153 Comments
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Erik Bruun's avatar

Unfortunately, the joke on China's contempt for Trump is on us.

The moment we re-electedTrump, we as a nation took responsibility for Trump on the world stage. We, as a nation, are the embarrassment.

Al Keim's avatar

Beyond the shame we collectively share the actual destruction of our way of life is the legacy we leave behind. From the Gipper to the Gaper it took the Groper to finish US off.

Octavia Redwood's avatar

Please-I am very discouraged, angry, and disappointed. Despite the daily insults to our national culture and character, I MUST believe that someday, somehow, reason will prevail. The Constitution stands. To consider the alternative-where Trump destroys the planet-along with the thousands of totally innocent people who have already been killed-I simply cannot accept.

Al Keim's avatar

Me too Octavia. Hope springs eternal but we have to look at reality. The republicans have been on a fifty year revenge tour against the USA of decency and fairness. We can't expect them to stop before they have finished the job.

The constitution is words on paper interpreted by men and women of ill will. That the instrument of our demise be an adjudicated fraud and sexual deviant is fitting and just.

Stay tuned, 'It ain't over till we say it's over', Bluto Blutarsky.

Phil M.'s avatar

I understand what you're saying. But remember, it was the moment THEY re-elected Trump. Yes, WE are still stuck with the responsibility and embarassment.

Erik Bruun's avatar

I'm a big believer in the importance of pronouns and appreciate your point.

Dividing ourselves into subsets is part of our underlying problem. Our loss of national unity used to be a source of strength. We fought a civil war to retain it. More than once, I've wondered why the North didn't just let the southern states go!

Nonetheless, we have to think in terms of we, us and our if we are going to be successful as a nation, as aggravating as that can be.

Susan Barnes's avatar

Great point!

Wis's avatar

We are, Erik! The Founding Fathers must be spinning so hard in their graves, they’re drilling themselves out of their coffins.

Pradnya Sikand's avatar

Andy, Are you reporting from Shanghai?😉 Our Confederacy of Dunces pitted against a Confederacy of the world’s most Dangerous and Powerful Dictators! I think Xi ended their meeting by saying “ Donald my friend, you have no cards right now! But console yourself with your gold Bible! 😂💕

L B Rose's avatar

King Con is watching how Xi can put on these fancy, in-your-face displays of power over his people and knows that US must do the same for their "Dear Presidential Leader". Not sure that he can understand anything other than the show. I didn't watch Con's arrival. Could he walk in a straight line?

Phil M.'s avatar

"King Con" 😅🤣 Love it!

Janeo's avatar

No high ranking Chinese official was there to meet Blimpo and there were no Chinese army soldiers rolling out the red carpet ala Putin in Alaska. What's " middle finger salute" in Mandarin?

jon Hodson's avatar

had trouble coming down the stairs

Linda Mitchell, KCMO's avatar

Loved the rim-shot last sentence.

DebbieM (OH)'s avatar

Idiot, moron, dolt, dunce, puppet. Lord, it's our fault this orange scourge is upon us, but please take him as soon as possible. We've (most of us) have learned our lesson.

P.S. And please instill some brain matter into those who still trust in the scum.

Thank you.

Amen.

John LeBaron's avatar

And POTUS-pal Putin helps Iran target American military assets and personnel for destruction and death, yet the noxious axis of friendship endures.

Wis's avatar

Omigosh, this is too funny! And it’s true - America has generated a LOT of jobs in China!

J Cheng's avatar

This administration has provided far too many neologisms and it seems there is no end in sight. Here are today's contributions:

Oblitard: A portmanteau of "oblivious" and "retard" or "idiot," directly covering someone who is too stupid to be aware of their surroundings.

Dunderpate: An older term meaning a scatterbrained, stupid, or oblivious person.

Obtuse Ignoramus: Someone who is slow to understand (obtuse) and uneducated or clueless (ignoramus)

Wis's avatar

So, where do the trump bibles get dunked in gold?

I fully support outsourcing the bibles’ manufacture to China though, I must say. Even though a few psalms are written in Mandarin, all the bibles contain the historically factual quote from Jesus Christ Himself, blessing the USA. No other bible does this.

Trump’s version proves trump has God’s endorsement.

I expect that Divine endorsement to be the main political message the right wing puts out there before midterms.

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Janeo's avatar

It's all they got!

Abby From Maine's avatar

Jesus! (again)

Katherine James's avatar

Oh...My...God...

