498 Comments
User's avatar
Andy Borowitz's avatar

Meet the new asshole, same as the old asshole

Wis's avatar

Nothing like taking a teeny tiny, whiny, corrupt angry zealot and replacing him with a big ol' bribe-taking, bombastic, corrupt angry zealot. That'll make it all better.

David A Pitock's avatar

Best people money can buy.

John Townsend's avatar

With that amount of money, couldn't there be better results?

EJN's avatar

In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king….

John Townsend's avatar

Except they are all morally blind, so no king to be had--or even wanted!

Erik Bruun's avatar

Which one has an eye?

EJN's avatar

The one holding the paper bag with 50K…

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Whee doggies, NAILED IT!

Kathy Lee Davis's avatar

that is whee like TINY, and doggies like a DICK- right?

oh I would luv to NAIL IT . . . to a fence

Susan Stone's avatar

If you need help with that, we have a local bird, the loggerhead shrike (a kind of butcherbird) that impales its prey on sharp objects like cactus thorns. Since we're talking tiny here, our shrike would be the perfect helper for you.

SyBen's avatar

Nail him to a very large cactus, maybe a sahuaro.

Susan Stone's avatar

It would probably take a whole flock of the largest birds in the world to be able to accomplish that. But what I love about saguaros is that they can be very, very tall, and it would be scary to be pinned at the top of a tall one. Especially if the thorns were to give way…

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Zoological perfection!

Kathy Roeske's avatar

He not only looks dumb and sounds dumb, he IS dumb.

John Townsend's avatar

Ring around the rosy--all fall down!

Corryn Flahaven's avatar

We'll be fighting in the streets

With our children at our feet

And the morals that they worship will be gone

And the men who spurred us on

Sit in judgement of all wrong

They decide and the shotgun sings the song

Elene Gusch's avatar

"Meet the new boss

Same as the old boss"

This song couldn't possibly be more appropriate!

joannegucci's avatar

Was perfect then & perfect now! Perfection NEVER goes out of style!!💙🌻🦋✌🏽

Rowland Scherman's avatar

Oh. Never heard it. Saw The Who at Woodstock, but I think I slept thru it.

Lady Emsworth's avatar

"Those who remember the sixties weren't there. . ."

Elene Gusch's avatar

I was a little kid with no access to psychedelics during the '60s, so I remember well!

The Rickster's avatar

Brilliant Who kick-ass rocker released as single in 1971, long after you slept through their set.

https://www.setlist.fm/setlist/the-who/1969/max-yasgurs-farm-bethel-ny-bd6b522.html

Clare Doyle's avatar

Yet somehow so many are fooled over and over again!

modj's avatar

Please, don"t fool em 3 times!!!

Michael L Flynn's avatar

They're more like hemorrhoids in that they're a pain in EVERYONE'S ass.

modj's avatar

or sledgehemmeroids

Steve Brown's avatar

I made a sign that says sledgehammer against autocracy.

Cindy Froggatt's avatar

A little bit balder and a little bit worse!

joannegucci's avatar

🤣 Those were the days my friend I’d thought they never end we’d sing and dance forever and a day we’d live the life we choose… in case forgot: Song by Mary Hopkin ‧ 1969

Wendy Tucker's avatar

Anyone with a brain the size of a pea and was old enough to hear this song when it was first played HAD to remember it. Still does. Still MUST.

joannegucci's avatar

I know, i’m an old fuck! (Won’t speak for you, i hate when they include me in, cause they are SO much older than I)🤣🤣

Judy L Chucker's avatar

Bravo!

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

But this new asshole farts $50,000 cash bribes.

BTAM Master's avatar

What an image! I need brain bleach!

John Townsend's avatar

--after he ate them, of course! All that fiber.......

P J Johnston's avatar

Just like the WHO said!

JustNancy's avatar

Brilliant!! Thanks for the out loud laugh!

Cindy La Ferle's avatar

Andy -- here's another tune that I've been singing to my GOP friends lately. Works on a lot of levels : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_50-gOeBilc

Andy Borowitz's avatar

Patty Smyth! John McEnroe's way better half.

joannegucci's avatar

🤣🤣 Those were the days my friend I’d thought they never end we’d sing and dance forever and a day we’d live the life we choose… in case forgot: Song by Mary Hopkin ‧ 1969

Diane Smith's avatar

Great choice...and Roger before his curls :)

Celia Smith's avatar

I don't remember ever seeing The Who so clean cut! Definitely an apropos selection.

