Unconscious Mitch McConnell Scores Higher Approval Rating Than Conscious Version
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In an unprecedented political comeback, the entirely unconscious Mitch McConnell has garnered a vastly higher approval rating than the conscious version, a new poll revealed on Monday.
According to the poll, a whopping 78 percent of voters “strongly agreed” with the statement, “The USA would be in much better shape today if Mitch McConnell had been unconscious for the entire four decades of his congressional career.”
Voters pointed to progress on guns, the environment, and a host of other issues that could have been achieved if only McConnell had not been sentient.
Capitalizing on his newfound popularity, McConnell’s office issued the following statement: “The senator continues to be motionless and unresponsive, and the pile of legislative work near his hospital bed has gone completely untouched.”
If only Mitch had been unconscious during Trump’s impeachment.
The Wicked Mitch is dead!