399 Comments
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Andy Borowitz's avatar

That turkey is worse than a Venezuelan fisherman.

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Pradnya Sikand's avatar

😂A complete loser, that turkey 🦃 A nasty, Leftist, too liberal for its own good! 😉Thanks Andy for such a hilarious start to another week of madness !😂❤️

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Lauri Robertson's avatar

That turkey is a piggy!

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Deborah Wilburn's avatar

And DEI transgender!

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Pat Goudey OBrien's avatar

LOL!

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Sean M Carlin's avatar

The shortage of fisherman and therefore fish will cause a spike in demand for turkey in Venezuela.

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Al Keim's avatar

Is that Reagan's trickle down economics in action Sean?

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Bob Graham's avatar

There's something trickling down in this Administration, but it isn't economics....

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Al Keim's avatar

Rudy's 'Just For Men'?

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John Townsend's avatar

Maybe just the cheap bronzer!

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John Townsend's avatar

--and it smell!

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Mike Sabes's avatar

Never worked, Trump never shares his money by paying his bills.

“Who cares” Melania is Marie Antoinette reincarnated.

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John Townsend's avatar

Has she already lost her head?

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D ODonnell's avatar

She lost her head when she agreed to marry him, John.

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John Townsend's avatar

Sewer-drip economics!

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John Townsend's avatar

Send them the Trump family!

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Karen Scofield's avatar

I like this post, Andy, 🤣 Gobble Gobble 🦃 and will reStack ASAP 💯👍

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Cindy Froggatt's avatar

And, like a Venezuelan fisherman, the turkey was slaughtered. When served to Trump as part of a Thanksgiving Happy Meal, the turkey got its revenge by destroying him from the inside. Food poisoning — a shitty way to go.

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Marmo's avatar

"A shitty way to go" - ha-ha - I hear you, Cindy Froggatt.

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John Townsend's avatar

That gold toilet will get lots of use! Or the toilet paper will run out

in the be-marbled Lincoln bathroom!

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John Townsend's avatar

--or an overlooked beak pecking out from within!

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John Silas "Si" Hopkins, III's avatar

Why are you complaining, Andy? Trump has already pardoned hundreds of turkeys this year.

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John Townsend's avatar

Only if they hatched on January 6th!

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D ODonnell's avatar

Perfect.

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Wis's avatar

The poor turkey is certainly in the same boat as the Venezuelan fishermen. Pun unintended but I’m keeping it.

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flo chapgier's avatar

I so agree. The gull of this creature 🤦‍♀️

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D ODonnell's avatar

“Here come de puns, here come de puns.”

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Janet HB's avatar

Quiet, quiet Turkey!

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CARLA M LA ROSA's avatar

It's a Terrorist Turkey!

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John Townsend's avatar

At least the turkey wasn't bombed by a drone!

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Kathy's avatar

Trump is a fat stringy turkey, needs to be trussed and stuffed, basted and baked and served to Ukraine on a gold platter

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nacreplus2's avatar

He's already served himself up to Putin...Just sayin'

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Judith Richards's avatar

There is probably enough of his fat self to serve both. 🤮🤮🤮

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Ruth Bromer's avatar

Ewe no, who would want to eat him?

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Al Keim's avatar

Donner - table for forty eight.

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Bill's avatar

I used this once at the maitre de's desk for a reservation: Donner, party of 40. Another time: Clark, party of 5

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Al Keim's avatar

Dahmer just sat at the bar?

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John Townsend's avatar

No, his ghost behind bars!

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Diana's avatar

No one watching their cholesterol levels!

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Ruth Bromer's avatar

Haha!

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Jocelyn B's avatar

Ruth, my thought exactly!

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MLK's avatar

Turkey vultures

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Brandt's avatar

🤮

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Annette's avatar

make sure you brine him first!!

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Wis's avatar

Via the water board method? (Tasteless jokes are my thing this morning, it seems…)

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Annette's avatar

lovely idea . . . and go where the thoughts take you, Wis . . . sometimes we're meant to be a little snarky, its a defense mechanism

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John Townsend's avatar

Yes, up and down, up and down......

