Possibly a thinker might then figure out how to get the merry gang of enablers to take the orange one with them to Mars. Those never to be seen again because the book that gave the thinker the brilliant idea had a sequel that would have enabled the thinker to figure out how to actually stop them from ever returning. 200 years later an expedition might wonder about a ringing smart phone held in the hand of a skeleton with yellow hair and an orange hue to the facial bones …
learn a language by reading subtitles (if that's what they are called....) i.e. watch a movie in Spanish and through reading the English you learn Spanish really quickly! Helped me a lot in Uruguay - :-)
Andy, you hit the snail on the head (oh, if only...). trump feels more secure on a slippery slope than he ever could in a library. He flops about quite happily.
I seem to remember hearing something about him not being able to read and this could also be true about writing since we've never seen him write anything more than his squiggly signature which he is so fascinated with that he scribbles it all day long when not in his golf cart...
New reporting reveals that the EO on reducing fentanyl coming across the borders will be combined with the EO on foreign non-English films so American children do not get hooked on drugs or phonics.
Also, the pots of gold at the end of Reading Rainbow will be confiscated by the "Dogers".
The lawyer was talking about "circumstantial evidence". I don't watch police or lawyer TV and wasn't sure what it was. When it was explained I responded that if a trusted source would confirm my thoughts, I'd go along. But not if it was Fox News. I was dismissed.
There were many lovely people in my pool, but not in Marin. In San Diego. Hope you experience the joy of being (still) in a state that follows the rule of law.
Given that the moron running the education department has just cut ALL funding for adult education programs, this is probably not far from the truth. Because they don't want no brown people learning English--they might be able to pass for Ammurrikans after all!
Since I often have the same reaction, I take your point. The two birds I mentioned are rather spectacularly not intelligent, but even they are far superior.
Back in the good old days of the Fairness Doctrine (I'm old!), if you gave an editorial on broadcast TV, you had to offer free airtime to opposing viewpoints. I worked at a small market station; the general manager liked to air his non-controversial opinions at the end of the local news. One time he talked about what a good idea literacy volunteers were, followed by the required statement: “This has been the opinion of {GM name}; opposing viewpoints are welcome.” After airing this segment, we said to each other “Opposing opinion? Who the Hell would oppose literacy volunteers?” Now we know.
I’m remembering the gentleman during the 2016 election who carried a copy of the constitution in his pocket - I believe he was an immigrant and was reminding trump that he should read it himself….
It was a good thing. Reagan got rid of it, right? Along with a lot of highly-relevant-to-media antitrust legislation?
The trouble has been that Fox News took off, and it did not even pretend to be fair and objective. It was Orwellian from its inception. Rightwing propaganda/state media from the beginning. Simultaneously, ‘real’ journalists — the kind that triangulate sources and fact check their work assiduously and attribute — obv didn’t go to work for Fox.
Instead, these real journalists, the ones with integrity, who are driven to ferret out the truth, who went into the business to tell the truth, and who definitely did not become journalists to make the big bucks — that has persisted through Trump,
The real journalist continued with the fairness doctrine. Either because it was a habit they couldn’t break? Or because it was so ingrained in them? And it was integral to the truth to tell both sides of a story? Idk. But it’s partly responsible for Trump’s ascendency, because real journalist have tended to draw a false equivalency where there simply is not one.
So Trump was as good a candidate as Hillary, when in fact, he was a liar & a crook. God, it took the NYT literally years too finally agree to use the word liar to describe him!
And Kamala and Trump were the same, despite his having been convicted of 34 felony accounts, and also found guilty of what the judge called rape.
And it’s all because of the fairness doctrine. Which was a really good thing. As was antitrust legislation. So that the news didn’t end up in the hands of a few white male billionaires. Deciding what is news and what is not is power. And if you’re shameless, as are the people at Fox, and consider winning by cheating winning, you thrived in that environment! So did misinformation and disinformation.
The Trumpers are going after medical and scientific journals for not including opposing views. Maybe they want to see creationism defended in a scientific journal, or RFK published in a medical one.