Al Gorythm's avatar

Donald’s favorite part of the Trump Bible is the Old Testicle, which tells the story of the Immaculate Deception.

Enid's avatar

Al, you hit it out of the park again! Hilarious….

Sandra Nicht's avatar

this is perfect...

Abby From Maine's avatar

I see what you did there! ;-)

J Cheng's avatar

ok this got the snort, chuckle and LOL.

SCS - Michigan's avatar

🙃

Erik Staub's avatar

brilliant

JeannieLaKT's avatar

Hahahaha: “…printed the lyrics to ‘God Bless the USA’ right, because those are Jesus’s most important words.”

Kathy's avatar

God bless you for this headline. Such are worth the price of the subscription all by themselves. The news is so bad it's such a relief to have a tiny bit of humor.

Andy Borowitz's avatar

Thank you, Kathy!

JBR's avatar

Djt thy name is fraud

Joanie's avatar

Perfect. Thanks for the laugh. I wonder if they're printed upside down?

Susan Stone's avatar

Isn't Mandarin read from right to left? Or is it bottom to top? I think it's the latter.

Sarah McAuliffe-Bellin's avatar

Hoping Metamucilini has a come to Jesus moment soon. If not, maybe Xi will keep his “friend” if we all ask very nicely.

Wis's avatar

Trump had his come to Jesus moment when he first slapped his own name on the Bible. But it turns out, Jesus wasn’t the one who was interested in him 😈

Sarah McAuliffe-Bellin's avatar

True and he had all those frauds praying over him. St. Peter ain’t going to be welcoming him at the pearly gates. Side note in our PA primary there’s a perennial candidate challenging Rep Summer Lee. One of the questions asked of candidates was what or who endorsed them. This guy said “I’ve been endorsed by God”. Good grief. Of course was unwilling to confirm that endorsement c

Wis's avatar

I’m from Philly! Hi! That sounds very republican. So many of them seem blind to their own arrogance and audacity - it’s staggering; that people believe anyone saying stuff like that is downright insane.

Sarah McAuliffe-Bellin's avatar

I think he’s just nuts but then again, we have trump who’s definitely gone around that bend!

Wis's avatar

The whole world trumpstein has created is nuts. And the proverbial bend is way far back in trump’s rear view mirror.

Susan McIntosh's avatar

Maybe we can get them to keep Musk too.

Larry Williams's avatar

Xi is worried about the MAGA hat factory. "Orders are way down!" Xi noted.

Shannon Kincaid's avatar

At this point the only thing actually made in America is outrage.

J Cheng's avatar

bravo!

Linda's avatar

OMG. We are seen everywhere as fools.

Al Keim's avatar

Seen?

Ninah's avatar

Clips of his groveling are all over the internet.

Al Keim's avatar

'Seen', as opposed to Known.

Mary Gilbert's avatar

Thanks, Andy, as humor is the only remedy for this day to day s$&t show.

Franca Garofalo's avatar

It’s probably true that he has created more jobs in China just with his tacky merch alone.

Jim Dygert's avatar

Unfortunately The Orange Turd didn’t recognize the word Bible was spelled Bibble

The Rickster's avatar

Bubelah

Joan Hartley's avatar

Thank you for making it possible to face each day, Andy.

John  (NJ-VT)'s avatar

“Trump cancelled plans to visit the factory that manufactures gold Trump Mobile phones after learning that it did not exist.”

UGH! They appear to be shipping. I hope they are a piece of shit or only open to hearing in on an open RF channel with Pete.

Steve Benko's avatar

Building on his since-scuttled idea for a joint pirate fleet with Iran to extort tolls from ships passing through the Strait of Hormuz, the president then proposed that in exchange for a 10 percent discount at wholesale from his Bible supplier, the U.S. and China form a task force to invade Taiwan and divvy up its microchip factories. Negotiations broke down, however, over whether the island would become a Chinese province or America's 51st state. Stephen Miller has reportedly been called in on an emergency basis to resuscitate the talks with the fresh idea that the island would become a concentration camp for dissidents and opposition leaders of both countries, governed by an agreement similar to that of the U.S.-Russian space station and administered by Kristi Noem who is looking for a job. She responded to the offer by saying "They would also need to place our stray dogs there."

Cindy La Ferle's avatar

Andy, I don't know how you think of these hilarious posts -- every day! Another good one today :-)