448 Comments
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Ron Glick's avatar

So glad that you are resuming the Borowitz Report. I have missed it.

Andy Borowitz's avatar

I can't wait to get started!

Ron Brawer's avatar

The Trump Bible reveals previously unknown truths about Our Lord: Jesus was a billionaire with significant real estate holdings in Jerusalem and Nazareth, plus a golf resort on the Sea of Galilee; He enjoyed sexually assaulting women and mocking lepers; and He was crucified by left-wing ancestors of Joe Biden.

Joseph T. Babcock's avatar

Me too

Kenneth Jacobs's avatar

my annual payment is not for the newsletter, just to help pay for Cookie's treats

Andy Borowitz's avatar

He has expensive tastes.

Al Fulton's avatar

If you hve a Tractor Supply store in your area their Retriever brand liver treats are the best.

William C Langham's avatar

With Andy Borowitz and Heather Cox Richardson to guide me, I think I might make it.

Andy Borowitz's avatar

I am in awe of Heather!

Tammy's avatar

Heather is amazing!

Christina Johnson's avatar

Add Lucian Truscott IV to your list and you’re all set!

Linda A's avatar

And Robert Hubbell!

John Kenney's avatar

Welcome back! You've been very much missed.

Christina Johnson's avatar

Bring on the fanfare…Borowitz is back! Alleluia! My life is now complete. I may be able to weather the coming months, before i have to take up residence in my sister’s garden shed in Ireland.

Catherine's avatar

Is the shed a Tardis we can all fit in?

Christina Johnson's avatar

Afraid it’s not a Tardis. But we can move some of her grandchildren’s playthings about, and make it livable! She’ll probably take pity on us and throw us some scraps.

Gretchen Hess's avatar

Is there room for me in that shed?

Christina Johnson's avatar

We’ll just move a rake or 2 out of the way. We can take turns sleeping on the push lawnmower.

Catherine Dowhan's avatar

Ok, but I don’t do windows.

Christina Johnson's avatar

No issue. It hasn’t any windows!

Audrey Liebross's avatar

Me neither. I’m strictly an Apple devotee.

Penny Benner's avatar

I'll love Ireland! Sign me up! Hopefully their news isn't all Trump, all the time. If it is, I may have to pass on a newspaper there.

Maureen Janeway's avatar

The Report is sorely needed right now!

Jon Friedman's avatar

Borowitz - Always my first choice for edification and absurdity... or absurd edification... or something like that. Anyway, he's really funny and always gets to the heart of the matter through humor.

George's avatar

This made my day! So glad you are back. you might add that $50 a year is much cheaper than The New Yorker sub!

Andy Borowitz's avatar

Thank you, George!

Howard I's avatar

The $50 annual fee is cheaper than psychotherapy. Deep sigh.

John's avatar

And it's cheaper than the 2 1.75 liter bottles of vodka we drink watching the news!

Christina Johnson's avatar

Indeed it is…and with every renewal, they send a tote. My children and neighbors have all been given one.

George's avatar

I too have a number of those totes and use them all the time.

Michael's avatar

Seems like every renewal goes up by a lot, too.

Annie Tobey's avatar

I've missed your wit. You and late night comics help me survive today's political environment!

Zoltan Turi's avatar

This makes me almost ready to face the next 8 months. SO great to have you back. Does Cookie do autograph signings ?

Celeste Hardway's avatar

I really only subscribed to The New Yorker to read your stuff. Welcome back, you've been sorely missed!

Stan Davis's avatar

Same here. Oh, and the cartoons. I still think my captions are funnier than the "winners:".

David Worters's avatar

Welcome back. We’ve missed you.

Anita Busquets's avatar

Thank you! I sure have missed you. Welcome back!

Andy Borowitz's avatar

I've missed my readers! And it will be so much easier to interact with you now that I'm on this platform.

Abbie McMillen's avatar

It’s about time!!! We need you!