Once again I was eating my breakfast chewing on a pice of toast. I log into your column and see the header and almost choke on the piece of toast. I need to stop having anything in my mouth when I open your column. At least it wasn't coffee.
"Brunch" is such a silly, lovely word, isn't it? The difficulty is that TBRs come at any time hour, depending on Andy's schedule and when things happen. For that reason, I stuff or starve on his cuckoo schedule.
“The Apprentice,” is the film that surely set off Donnie Small Hands recent tirade on ‘foreign’ films. Showing him raping his wife on the living room carpet was an excerpt from Ivana’s biography. She’s now a tax-deduction buried on his golf course.
She was cremated, I understand, but the coffin supposedly weighed a ton. It’s either documents or gold doubloons and pieces of eight. Since Trump loves cyber currency, I’m going with documents.
Andy, you make me laugh every single day. And for future protests, I’m making signs with your headlines. My first is gonna be “TRUMP THREATENS TO DEPORT CHICKENS BECAUSE THEY REFUSE TO LOWER THE PRICE OF EGGS” adorned with big chicken stickers and the link to your website. In Warren, Ohio, everybody’s gonna know your name.
My next sign after that will be “TRUMP SAYS ERIC IS BIDEN’S FAULT.” Authoritarians hate to be laughed at, so I can accomplish that, make my fellow protestors smile, and spread your gift of humor all over the Rust Belt!
Several years back some of my right leaning relatives (whom I can no longer talk to) blamed everything on Clinton. The rent went up: Clinton’s fault! A flat tire: Clinton’s fault! Now it’s all Biden’s fault. Sheesh….
Remember, t rump said he like the uneducated. Seems like there are many, many, many voters who are but remembered what the name looked like. We all know how dangerous reading can be!
Here we part company, Annette. Sleepy, Doc and Dopey are way far ahead of the three dirty things you name. In fact, you might want to wash your mouth and keyboard with soap.
And it might encourage them to find a library afterward and ask to see the restricted section.
Exactly! It’s a slippery slope.
And then this will lead to thinking !
We can’t have that!! Thinking??? What is the world coming to????
Next EO: NO THINKING, a national security concern.
Possibly a thinker might then figure out how to get the merry gang of enablers to take the orange one with them to Mars. Those never to be seen again because the book that gave the thinker the brilliant idea had a sequel that would have enabled the thinker to figure out how to actually stop them from ever returning. 200 years later an expedition might wonder about a ringing smart phone held in the hand of a skeleton with yellow hair and an orange hue to the facial bones …
😱
It’s like my friend said in the 1970s:
I don’t read my movies!
lol
learn a language by reading subtitles (if that's what they are called....) i.e. watch a movie in Spanish and through reading the English you learn Spanish really quickly! Helped me a lot in Uruguay - :-)
Oh no!! Horrors!
Andy, you hit the snail on the head (oh, if only...). trump feels more secure on a slippery slope than he ever could in a library. He flops about quite happily.
it could also encourage them to learn a 2d language
Oops, I just said the same thing!! Great minds and all that...
Oops again. No thinking allowed! I'm sure another Executive Order is coming.
Doesn’t include word salad.
Perhaps a language spoken by non-white people!
Oh no, never that.
I don't think Trump reads much.
I seem to remember hearing something about him not being able to read and this could also be true about writing since we've never seen him write anything more than his squiggly signature which he is so fascinated with that he scribbles it all day long when not in his golf cart...
Or the top-secret banned-book room in the back.
Or learn a new language! Yikes!!
Judith, with the group you speak of, the new language would be English.
Heh heh …
😆
As if we’ll still have books.
New reporting reveals that the EO on reducing fentanyl coming across the borders will be combined with the EO on foreign non-English films so American children do not get hooked on drugs or phonics.
Also, the pots of gold at the end of Reading Rainbow will be confiscated by the "Dogers".
Is there a 12 step program for those hooked on phonics?
BTAM Master -- There's a 23-Step and a 26-step program. The former, which is favored by McMahon, eliminates D, E and I.
You win the Internet for the day!
I agree,!
<standing ovation>
This started my day off right!