Jeff's avatar
1hEdited

Ha, I might also add We're Not Gonna Take It, Slip Kid, and Eminence Front...

P J Johnston's avatar

Bravo have always loved The Who. Planning on getting a CD by Jessie Welles as well!

modj's avatar

Excellent!!!!

Wendy Tucker's avatar

Thanks, Andy. I only knew there was a band called The Who until 15 minutes ago. Now I realize what I've been missing. Thank God for YouTube!

Pradnya Sikand's avatar

😉An embarrassment of riches in the psychos and qualified miscreants department!

John Townsend's avatar

No, just an embarrassment!

Kevin Robbins's avatar

Bovino reminds me of Red Skull, the Marvel villain. Homan reminds me of a Dick Tracy villain.

Michael Bowe's avatar

Lex Luthor without the brains.

Judy Sherwood's avatar

He's just taller, fatter and balder. 50K richer?

OMG, Andy... THANK YOU for the belly laughs this morning. My face hurts - in a GOOD way!

Deb's avatar

Deep bench 🤣🤣🤣 indeed!! Reminds me of an old Steelers Wheel song for some reason… Stuck in the Middle with You. Literally cannot make this up.

Mary Sue Palazzari's avatar

Bovino: Italian for "bovine." It fits. He's a stupid cow.

modj's avatar

Please be kind to cows. Even bovines know how to wield tools to do good in the world.

John Townsend's avatar

In Esperanto, "bovino" means "cow".

ASBermant's avatar

From Google AI Overview:

"Tom Homan is widely recognized as a key proponent, architect, and early advocate of the "zero tolerance" immigration policy that resulted in the separation of thousands of children from their parents at the U.S.-Mexico border during the first Trump administration.

Journalist Caitlin Dickerson, who conducted extensive research into the policy, described Homan as the "intellectual father" of family separation, noting that he proposed the concept years before it was adopted by the Trump administration.

Key details regarding Homan's role include:

Origin of the Idea: Homan first proposed separating migrant families as a deterrent to illegal border crossings during the Obama administration, though that proposal was rejected at the time.

Implementation under Trump: When Homan became acting director of Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) in 2017, he advocated for the policy, and it was officially implemented as part of the "zero tolerance" strategy in 2018.

Defense of the Policy: Homan has openly defended the practice, arguing that separating families was a necessary deterrent to illegal immigration. In a 2018 interview, he defended the action by saying, "A child can't go into U.S. Marshals' custody with the parents being charged with a crime or entering the country illegally."

Wendy Tucker's avatar

Thank you. Very informative. Horrifying.

carol corsaro's avatar

From bizarre to more bizarre…….could make a musical….

modj's avatar

This requires storytelling on an operatic scale.

The Met's answer to former Kennedy artists looking for better gigs?

Steve Brown's avatar

That's probably what Pete Townsend was thinking when he wrote that line, but he was trying to get it on the radio in the UK and North America.

Shannon Kincaid's avatar

I’m sure everyone has seen this by now, but I read a meme this morning that said Benito Bovino (of the 1/3 Reich) with Tom Homan is like sh*tting your pants and changing your shirt.

Barbara (NJ)'s avatar

Or putting the dog outside but leaving the dogshit in the house. Read a suggestion that Minnesotans should throw paper bags of dog shit at him, or maybe just monopoly $$....

Gwendolyn McEwen's avatar

Shannon, you deserve a prize for this!

Shannon Kincaid's avatar

A Nobel Peace prize?🏆🥰

ezriel kornel's avatar

Sure, why not? Just ask Norway to send one your way. Apparently they give them out for free if you just ask for it or whine and demand for it!

Nancy Drew's avatar

This is excellent! I did not realize that Bovino was a short man with short man problems. So that's why they call him little Hitler!

J Cheng's avatar

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

ezriel kornel's avatar

Now this is hilarious!

Wendy Tucker's avatar

Perfect. Thank you. I shall be forwarding this to my great beyond.

Sharon Donnelly's avatar

OMG! That’s hysterical!!😆

Heidi Lindy's avatar

Zippity zound, assholes all around!!

John Townsend's avatar

--and not a brain among them to be found!

