399 Comments
Mar 19Liked by Andy Borowitz

So glad that you are resuming the Borowitz Report. I have missed it.

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author

I can't wait to get started!

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Mar 27Liked by Andy Borowitz

The Trump Bible reveals previously unknown truths about Our Lord: Jesus was a billionaire with significant real estate holdings in Jerusalem and Nazareth, plus a golf resort on the Sea of Galilee; He enjoyed sexually assaulting women and mocking lepers; and He was crucified by left-wing ancestors of Joe Biden.

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Yup!😡

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Me too

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Mar 19Liked by Andy Borowitz

my annual payment is not for the newsletter, just to help pay for Cookie's treats

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author

He has expensive tastes.

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Mar 19Liked by Andy Borowitz

If you hve a Tractor Supply store in your area their Retriever brand liver treats are the best.

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😹🐶😹

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Cookie is our mascot!!

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With Andy Borowitz and Heather Cox Richardson to guide me, I think I might make it.

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author

I am in awe of Heather!

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Heather is amazing!

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And Robert Hubbell!

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Add Lucian Truscott IV to your list and you’re all set!

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Welcome back! You've been very much missed.

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Bring on the fanfare…Borowitz is back! Alleluia! My life is now complete. I may be able to weather the coming months, before i have to take up residence in my sister’s garden shed in Ireland.

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Is the shed a Tardis we can all fit in?

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Afraid it’s not a Tardis. But we can move some of her grandchildren’s playthings about, and make it livable! She’ll probably take pity on us and throw us some scraps.

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Is there room for me in that shed?

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We’ll just move a rake or 2 out of the way. We can take turns sleeping on the push lawnmower.

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Ok, but I don’t do windows.

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No issue. It hasn’t any windows!

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Me neither. I’m strictly an Apple devotee.

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😂

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I'll love Ireland! Sign me up! Hopefully their news isn't all Trump, all the time. If it is, I may have to pass on a newspaper there.

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The Report is sorely needed right now!

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Borowitz - Always my first choice for edification and absurdity... or absurd edification... or something like that. Anyway, he's really funny and always gets to the heart of the matter through humor.

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This made my day! So glad you are back. you might add that $50 a year is much cheaper than The New Yorker sub!

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author

Thank you, George!

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The $50 annual fee is cheaper than psychotherapy. Deep sigh.

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And it's cheaper than the 2 1.75 liter bottles of vodka we drink watching the news!

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Indeed it is…and with every renewal, they send a tote. My children and neighbors have all been given one.

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I too have a number of those totes and use them all the time.

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Seems like every renewal goes up by a lot, too.

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I've missed your wit. You and late night comics help me survive today's political environment!

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Bring on the humor

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This makes me almost ready to face the next 8 months. SO great to have you back. Does Cookie do autograph signings ?

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Give Cookie a cookie!

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I really only subscribed to The New Yorker to read your stuff. Welcome back, you've been sorely missed!

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author

Thanks, Celeste!

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Same here. Oh, and the cartoons. I still think my captions are funnier than the "winners:".

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Of course they are!😏

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Welcome back. We’ve missed you.

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Thank you! I sure have missed you. Welcome back!

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author

I've missed my readers! And it will be so much easier to interact with you now that I'm on this platform.

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It’s about time!!! We need you!

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