

Better life through chemistry!

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Robin D's avatar

My dear Celia! My sentiments exactly!

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Celia Smith's avatar

Great minds, Robin... 😜

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Joseph M Becker's avatar

So, that’s what Musk's come to.

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Mandy S. Twiny's avatar

The non-normaler the better.

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

Yeah.ICTC. Seems someone would have noticed,

doesn't it?

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Frau Katze's avatar

Or give their children weird names like X.

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Pat Halloran's avatar

The week is young yet, only Tuesday morning, but once of the scariest comments so far this week was the realization and admission (lack of prior knowledge) of a hurricane season by the appointed head of FEMA. Oh, yikes

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Bobbie75's avatar

The head of FEMA actually knows WHEN Hurricane season is? Whoever informed them must be replaced immediately.

Anyway, I thought DOGE insisted Hurricane season be cancelled and pulled the funding, saved billions of $.

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Robot Bender's avatar

Yeah, I just cringed when I read that. Don't expect any help, Red states. You voted for it.

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Stan Duffner's avatar

Blue states/people will be hurt just the same and we didn't vote for it

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Robot Bender's avatar

I know that. Their stupidity harms everyone.

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Marlene Lerner-Bigley (CA)'s avatar

CA will be in dire straits if we go through wildfires again without any help from FEMA.

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Bobbie75's avatar

I’d mention that a significant number of blue people live in red states, but that’s just weird. People aren’t colors.

But even in so called red and blue states, most ran very close. It is why he (sadly) actually won the popular vote, although with a plurality rather than majority.

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Marcia Z Bookstein's avatar

When I called people in Kansas to vote against the amendment that would pretty much ban abortion, they said that Kansas was a blue state (Dem governor) but that it had been gerrymandered.

Now I'm walking and calling people in District One for the County Board of Supervisors. The primary saw an 18% turnout and the Republican got 42% of that vote. It's all about turnout. Why are registered Dems OK with not voting? Anyone? I talked to two. One said, "They're all liars". The other one said, "This country is full of the devil. In every cranny and crevasse."

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Colleen Sullivan's avatar

Tragic, Marcia. I've called registered voters in other states, too. I don't understand it.

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Marcia Z Bookstein's avatar

I've' got my hunches. When I walked for Bernie in Southeast San Diego--neighborhoods of immigrants, people of color, working poor--one fellow told me, "I had hope for change. I didn't get change and I lost hope."

I felt that my job was to give hope. Bernie, to speak the truth, was my only hope. And the establishment was determined to sink his campaign.

Week after week of walking, I watched as people seemed to struggle to stay afloat, and I began to imagine those experimental rats in beakers, treading water til they drowned. (How depressing--sorry!) So I surmise that the people who don't vote have given up. But I don't know. I asked for 500 names of non-voters that I can call. The exec director of the dem party here turned me down. More recently I wrote to David Hogg asking the same thing. People look at statistics--age, level of education, sex, etc--but that's not asking and getting a real answer.

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Annette's avatar

he said he was just kidding . . . that's one of the tRump playbook responses when someone is called out for a ludicrous comment. Another popular comment is "I don't know anything about that" and, from KaroLIE, "you'll have to check with that department."

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Stan Duffner's avatar

He says he doesn't know because he doesn't want anyone to blame him or he doesn't actually know (or remember). He doesn't remember how to speak in complete coherent sentences if he ever knew. He can sort of read ok if the sentence isn't too long.

Leavit doesn't want to know anything, plausible deniability. Plus her press conferences are shorter then if she doesn't have any information to pass on

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Annette's avatar

I agree, Stan; tRump has trouble with words of more than 3 syllables, but enjoys resurrecting "old" words (like groceries). KaroLIE favors, and seems to have stacked the press room, with fawning, obsequious reporters from news agencies with questionable credentials.

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Gretchen's avatar

Today and tomorrow all NOAA equipment is being upgraded nationwide. But no worries! Just look out a window to watch for a tornado. (I live in central Illinois.) Thanks, Musk!

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Mike Sabes's avatar

Trump has a great knack of picking ignorant incompetent folks to head agencies.