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John Townsend's avatar

--in holy water!

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Diane J's avatar

The fat content would be bad enough but the rotten meat would be toxic.

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bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

Imagine the stored toxins in that man....or don't, for your own sanity

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John Townsend's avatar

--and our sanity has already slipped to much in the past months....

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Babydoc's avatar

Wow! I’m speechless! This should be my family’s Thanksgiving prayer (before we eat a kosher turkey).

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John DeLaney's avatar

Just trussed and stuffed. Then dropped in a landfill.

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D ODonnell's avatar

Or set on fire.

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The Rickster's avatar

Alrighty, then!

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Gregg Ottinger's avatar

Really more of a pig.

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Tricia Wilson's avatar

Turkey Trump is the Bishop’s nose!

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John Townsend's avatar

Stuffed with all his lies, Vance's wigs, and Johnson's eyeglasses!

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Maria Jette's avatar

NO! Those people have suffered enough!

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Brandt's avatar

Pork not Poultry.

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David Kunhardt's avatar

Pumpkins never pardon turkeys.

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Susan McLean's avatar

Clever!

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John Townsend's avatar

Squash the Pumpkin?

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Stephanie MacLeod's avatar

Got my TBR from Jim this morning, my first laugh of the day. Thanks Andy! The turkeys just thought he was another turkey and a weird one at that, just gave him the bird. So after Thanksgiving, Trump is going to claim that he brokered at least four peace agreements. He will claim that he prevented the carve up of Turkey, the overthrow of Greece, the breakup of China, so we won't all get Hungary. Although the vegetables did come down squash, but he will blame that on the Democrats.

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Jan Fabiyi's avatar

LOVE this!

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Judith Richards's avatar

🤣🤣🤣

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John Townsend's avatar

--who'll want to throw a pumpkin or mince pie with whipped cream right in his face!

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Marcia's avatar

Trump was just jealous of his wattle.

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Bob Graham's avatar

or waddle....

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Mike Sabes's avatar

Notice Trump is growing a huge wattle to compete. Also when the wind blows, Trump’s lack of hair on his head is sparse! Cannot hide his aging.

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

lol

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It's Come To This's avatar

The true spirit of Thanksgiving for Donnie -- where's my cut, so to speak?

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John Townsend's avatar

Oh, yes!

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Sean M Carlin's avatar

If that Turkey had beaten up some Capitol police officers it would have received a pardon and possibly reparations.

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Nancy Morgan LeBar's avatar

True. Beating up Capitol Police Officers seems to be one way to get a pardon. The other way is to kill journalists.

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J Cheng's avatar

or commit tax fraud!! We are literally being told to cheat on our taxes by the Orange blunder......

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

It looks like sex trafficking might work too.

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misia.d's avatar

And a hat

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Richard Wexelblat's avatar

Well, at least someone gave him the bird.

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Nancy "Bee" Bayerle's avatar

Perfect, Richard!

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

50,000 Lions' fans did too. On TV! Hysterical.

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John Townsend's avatar

Insert rim shot here!

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D ODonnell's avatar

Badda bing …

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Barbara Elder's avatar

If only the turkey had a criminal conviction………

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Charles Wagner's avatar

Turkey gets a free pass for peodophilia and accepting bribes.

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JerryBier's avatar

Didn’t anybody warn Trump about Turkeys United and how they are considered corporate entities nowadays?

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Bob Graham's avatar

Sounds like an English football team...

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shee-rah's avatar

Or a trade union. They’re going on strike for better pay and working conditions.

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John Townsend's avatar

They play the Yobbo Yams next week!

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D ODonnell's avatar

Excellent! 🏉🏉

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John Townsend's avatar

If so, Trump will try to sell them crypto along with cheap grain feed!

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JerryBier's avatar

You mean the crypto scam?

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Linda Jones's avatar

Is DJT a "breast man" or a "leg man"???

