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User's avatar
Andy Borowitz's avatar

And now this:

MONTECITO, CA—Suddenly resuming contact with his father after a lengthy estrangement, on Thursday Prince Harry asked King Charles if he could have Andrew Mountbatten Windsor’s room.

“Megan and I are packed and ready to move in,” he told the King. “Just say the word.”

“It looks like I’m not the black sheep of the family anymore,” he added. “Oh well—I had a good run.”

Speaking to reporters at his home in California, Harry called Andrew’s room “one of the sweetest in Buckingham Palace” and “the perfect place to shoot our next Netflix series.”

DR Darke's avatar

"MONTECITO, CA—Suddenly resuming contact with his father after a lengthy estrangement, on Thursday Prince Harry asked King Charles if he could have Andrew Mountbatten Windsor’s room."

😂 I would love it, but I really think that the Royal Family, especially Crown Princess Kate, is too racist to accept a Black Princess....

Cathy Wampler's avatar

I like Harry and Meghan. Good for them saying FU to royalty.

Beth Davis's avatar

Oh, Andy, you always make my day!

Mary Roeser's avatar

I wouldn't put it past them. Chutzpah seems to be their main characteristic.

D ODonnell's avatar

Sorry, but I like them. Very much.

John Townsend's avatar

More chutzpah in the monarchy? Much needed!

Marlene Lerner-Bigley (CA)'s avatar

HA! Andy, are you a fly on the wall there?

John Townsend's avatar

--while Meghan clubbed him with a rolling pin used for her cooking show!

Michael Richmond's avatar

No one is below the law, and Trump fancies himself to be the law. Well, no one is below Trump -- that is certain.

BTAM Master's avatar

I think Stormy may have been.

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

But does it count if the wee widdle mushroom patch is ineffective?

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Well, his of course. Isn't that how, when testifying in court for E. Jean Carroll, Stormy described Wumpy's widdle thangs? Little mushrooms.

Stephen Wadsworth's avatar

She shared that I believe live with Jimmy Kimmel.

Wis's avatar
6hEdited

Har!! I think Stormy was probably on her knees more than anything.

But Satan shares the most hated entity title with trump.

Satan was pissed at first that trump was competitive and won the gold for most evil dark overlord, but once he saw how effective trump was at shelling out pain and misery on earth, he let it slide.

When questioned by his cohorts burning beside him as to why he was showing mercy, “He’ll be down here in hell sooner rather than later, anyway. May as well let the kid have some fun up there til then,” he answered philosophically.

Elizabeth Block's avatar

I recently found my copy of Philip Roth's "Our Gang," about President Trick E. Dixon. In the last chapter, he is in hell, challenging Satan for the position of Devil, running on his record on earth.

Wis's avatar

I suspect once trump joins them, they’ll both be out of a job.

Another scenario: Trump’ll “land” (or however one arrives in hell), he’ll spot Nixon and Satan and he’ll get that weird pursed lip expression with the vicious eyebrows highlighting the bizarre white circles around his beady, paranoid eyes, and his eyes will narrow and he’ll yell, “YOU’RE FIRED!!” a la ‘the apprentice’. They’d realize they’re both beat. So trump will have the job he was made for.

Though that sounds like a happy ending for trump…

D ODonnell's avatar

So clever, Wis. A great, fun read.

John Townsend's avatar

If there's democracy in Hell, why can't we maintain one here on Earth....?

Wis's avatar

Interesting point. I highly doubt hell has a democratic government, but I hope I never find out 😉 (har). But actually, I think we were maintaining a democracy-not always or even mostly well, of course - but it was a Constitutional Republic until trump burst in like the goo from a popped zit.

J.'s avatar

Well, for Trump a democracy WOULD be hell.

D ODonnell's avatar

Oh icky metaphor but so perfect!

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

< thunderous applause!!! >

Well writ,Wis!

Wis's avatar

I did my best to channel my inner Borowitz…

🙃

Judith Richards's avatar

But not for long 🤣🤣🤣

John Townsend's avatar

No, she rode him until the hotel mattress collapsed!