We are in trouble!

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misia.d's avatar

Maybe hurricanes are just fake news.

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Marcia Z Bookstein's avatar

They do the same sort of damage.

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William R MEYER's avatar

All you have to do is take a sharpie and redirect them. No problem.

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bruce schneider's avatar

The Trumpster's first great idea. This new "short-stop" approach will take pressure off reduced staff at FDA and DEA and Make America Safe Again. I hear the stable genius is planning to do the same for RFKJr for all incoming food colorings and Linda McMahon to stop all incoming thoughts.

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Pat Goudey OBrien's avatar

LOL. I wish the ludicrousness of the Trump Regime were heavy enough to weigh it right down. It is massively ludicrous.

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Annette's avatar

excellent idea for his administration . . . put McMahon in charge of stopping all books coming into the country too.

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John Townsend's avatar

--can't stop anything about which she knows nothing!

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Katherine P Duncan's avatar

Finally! Something that uses Musk's finest talent.

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Lucy K.'s avatar

Zing, hit the bullseye with that! I just heard about the US Institute of Peace being restored to the rightful owners by a federal judge. DOGE had taken it over, removed their data, thrown everyone out, even though it's not a federal agency & start to finish it was unlawful. The returning staff found the building had been abandoned for weeks, had water damage, roaches, rats AND marijuana the crazies had left behind. What a classy bunch! 😠

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Annette's avatar

let's send DOGE a bill for damages and repairs!

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Bobbie75's avatar

Let’s send it to their boss.

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Jim McCarthy's avatar

If you mean Trump, he doesn't pay his bills. Long-established practice.

That's why he's so comfortable with the national debt and his own monumental efforts to increase it.

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Bobbie75's avatar

Actually I meant Musk. You are right, the felon thinks not paying his obligations and bankruptcy are SOP. He is also happy to spend other people’s money.

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Celia Smith's avatar

I'm sure they'd jump right on it!

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Anne Fletcher-Jones's avatar

That is SCARY! I hope all agencies are taking precautions to make copies store all their data in safe locations just in case the Department Of Gutting Everything decides to shut them down.

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Gail T's avatar

Yes!!!!!!!!

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

Pray they don't leave our National Parks the same way.

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Charles Reed's avatar

Finally…someone qualified to guarantee the safety of our most precious resource…street drugs.

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Patti's avatar

And to add to the Mousse Department : we’re getting a new puppy, too! She will be called Ralph (after a beloved Henry James character).

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Sarah McAuliffe-Bellin's avatar

Excellent. Drugged Oligarch Governing Erratically. That pretty much sums him up. Add a D at the end for Deported when this hellscape settles.

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Tricia Wilson's avatar

Well, shoot, why didn’t he do that to start with?! Hello.

The ketamine kid’s kash would keep coming, and we could have been spared all the doge shit.

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Bobbie75's avatar

Lash or stash?

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Anne Fletcher-Jones's avatar

Did he mean kash patel? A man who looks permanently deranged?

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Tricia Wilson's avatar

I meant his donor cash...'got kkkkarried away. But agree the lash still stings, and his stash will be secured, no doubt. As far as Kash - Krazy, deranged, indeed. Scary dude, even before.

and just btw, doesn't it beggar belief to see the makeup of the entire Kabinet. The dear leader often refers to Central Casting - well, only the best people in the worst horror flick have been cast, for sure.

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Anne Fletcher-Jones's avatar

Central casting and total loyalty to dear leader (Oops! I mean TACO Don!) seem to be his sole reasons for appointing anyone!

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Sean M Carlin's avatar

The good news is that when his bladder is leaking due to abusing ketamine Trump always travels with adult sized Pampers.

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Annette's avatar

LOL . . . and ewwww

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Robert E.'s avatar

Stapled together.

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Patti's avatar

Andy, I love you. Hell, I’ll leave Long Suffering Spouse for you. (He and Brilliant Olivia can caper off some where.) You’re missing a crucial “to.” (Yes, I am a writer and editor. And I make a fuck load of misrajes.) I left that on ourpuse. and that, too.

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Susan Mongar's avatar

I had to reed it twice to discover the mising werd.