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Patrick Lillard's avatar

The appropriate designation is he is an ass man. Thank you for the opportunity to serve my country with this clarification.

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Annette's avatar

I believe you forgot a comma, Patrick. "The appropriate designation is he is an ass, man."

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Jerome Vanderberg's avatar

Thank you for reminding us of the importance of commas and how their placement may change meanings. My favorite relates to the bamboo diet of pandas, as in "The panda eats shoots and leaves." This changes to a nasty panda with the addition of commas, as in "The panda eats, shoots, and leaves."

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LV Jan's avatar

Mine is: Let’s eat kids vs. Let’s eat, kids. Punctuation saves lives.

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Al Keim's avatar

I don't get it.

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Michael's avatar

yep - direct address is the term ... something Trump cannot do himself as his speeches meander so much

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Annette's avatar

he's doin' the weave . . . lol

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John Townsend's avatar

---right off the podium, in many aspirational daydreams!

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Al Keim's avatar

Oh like I dig it bigly Annette:-)

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Mike Sabes's avatar

Republican Congress folks kiss that part of Trump.

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Annette's avatar

I hope they sanitize afterwards . . . ewwww

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Wis's avatar

Har!

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Mary Gilbert's avatar

Chef’s kiss

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Janeo's avatar

I heard he's an ass hat.

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John Townsend's avatar

One must always observe and facilitate proper punctuation at all times!

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BTAM Master's avatar

The real qestion: is DJT a man or a blob?

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Michael's avatar

muppet

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Bob Graham's avatar

Beware of the Blob, it creeps, it slides across the ground....

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Robert E.'s avatar

Orange geliten

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D ODonnell's avatar

Not a man. Not at all. Sorry no joke or clever pun but I’m in a straightforward mood.

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John Townsend's avatar

It's devolution.....

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Annette's avatar
21hEdited

I thought he was a "beef" man . . . but maybe he's converted because beef prices were so high (or at least inflated to be high, lookin' at you, Tyson!). Turkey, however, does not go well with ketchup.

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BTAM Master's avatar

Which is why, instead of eating it, you toss it on the wall.

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Annette's avatar

ahhhh, now it all makes sense!

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D ODonnell's avatar

At this house, no Turkey, none at all. Pasta Alfredo, spinach, a few sweet po’s, some broccoli and a tiny bit of pecan pie.

Trying to starve the meat processing titans.

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Jean(Muriel)'s avatar

Well we all know he is not a “ man”!

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shee-rah's avatar

If so, he had better not be seen in the men’s room.

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Mike Sabes's avatar

He is a rear end man totally.

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Bob Graham's avatar

More of a beast man...

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John Townsend's avatar

Now, do we really, really want to know?

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Robert E.'s avatar

Stormy Daniels summerized him as tiny.

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BTAM Master's avatar

In a rare moment of insight, Trump refused to eat turkey for fear of being called a cannibal.

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Nancy "Bee" Bayerle's avatar

BTAM, you win the reply of the day on TBR!! According to me!

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

Yay! Today's trophy

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Lucy K.'s avatar

😂 Love it! But I believe there's more to it than that, I heard this turkey talked --he knows who's in the Epstein files.

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CARLA M LA ROSA's avatar

Epstein reincarnated as a turkey?!?

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John Townsend's avatar

--because that turkey is one being who can read thoroughly in the administration?

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Brenda Reiss's avatar

To save the hams the pigs got together and gave Trump a gold 8 inch turkey peace price for his goldl laden office

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D ODonnell's avatar

And then the head pig barked “Quiet Piggy” at the sweetest girl pig.

Went inside and told his Crooked Cronies, “she’s a real hog.”

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John Townsend's avatar

Center place on that mantle!

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Jim Carmichael's avatar

Thankful for Borowitz. Please follow up on the turkey’s fate!

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John Townsend's avatar

Yes, both of them!

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Patty Bohart's avatar

Haha yes! This sounds exactly like something DJT would say.

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