256 Comments
User's avatar
Andy Borowitz's avatar

Thoughts/prayers

Pradnya Sikand's avatar

😂😂Andy, Absolutely brilliant! Thoughts and prayers for whom exactly? The toady or the toadied upon ? Also I think Trump needs multiple toadyectomies ! 😂😂 I’d love to see the pathology report! Spineless parasite? Wriggling worm? One of your very best , Andy ! 😉💕

John Townsend's avatar

All of the above on that multipage pathology sheet!

It's Come To This's avatar

For whom, the polyp or the host?

Janeo's avatar

And while removing polyps, the surgeon exclaimed, "OMG!!! The patient's head is up there too!!"

Sandra Nicht's avatar

and humane euthanasia

Sandra Nicht's avatar

or INHUMANE euthanasia, you know like his bestie went out...

geez, our fantasies are so dark when that orange cancer is involved.

J Cheng's avatar

yes but this is a safe space!

Janeo's avatar

The safe space and the kind, funny people who inhabit it are all that keep my feet attached to earth. Andy brings out the best in all of us.💖

jb from Weston's avatar

Andy, I saw the Path report. It said that the usual "random biopsies taken during surgery showed widespread invasive grade IV Vancer. Further workup recommended to confirm Stage".

We need to explore additional treatment options.

Li's avatar

Vancer, I love it.

J Cheng's avatar

yes, for us! Metamucilini is a bigger ass than previously determined if he can fit that many toadies up there.

John Townsend's avatar

--/wishes not so well!

Michael L Flynn's avatar

"A team of surgeons performed the seven-hour operation to remove the invasive parasite in a procedure known as a toadyectomy." A team of surgeons?!? I would have thought it would have taken only one Proctologist to do the job.

Annette's avatar

it was a tag team effort, because no doctor could perform more than 2 minutes at a time.

Mike A's avatar

"Toadyectomy" - a medical procedure, where an ass-kissing yes-man is surgically removed from a narcissists asshole.

Bradford W.'s avatar

OMG - I'll never be able to eat Toad in the Hole again.

Andrea Squires's avatar

That was my thought too! LOL

Annette's avatar

<snort laugh>

Lorenzo's avatar

Lindsay Lick Ass.

Mike A's avatar

LLA - that must be the procedure code

The Rickster's avatar

Wonder what is the procedure code for toadyectomy in case TBR subscribers need pre authorization from Medicare.

As for “toad in the hole,” years ago got my wife to call it something more palatable—eggs in a basket.

Abby From Maine's avatar

That's where I went with it! Quite a mental picture over coffee!

Mike A's avatar

LOL...sorry, this is what happens when I get up earlier than usual 😄

Abby From Maine's avatar

Ha! Way better than it could have been, considering it's Miss Lindsey!

Li's avatar

Mike, submit your term and Def to Urban Dictionary.

Mike A's avatar

It would have to be a joint submission from Andy Borowitz and me 🙃

John Townsend's avatar

Easy, maybe, because it is so wide?

Feverdreama's avatar

Lindsey Graham

is a human hemorrhoid

John Townsend's avatar

Not enough Preparation H in the world.......

Carla Spackler's avatar

Now I know what butt hurt really means.

Annette's avatar

<standing ovation>

Al Gorythm's avatar

If they’re gonna stick their heads so far up Trump’s ass, at least check for polyps.

Irna Gadd's avatar

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

John Townsend's avatar

They'll only hear echoes!

Unsafely Anonymous's avatar

Did you forget the farts?

John Townsend's avatar

--which would be giant, rushing winds? Yes, I did!

Unsafely Anonymous's avatar

“And suddenly there came a sound from heaven as of a rushing mighty wind, and it filled all the house where they were sitting.”

Acts 2:2 (King James Version)

Not heaven in this case ...

Annette's avatar

Helloooooo . . . helloooooo

Unsafely Anonymous's avatar

Wet Bronx Cheer (a.k.a. Raspberry)

Shannon Kincaid's avatar

Graham went from calling 🌮 a ‘race-baiting xenophobic religious bigot' to acting like none of us remember what he said in 2015. 🙄

John Townsend's avatar

Lindsay has the Orange Kool-Aid in a continual IV drip!

Mary F Englebert's avatar

He knows Trump can't/doesn't remember so he feels pretty secure as long as he keeps up the toad routine.

Lynn Hammonds's avatar

Plus Lindsey was nearly apoplectic after Jan 6 but crickets now on that TRump incited attempted coup.

Michael in Chicago's avatar

I'm amazed! Andy has created a new genre of education - horror satire!

Sarah McAuliffe-Bellin's avatar

Will the said Lindsey be able to survive on its own now? My hope is it will shrivel up and disappear into an alligator infested swamp.

Irna Gadd's avatar

Toadyectomy! HILARIOUS. <huge laughter>. That’s the best new word. Trump could move into Walter Reed Hospital for WEEKS to have all the toadies removed. I wonder what would be left of the Harangutan if all of the sycophants were gone. (Toadyectomy is so much easier to spell than sychophantectomy, imho).

Louise Somes's avatar

Toadyectomy is the best new word! Haha!! So true!

It's Come To This's avatar

So that would explain the giant sucking sound then. Mystery solved.

Harvey Perry's avatar

Something is very seriously wrong with these people.

Irna Gadd's avatar

Understatement of the decade!

John Townsend's avatar

Of this or any century!

Irna Gadd's avatar

I thought that after I posted my comment. You are correct!

It's Come To This's avatar

The operation was a bit easier for Senator Pittypat, who was too plastered to feel most of it.

Hugh Abramson's avatar

Them proctologists is good!

Vicki Bacal's avatar

After the surgery, the weakened toady was heard to croak, "Can we still play golf together? I promise to let you win!"

John Townsend's avatar

But the tumor is as big as a golf ball......

Stephen Wunderlich's avatar

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Weezie P's avatar

What a perfect way to describe their relationship!

Marmo's avatar

Another great one to start the day. Thank you, AB!

They found the problem when Dump complained about being constipated - he is supposed to have poop coming out of both ends, but it was only coming out of his mouth. That's when they found Miss Flimsy and removed him. But, Dump was still stopped up, so they checked further and found Mike Johnson hiding there.

I understand that the procedures are being done during Dump's meeting naps.

John Townsend's avatar

No anesthesiology needed then?

Marmo's avatar

Correct, John Townsend.

That is because the only thing that Dump is capable of feeling is grievance.

To date, nothing has been found that is able to diminish that complaint in this patient.