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Patti's avatar

You are makng me howl!

off to weed something. “Sommelier” just popped up and that feels pretty darn fine.

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Janeo's avatar

Stay away from weed, Patti!

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Patti's avatar

Nah, Janeo. Last time in Amsterdam. Want to join me?

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Tricia Wilson's avatar

You mean ‘go’ dontcha?

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Patti's avatar

I just might/

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Andy Borowitz's avatar

I added “go” but Strunk & White would say “omit needless words” - “Any drugs that come into the country will have to through Elon” adheres to that rule 😀

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Al Keim's avatar

Strunk & White, were they the duo with the mayonnaise jar that Ed McMahon used to go on about?

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Patti's avatar

OK: am fucking howling.

Spent too many yrs in Ithaca, NY. Kurt Vonnegut called it ‘Illium.” EB Whie created a perfect uniiversity called Ellis Hollow (a tony neighborhood; we almost lived there). You guys - all of you - make me fucking howl. How I love Andy — snd the community he has created.

That said: Andy, I would agree to disagree with you. Your punctuation statement is questionable. I’m in the fucking Uffizi with my Phils cap.

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Al Keim's avatar

Strunk and Funk! That was it. For a second I thought it might be White and Wagnall but that's a drugstore.

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Susan Fernbach's avatar

And all these years I thought Illium was Schenectady, the “GE” town

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matclone's avatar

As our friend Bill used to say, brevity is the soul of wit. You've got it.

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Susan Barnes's avatar

My two fave authors! My grad school copy is falling apart.

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John Townsend's avatar

Garbage in, garbage out.

We have enough of that already!

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Patti's avatar

I’m fucking quibbling with that.

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Anne Fletcher-Jones's avatar

Do you all think we might all be relying too much on predictive text?🫤😬

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Patti's avatar

Well, perhaps. But we all need a vice or two, don’t we?

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Sarah Krall's avatar

Totally unrelated, but I don't know where to make the comment: I just read about the big Saharan dust storm headed our way. It's a yearly, seasonal event, but quite large this year. Do you suppose T will try to punish north Africa, tariff it, turn his crazy, blaming, flaming mind in revenge and retribution to the weather gods?

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Sarah Krall's avatar

Here's another one: Staff of the Federal Emergency Management Agency were left baffled on Monday after the head of the U.S. disaster agency said he had not been aware the country has a hurricane season.

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Susan Sterner's avatar

The Fat Orange Asshole has used his big black Sharpie to cancel hurricane season.

That’s why Clueless in the disaster agency wasn’t aware of it.

So many incompetents.

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Robot Bender's avatar

He'll tell them to rake their deserts.

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marlyg's avatar

Or wet it down...

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HelmGirl's avatar

turn on that great big faucet in Canada, fly the water over in his biggest jumbo jet ever given to an orange turd.

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Tricia Wilson's avatar

just deserts.

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marlyg's avatar

Or wet it down...

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M Q's avatar

He will re-direct it by drawing with a Sharpie on a map.

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John Townsend's avatar

Heaven bless magical Sharpies!

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Annette's avatar

and then TACO tRump will take over and let the winds of dust rage.

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HelmGirl's avatar

He probably won't even know it's happening. He doesn't read his daily briefings, ya know? Maybe what's-her-name can make a video of it and submit it to him in the guise of a fox news show.

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Robert E.'s avatar

Likely on his "shithole continent" list.

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Kris Walker's avatar

And, when he overdoses and there is not a drug treatment facility open to assist, to quote one of our most enlightened Senators, "Well, we all are going to die." A big beautiful outcome.

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Annette's avatar

nicely stated!! But what about the tooth fairy (and I'm not talking about Lindsay Graham)?

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John Townsend's avatar

--with Betty Ford a-twirl in her grave!

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Barry Blue's avatar

Andy, I almost fell off my chair when I read the new meaning of DOGE!

I don’t know how you keep topping yourself each day!

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

It's the drugs, Barry.

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John Townsend's avatar

--or being driven to them.....

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Chris Edwards's avatar

“The man and the hour have met”. - William Lowndes Yancey

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