D ODonnell's avatar

!! Slam dunk, BTAM

Kathy Lee Davis's avatar

well . . with everyone kissing his butt there's no room behind him.

John Townsend's avatar

--or they will be squished flat!

BTAM Master's avatar

We need to make sure some of Trump's charges are state level so he can't pardon himself.

Merrill's avatar

It's past time Democratic Governor's across America put their National Guard troops on notice that they may be called up in November to protect citizens voting rights from encroachment by the Federal Government via ICE or other forms of Federal police.

The Second Amendment clearly gives each State the authority to use its "armed militia" to protect its citizens from tyranny.

Let the Trump administration know we will do this if pushed.

D ODonnell's avatar

Hoping the Good Dem Govs are already discussing & planning that.

Judith Lechner's avatar

Love this idea to use second amendment to foil Trump.

Barbara Clary's avatar

They need a lot more arms if they have to face that militaristic group

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Yes indeedy, and make those bear arms -- as in "the right to" -- and not bare arms. To any ICE-cold fed military types, vicious MAGAts, Proud Boys and their fugly ilk, we say this: FUCK OFF -- FUCK ALL THE WAY OFF. Cuz baby, we don't just ROAR like bears -- you won't want to tangle with us enraged bears protecting and standing up for our rights!

I've learned that the floofie part of my moniker comes from the slang for grizzly bear: cutely enough, they're called dangerfloofs. Not so cute when encountered, however. And as a Californian whose state flag has the Calif grizzly bear on it, I say, like Gov Gav, don't you dare poke the bear cuz we poke back!!!

A few years back, I'd dreamt up a clothing product that I'd consider apropos for these unbearable times: a sweatshirt with shaggy fake fur sleeves. Written across the chest: THE RIGHT TO BEAR ARMS. Eh? Eh? I think it could work.

John Townsend's avatar

--with hidden pockets on the inside of the "bear arms" to quickly pull out

the ninja weapons......

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Ah! Very pragmatic! Secret pockets can be added to the design...

Liz Bayer's avatar

I predict a Trump pardon coming for the Prince

Jerr's avatar

Would not surprise me one bit, if the orange king wana be would try it, and tell the Brits since he is King of the world they have to obey him.

DR Darke's avatar

""I predict a Trump pardon coming for the Prince

"Would not surprise me one bit, if the orange king wana be would try it, and tell the Brits since he is King of the world they have to obey him."

Because the UK isn't ALREADY on the tipping point of telling Trump to go shit in his hat and call it "Beef Wellington"!

Liz Bayer's avatar

Did you have to go with Beef Wellington? Now, it will be hard for me to continue my Christmas dinner tradition of having this as my main course. Small sacrifice though. The Brits aren't the only ones who are at that point. Pharmaceutical industry is about to discontinue bowing to him. The Trump Rx is a complete farce!

DR Darke's avatar

::Did you have to go with Beef Wellington? ::

Sorry, I was looking for a British dish and that was the first that popped into my head. I also said Trump's hat, rather than his diaper—talk about missing low-hanging fruit!

"Power-load his diaper and call it 'Bangers and Mash'!"?

"Crap his pants and call it 'Beans on Toast'?"

"Shit the bed and call it 'Weetabix'!?"

::Pharmaceutical industry is about to discontinue bowing to him. The Trump Rx is a complete farce!::

I'm more worried about the money needed to do research and offer necessary medicines free or at cost, like COVID vaccines, thanks to our nutjob antivaxxer HHS Director....

Liz Bayer's avatar

Totally valid reason to be concerned

J.'s avatar

Then there is the Toad in the Hole. Or Spotted Dick. True dishes.

D ODonnell's avatar

Did you forget Fish ‘n Chips?

D ODonnell's avatar

Have always loved the Brit food names. Almost choked on my Beans and Toast years ago in a classic London pub when they were served room temp on soggy bread. 🇬🇧🇬🇧

Jerr's avatar

I've never had Beef Wellington, and don't think I ever will...now. lol.

