188 Comments
User's avatar
Clym Yeobright's avatar

Give him a jet-ski and let him clear mines

Anathema Addams's avatar

I had to do a double take - I thought this said "clear mimes". I mean, lots of people are irked by mimes, but this seems a bit extreme....

Clym Yeobright's avatar

Geez, Annie, now you have me thinking of those glass x-ray boxes at the airport and Marcel Marceau inside one as the TSA attempts to clear him for his flight

Jonathan Aborn's avatar

But, but…there are no TSA workers. Marcel be stuck in mime hell, destined to slap those imaginary walls until freed by Antifa after the revolution.

Lucy K.'s avatar

A lot of funny subscribers here! 😄 Thanks for the extra laughs besides Andy's.

Bad Ass Boomer's avatar

OMG that’s great. My husband and I are still laughing.

Gay Kimberly's avatar

Send Hegseth with him so the clearing of canal would be Epic!

Linda Mitchell, KCMO's avatar

The alimentary canal?

Kandy Brown's avatar

Trump said He was given a list of names to give to the war and that's the one he picked. It's no wonder that he picked "Epic Fury" since that's what he's feeling about his popularity now!

Michael Williamson's avatar

I like "Epstein Fury" so much better

Annette's avatar

<appreciative applause>

Wis's avatar

Or “Epstein Worry”, since that’s what made trump start this fiasco war in the first place.

Steve Newman's avatar

Fury-Failure what’s the difference ?

Beryl's avatar

But so make sure that his makeup is done before launching and warn him before snapping the pic that would document his assistance.

Annette's avatar

and document his existence

Anathema Addams's avatar

Quote: "“I will put my name, Donald J. Trump, on the Strait of Hormuz,” he declared. “That emptied out the Kennedy Center very rapidly and very powerfully.”"

Future historians discover the origin of the usage of "trump" as a synonym for "colonoscopy prep".

(I will now go hang my head in shame for that comment.)

Andy Borowitz's avatar

I’m here for this joke.

Pradnya Sikand's avatar

We’ve missed you ! 😉💕

Paul Snyderman's avatar

So, consistent with putting the Trump moniker first, it's now the Strait of Trumpooze

Clym Yeobright's avatar

The Donald J Trump and Ozymandias Strait

Octavia Redwood's avatar

Conquistadoro, .."I see your armor-plated vest which has long since lost its sheen.."

Clym Yeobright's avatar

Oh my, Octavia, that is exquisite! Thank you

Stephanie McCullough's avatar

Yikes. Save us all from the sight (site?) of his rusty scabbard.

Pradnya Sikand's avatar

Great literary reference Clym! 😉I wish I had thought of that! 😂” Look on my works ye Mighty, and despair!

BTAM Master's avatar

Bravo!!!!

I can just imagine the advertising jingle:

🎵 If you can't take a dump, Get some help from Trump...🎵

Anathema Addams's avatar

OMG I can totally hear this jingle.

Devoted's avatar

🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂

Annette's avatar

Anathema ~ lift your head high and be proud of the definition of tRump. It's the closest to the truth so far!

Devoted's avatar

So true Annette‼️

Devoted's avatar

Awesome joke, Anathema‼️🏆👏👏

Lorenzo's avatar

Another good laugh. It helps keep me sane, when the lunatics are in charge of the asylum.

Joanne Elizabeth Schulze's avatar

A room with rubber walls awaits them all.

Shannon Kincaid's avatar

Stephen Miller—a man who somehow turned cruelty into a personality and vacancy into a worldview. That permanent sneer, that dead-eyed delivery, that contempt. He is exactly as you said, Andy...a human repellent. I can't wait to see him in the Hague.

Jay F's avatar

HILARIOUS.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER.

Wis's avatar

😅😅👏

Al Gorythm's avatar

Operation Dignified Transfer

Clym Yeobright's avatar

There is an old meme about the mine detector in an under-sophisticated army: a fellow with his fingers in his ears taking slow long deliberate steps through the danger area. Stephen could do that.

nks's avatar

Let him be roller-skating through the danger area.

Steve Newman's avatar

Nice, Like skating on the thin ice on a warm sunny afternoon.

Annette's avatar

put him on a paddle board and let him drop the mines from there.

Diana's avatar

I'd pay to see that.

Annette's avatar

<well played>

Sherie Knight's avatar

So, we’re calling it the Strait of HorTrump now, right? I support that nomenclature

J Cheng's avatar

this one seems more appropriate since it also describes Melanoma

Sharon P's avatar

my EXACT thought !!!

Stephen Wunderlich's avatar

I don’t often say this about the Moron, but smart move here.

Andy Borowitz's avatar

Stopped clock.

Teresa's avatar

Good one! He can finally be useful 👍

Golden Rule's avatar

Would that it be true because that would be best!

David Nolta's avatar

Well not to put too fine a point on it, but it cleared me out just seeing that picture of him again this morning. Thank you!

Lorenzo's avatar

In this case he looks like what he is - a ghoul.

Terri's avatar

That is also just too funny. Thanks for the second laugh.

Pradnya Sikand's avatar

Andy, You’ve brilliantly solved this knotty problem that’s snarling the world ! 😂Donald J. Trump and his magical Sharpie and the vampire Miller who makes people wish they did not share a planet with him! May I suggest Hegseth who looks angry enough and thirsty enough to swallow the Strait of Hormuz in one big gulp ! Thanks for the laughter! 😂💕

L B Rose's avatar

Make sure the photographers are with Petey. When they get photos of him with a bad hair day, he will go fight the world.

Al Keim's avatar

With a vodka chaser.

Cindy Waldron's avatar

‘Make it so’

howard levitt's avatar

And Trump sends Little Marco to Cuba to open Florsheim shoe store.

Terri's avatar

Thank you so much for giving me three good laughs this week. I’m also reading Profiles in Ignorance. It explains a lot. And the last line today is over the top brilliant!

Andy Borowitz's avatar

Thank you! And I’m so glad you’re reading the book. My theory has aged pretty well, alas.

Terri's avatar

I ordered your book through my local English Book Store, called, appropriately "Le Bookshop" here in Montpellier, France.

Rosemary Ehle's avatar

It's really good, isn't it? Dan Quayle!! I just ordered it as a hostess gift for a pal who is new to The Borowitz Report