Steve Brown's avatar

That's because thet all have rectal cranial inversion. Starting at the top is there anyone in this administration who doesn't have their head up their ass? A few members of Congress probably have their heads up his orangeness' ass!

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

LOVE THAT!!! Chef's kiss!!!

Carol's avatar

All dog-killing assholes (you know who you are!) are encouraged to apply directly to Kristi Noem

Kay-El's avatar

Goat killing ones too.

Lisa Botwinick's avatar

She just likes to kill anyone and anything that's alive! She must have had some childhood! I am a life coach so I see this also as psychology deficient. They all are! Pam Bondi and all of them!

Martha Jax's avatar

A Life coach, you’ve probably heard that water seeks its own level

Anonymous's avatar

Reminding me once again of the observation that there are so many more horses asses than horses around. (Apologies to horses, which are fine creatures)

jb from Weston's avatar

Anonymous, you in turn reminded me of the standard response from those security-clearanced nuclear engineers building a reactor for the Manhattan Project decades ago. A massive construction site could not go unnoticed by citizens, but secrecy had to be maintained. The common question, "What are you building?" was answered with, "The front ends of horses to be shipped to Washington, D.C. for final assembly."

Wendy Tucker's avatar

Great line. Applicable to stuff being built today. Wish I'd heard it before Musk Tesla diner opened up in West Hollywood. Happy to report there are No Lines and an empty parking lot.

Irna Gadd's avatar

👏👏👏👏

LINDA BARTH's avatar

A deep bench indeed. The whole cabinet!

L B Rose's avatar

And I'm sure that all of the J6 mobsters who have been pardoned but are not ashamed can join in the fun too!

Lynn Hammonds's avatar

They're already on the job, ICE goons, which is why the masks so facial recognition technology cannot tag them Again. I think I saw a post that Proud Boys leader definitely is high up in ICE; bloodthirsty disgruntled vengeful goons.

River Rogue's avatar

Homan acts like a boxer who’s taken too many to the head.

Craig Becker's avatar

And too may payoffs….

R.M. McNaught's avatar

Thanks for keeping us laughing in these grim times!

T L Mills's avatar

Yeah, Doug Collins, the Secretary of Veteran Affairs, he's a real prize asshole. He issued the most tepid statement of sorrow--for the tragic murder of one of HIS OWN employees, mind you--that I have ever had the (non) privilege to hear. It was pathetic--He might just as well have said NOTHING. In fact, it probably would have been better for Collins to have said nothing.

Amy Smart's avatar

I came here to say this too. Thank you, Andy. 🙏🏻

Gwendolyn McEwen's avatar

Andy, this may go down as one of your top ten items ever. Brilliant.

Susie's avatar

I concur! 👏🏻🤣👏🏻🤣👏🏻

Roxane McLean's avatar

Altho scary, I love your reference to a deep bench. Now if we could just get rid of the starters.

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Oh hell, just WIPE the whole team, oh please oh please.

SummerGink's avatar

Too bad they couldn’t take a trip together on one of those special DHS/ICE planes. While they’re airborne, someone call in an air traffic control strike…

John Townsend's avatar

Don't forget to say "pretty please"

Mark Freckleton's avatar

I subscribe to the Borowitz Report so that I know, although I live in a red state, that I do not stand alone in the world of rationality.

Andy Borowitz's avatar

I’m glad you are here!

Jane Russell's avatar

What must it be like to have all these candidates in the same room? Terrifying!

Judy Sherwood's avatar

spooky, scary stuff to even think about... argh!

John Townsend's avatar

--and enough spooky, scary stuff as it is from the White House!

LYNN COOK's avatar

The Sweet Smell of Methane.???

Rowland Scherman's avatar

What about those pesky Epstein files?

joannegucci's avatar

Thats where all the evidence from Minneapolis is! Those BASTARDS!

AVee. (Alexia)'s avatar

Yes

So true

But

At least

The monsters in this regime flinched

Lorenzo's avatar

A criminal presidency, full of freaks and misfits, starting at the top.

Lynn Hammonds's avatar

Put in place by those with rotten agendas, designed to keep us in mental turmoil. Chaos divides a populace, makes them long for 'law and order.'

Terri Smith's avatar

Bovino’s fascist overcoat couldn’t protect his itty-bitty asshole from getting the boot.