Trump’s Birthday Parade Canceled After He Fails to Produce Birth Certificate
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump’s plan to hold a military parade on his birthday imploded on Thursday when he was unable to produce an authentic birth certificate.
Though White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt downplayed the missing document as an “administrative error,” the Joint Chiefs of Staff disagreed, stating, “Without a birth certificate, we have no evidence of when or where President Trump was born.”
Trump reportedly begged his wife, Melania, to swear under oath that he was born on June 14, but she refused, telling him, “You never remember my birthday.”
The birth certificate controversy drew strong reactions across the political spectrum, including from former President Barack Obama, who exclaimed, “I knew it!”
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Hell doesn’t issue birth certificates.
My hopes dashed seconds after remembering this is satire…