Leaving soon for the jury pool, soon to be yet another defunct and eliminated form of entertainment.
I have Jury Duty tomorrow. Might see you there if you are in Marin!
The lawyer was talking about "circumstantial evidence". I don't watch police or lawyer TV and wasn't sure what it was. When it was explained I responded that if a trusted source would confirm my thoughts, I'd go along. But not if it was Fox News. I was dismissed.
There were many lovely people in my pool, but not in Marin. In San Diego. Hope you experience the joy of being (still) in a state that follows the rule of law.
I love Marin, and California! I don't watch TV (except for Bosch) but read a lot of mysteries. Circumstantial, but true! :-)
Given that the moron running the education department has just cut ALL funding for adult education programs, this is probably not far from the truth. Because they don't want no brown people learning English--they might be able to pass for Ammurrikans after all!
Good of you, Alan, to point out the 23-26 discrepancy here...since we all know Andy Borowitz is a man of letters.
That is really good!!
My crazy dad, RIP, used to speak in phonics. It was a riot. He was a professional proofreader for TIME INC.
😂
lol 😺
Yes! believing in MAGA!
🤣🤣
Alan,
Re: "Dogers"...
Brooklyn or L.A.?
Mars 👽
🤣
lol 😺
Wasn't tRump a Draft Doger?
Oh Mike. It’s like being a Marine: Once a draft-dodger, ALWAYS a draft-dodger
Daddy was so much smarter than Donald, set up for Donald to dodge the draft as not to embarrass Daddy with the Army learning of Donalds incompetence.
OK Guys...Mike got the trophy today. lol
Artfully.
More like "Boogers"....
Starbase! Or Mar-A-Lago!
Venice, Italy.
Good one …
Good one Alan!!
Alan never disappoints, does he Claudia ?
Trump is remaking and starring in “The Birdbrain of Alcatraz.”
Is that why he learned to Tweet?
Another good one!
🤣🤣🤣 My knee-slapper of the late morning -- thanks!
That’s an insult to birds, whose brains are so much better than Trump’s.
Well, yes, except for ostriches and pink pigeons… Those two seem to be on a par with trump. And without cheating.
No animal comparisons, please. They are far superior.
Since I often have the same reaction, I take your point. The two birds I mentioned are rather spectacularly not intelligent, but even they are far superior.
No offense intended, Susan. Far too many primordial swamp blobs haven't made it to the first branch of the evolutionary tree. 😉
None taken. You called me out for doing what I don't like seeing others do. That's a good thing.
💯
It's part of Trump's "doo-doo process"!
Also the dodo. Our species is about to join theirs.
When did we switch topics to drumpf's cabinet...???
And that could lead to reading The Borowitz Report. Heaven forbid!
Putting Andy on the FBI's 10 Most Wanted
Andy's picture, then, to grace every post office in the land!
What’s a Post Office?
😂🤣
Back in the good old days of the Fairness Doctrine (I'm old!), if you gave an editorial on broadcast TV, you had to offer free airtime to opposing viewpoints. I worked at a small market station; the general manager liked to air his non-controversial opinions at the end of the local news. One time he talked about what a good idea literacy volunteers were, followed by the required statement: “This has been the opinion of {GM name}; opposing viewpoints are welcome.” After airing this segment, we said to each other “Opposing opinion? Who the Hell would oppose literacy volunteers?” Now we know.
a long ago portent of things to come . . . who needs to know how to read the Constitution, I have attorneys to do that for me
I’m remembering the gentleman during the 2016 election who carried a copy of the constitution in his pocket - I believe he was an immigrant and was reminding trump that he should read it himself….
Yes, it was Kzir Khan, from Pakistan, whose son died in combat. He was a gold star father.
Yes thanks for reminding me!! He knew more about the Constitution than trump and his entire cabinet!
And if you're Trump you don't listen to them in any csse
It was a good thing. Reagan got rid of it, right? Along with a lot of highly-relevant-to-media antitrust legislation?