DR Darke's avatar

I understand it's very good, but very hard to make right—a lot of online cooking channels keep trying to make "Gordon Ramsay's Beef Welllington", because apparently it's his specialty dish.

I guess that means you have to make it with a lot of swearing and humiliating anybody who works under you.... 🙄

Susan Stone's avatar

The problem I have with Beef Wellington is that it has a layer of pate under the crust. For me that taste is little better than I would imagine trump's shit to be.

D ODonnell's avatar

HaHa!

It’s actually delicious, especially as served in Simpson’s in London.

John Townsend's avatar

--or "Yorkshire Pudding"!

J Cheng's avatar

Of course! It doesn't matter that Andrew is not a US citizen - he gets a pardon under the brotherhood rule.

Mark Lip's avatar

Since when has that mattered when our government decides to administer "justice". For example just ask Manuel Noriega.

JaneJ's avatar

"Trump said it had made him 'rethink the whole idea of becoming king.'”--That was my favorite part.

Harvey Perry's avatar

He acts like he thinks that he already is!

Sharon Herrick's avatar

Love, love, love all of this. Such good news and such good fun being made of it. Truly made this Thursday morning a delight. Plus, there will possibly be Epstein-related investigations in France, Poland, Latvia, Lithuania? Tell me again where Melania is from? And today Mark Zuckerberg is having to answer questions about his social media company and it's effects on kids. My cup runneth over.

Paul Ehrenzeller's avatar

Don’t forget, Norway, not a shithole country, BTW, was one of the first to act. Thorbjørn Jagland, the former Prime Minister of Norway who chaired the Norwegian Nobel Committee from 2009 to 2015, has been charged with "aggravated corruption.” No wonder the 🍊💩 has given up on peace!

Christina  A.'s avatar

Melania is from Slovenia. - Sorry, my reply was meant for Sharon Herrick.

Sharon Herrick's avatar

Thanks, Christina.

Sharon Herrick's avatar

Good to know. Thanks.

D ODonnell's avatar

Love watching Zuck the Phfuckk trying not to squirm under oath.

Dangerous, smarmy, powerful little shithead that he is.

Christina  A.'s avatar

Melania is from Slovenia.

Heather Bott's avatar

So good.

Erik Bruun's avatar

For a moment, I thought it was real news!

Tom Toro's avatar

First they came for the pedophiles...

MLK's avatar

Unfortunately, it's only last they came for the pedoohiles.

Dee Simons's avatar

The last sentence is the best and, sadly, the scariest.

bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

"You're better off having your own Supreme Court."

Your move, Chief "Justice " John Sellout Roberts.

Harvey Perry's avatar

He went to law school so he could learn how to make up law out of the thin air. He got an "A".

Jim Dygert's avatar

Reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where the punchline was “You’re on the list”..odd that the “John Roberts”who was on the flight logs to Epstein’s island was never investigated by any mainstream news agency…hmmm

Melissa Rivelo's avatar

“… having your own Supreme Court.” Just brilliant

Joe McHugh's avatar

With his Crown versus Supreme Court line, Andy has achieved “peak satire” by which humor fully fuses fantasy and reality.

P J Johnston's avatar

My how the mighty can fall. But we have to realize former Prince Andrew was called "Randy Andy" back in the day and that is why in some sense of the words it isn't all that surprising. The fact that England is saying "no one is above the law" is addressing and the USA should do the same sometime in the future!

Steve Benko's avatar

"I'll just have to impose 10,000 percent tariffs on them until they pardon him," continued the president. "Or better yet, I'll just seize England and pardon him myself. After all, that sent Columbus to rule over us in 1492, so fair is fair."

Diana's avatar

Okay, so they "sent Columbus to rule over us" but the last straw was when he took over the airports.

John LeBaron's avatar

“Better off having your own Supreme Court” ... AND Senate AND House of Representatives AND Cabinet, not to mention an entire legacy political party answerable only to the naked emperor.

Marmo's avatar

Bravo, John LeBaron.

Dwight Edman's avatar

Your Magasty, you are under arrest!

Mary-Jean Miner's avatar

Magasty!! Brilliant! Says it all.