The trouble has been that Fox News took off, and it did not even pretend to be fair and objective. It was Orwellian from its inception. Rightwing propaganda/state media from the beginning. Simultaneously, ‘real’ journalists — the kind that triangulate sources and fact check their work assiduously and attribute — obv didn’t go to work for Fox.
Instead, these real journalists, the ones with integrity, who are driven to ferret out the truth, who went into the business to tell the truth, and who definitely did not become journalists to make the big bucks — that has persisted through Trump,
Continuing!
The real journalist continued with the fairness doctrine. Either because it was a habit they couldn’t break? Or because it was so ingrained in them? And it was integral to the truth to tell both sides of a story? Idk. But it’s partly responsible for Trump’s ascendency, because real journalist have tended to draw a false equivalency where there simply is not one.
So Trump was as good a candidate as Hillary, when in fact, he was a liar & a crook. God, it took the NYT literally years too finally agree to use the word liar to describe him!
And Kamala and Trump were the same, despite his having been convicted of 34 felony accounts, and also found guilty of what the judge called rape.
And it’s all because of the fairness doctrine. Which was a really good thing. As was antitrust legislation. So that the news didn’t end up in the hands of a few white male billionaires. Deciding what is news and what is not is power. And if you’re shameless, as are the people at Fox, and consider winning by cheating winning, you thrived in that environment! So did misinformation and disinformation.
You’re on a roll. Great mini-thread. Tragic but true.
Spot on, Tammy.
The Trumpers are going after medical and scientific journals for not including opposing views. Maybe they want to see creationism defended in a scientific journal, or RFK published in a medical one.
Both are not bloody likely!
Once again I was eating my breakfast chewing on a pice of toast. I log into your column and see the header and almost choke on the piece of toast. I need to stop having anything in my mouth when I open your column. At least it wasn't coffee.
I agree, Rosemary, especially since coffee will be more expensive very soon (if it isn't already)
(Wiping coffee off of his tablet)
I, too, choke up while reading Andy's reports during breakfast. Lol
Lucy, I haven't eaten breakfast in several months -- not since subscribing to TBR. I'm wasting away here.
Oh goodness, then you must brunch! Lol
"Brunch" is such a silly, lovely word, isn't it? The difficulty is that TBRs come at any time hour, depending on Andy's schedule and when things happen. For that reason, I stuff or starve on his cuckoo schedule.
<hehehe>
I did the same thing while sipping my morning tea and it splattered all over! See what you do to us Andy??
i hope the toast was part of a substantial breakfast
Try oatmeal.
“The Apprentice,” is the film that surely set off Donnie Small Hands recent tirade on ‘foreign’ films. Showing him raping his wife on the living room carpet was an excerpt from Ivana’s biography. She’s now a tax-deduction buried on his golf course.
Her coffin is full of top secret documents and the FBI never checked it
I wonder if you are right?
She was cremated, I understand, but the coffin supposedly weighed a ton. It’s either documents or gold doubloons and pieces of eight. Since Trump loves cyber currency, I’m going with documents.
I'm old..but just had a revisionist historical thought....
Maybe Nixon should have " cremated " the tapes...???
Robert -- What a keen observation!!!!
Reading, writing, thinking. All threats to his hegemony over the MAGA unwashed.
People and their opposing viewpoints disturb the sleep of dictators
Except their brains -- those have been extra-thoroughly washed on a repeat cycle.
Not to mention many spin cycles!
Leaving them quite well-spun.
Andy, you make me laugh every single day. And for future protests, I’m making signs with your headlines. My first is gonna be “TRUMP THREATENS TO DEPORT CHICKENS BECAUSE THEY REFUSE TO LOWER THE PRICE OF EGGS” adorned with big chicken stickers and the link to your website. In Warren, Ohio, everybody’s gonna know your name.
My next sign after that will be “TRUMP SAYS ERIC IS BIDEN’S FAULT.” Authoritarians hate to be laughed at, so I can accomplish that, make my fellow protestors smile, and spread your gift of humor all over the Rust Belt!
Which of course is Biden's fault too
Several years back some of my right leaning relatives (whom I can no longer talk to) blamed everything on Clinton. The rent went up: Clinton’s fault! A flat tire: Clinton’s fault! Now it’s all Biden’s fault. Sheesh….
I imagine the future heat death of the Universe will be Biden's fault as well. Ditto the dandelions in my backyard
Isn't Donny also Biden's fault?
Trump says he'll slap tariffs on Melania because he gave her more than she gave him.
Good one 😂🤣
Blech.
10 points.
Remember, t rump said he like the uneducated. Seems like there are many, many, many voters who are but remembered what the name looked like. We all know how dangerous reading can be!
The Republicans have been trying to dumb us down for decades. We're such bothers when we're educated
DRUMPH LONG FOT DUMPSTER
Subtitles, books, The Constitution: three foreign objects in the Trump world.
don't forget the intangibles: Empathy, generosity, understanding, selflessness
And Sleepy, Doc, and Dopey
that would be Rubio, RFK Jr. and Patel
Don't forget Bondi, Loomer, and Miller
that would be a blonde, a brunette and a baby Hitler
Here we part company, Annette. Sleepy, Doc and Dopey are way far ahead of the three dirty things you name. In fact, you might want to wash your mouth and keyboard with soap.
xoxo
Heard, L.R. I'll try not to make that mistake again, after I disinfect my keyboard.
You're on to something, Annette.
Does that mean big tariffs on them, BTAM Master?
TFOs! Not long until they're UFOs &/or FFOs:
Unidentifiable Foreign Objects or Forgotten Foreign Objects
And soon to be unavailable in our world as well.. we are future ghosts walking in cities soon to be in ruins. Trump is pushing the world toward war.
“You worried I would cut off your hand, but look! I’ve only taken three fingers. WHY AREN’T YOU THANKING ME?”
Too perfect, Clym... *aargh*
Clym, Clym, Clym.
This seems too close to the truth to be satire!!!
In Britain, young folks to the cinema go;
In Ireland, they’re off to a ‘fillum’.
The morality taught in a good photo play
Shows a hero defeating a villain.
American teens are protected from scenes
Which show cigarette smoking or banging,
Although violent flicks often get a free pass
Showing gunplay, castration, and hanging.
I’m now long in the tooth, but in my callow youth
“F-Bomb” usage was seldom depicted.
Lest our tender young ears hear that
F.U.C.K.
And that movie was “R” for “Restricted”.
Donald Trump’s blighted boyhood, so arid and cold
Focused on White Supremicist breeding.
There was time and to spare for the care of his hair,
But no emphasis given to reading.
Thus we may see a freeze on films made overseas
That rely on non-English recitals.
Why would any American ever waste time
On a flick that requires subtitles?
Good god! If justice exists, there will some day be a semester course in GE Perry Poetry at Harvard. Kudos is due!
When I sit, with my weary mind grown vegetative,
I consider Tom Hardy’s “Return of the Native”.
Then my visage grows flushed -
We Scots suffer rosacea -
As I contemplate romance twixt Clym and Eustacia.
Then my wandering mind thinks of riverine moss
And the plot of George Eliot’s “Mill On the Floss”.
I was ever unfocused and quite fancy free;
I hate prickamice claiming it’s ADHD.
‘Prickamice’. Mahvelous! You tempt me to re-read John Barth. Or Robertson Davies. Hat tip. With deep bow. Lol
Didn’t realize you were Scots. That explains a lot. I’ve been to Aberdeen and Ayr. And John O’Groats. But never Dundee. Go figure.
What talent!! I am envious.
OK. Pulling out the stops:
You’ll have heard of fair Juliet,
Tragic Ophelia,
But my favorite Shakespearean dame is named Celia.
And I forewith declare, in defiance of myth,
I shall have as my goddess,
Henceforth and herewith,
That charming Substacker yclept
Celia Smith.
I love you, Glen Ebo Perry
Doesn't he make your heart yodel?
Yodelodelayeehooooo!
Too late! Most Americans are already post-literate and get their news from podcasts and Joe Rogan...
And our spell checks and short attention span are getting us to all sound alike.
Fortunately not all of us are that way.
Darn tootin'!