353 Comments
User's avatar
Andy Borowitz's avatar

All hail our friend E. Jean Carroll, an American hero!

Karyn Milos's avatar

She'd make a far better President than the current purveyor of green slime.

Wendy Gerrish's avatar

Immeasurably better

M Q's avatar

100s of millions of Americans would.

bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

We love you, E. Jean❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️👏👏👏👏❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️👏👏👏👏

Donna_H's avatar

Absolutely, we do!!!!

Pradnya Sikand's avatar

E. Jean , You are a true inspiration! All power to you! I admire your courage, dignity and your humor ! Love both you and the one and only Andy Borowitz! 😍Onwards !

Psst! If you bought the Strait of Hormuz, it would really tick him off! 😂💕

Pradnya Sikand's avatar

Hailing E. Jean ! She’s indomitable! She could buy the Straits of Hormuz! 😂Save the sharks 🦈 especially those swimming off the Florida coast! Thanks Andy ! 💕

Frau Katze's avatar

Trump thinks the Straights of Hormuz are an anti-gay group!

- joke spotted elsewhere

Lynn  Bentson's avatar

One thing that strikes me is that no one in the comments thinks she will use the money for a bigger home or yacht(s) . I also believe she or her estate will use it for a good cause .

Susan McLean's avatar

Buy back the Supreme Court.

Andy Borowitz's avatar

The 6 Republicans can't be very expensive. How much does one yacht cruise cost?

Robert E.'s avatar

Virus, ala carte.

M Q's avatar

Probably need a tiny bit more:

I see your yacht cruise and raise you a luxury yacht cruise...

JBR's avatar

Thryreccheap. They'll take soup at ebbit grill in dc.

bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

True, just offer Clarence a deluxe double wide motor home and he's yours!

ABuckley's avatar
3hEdited

Just out those 6 for the racists they are. Roberts is such a kitty-kat (I wanted to use the other word, but...) he'd cave and give normal opinions after that. That Alito, his white hood is starched, has razor sharp edges; and a true fixature in his life so he'd warp speed ahead into racist rhetoric and opinions. I do believe he has tired of hiding behind social norms and is ready to rid himself of that black robe and don that white pointy-hooded outfit that he has worshipped for years.

M Q's avatar

Thomas thinks that he is white.

Brenda Reiss's avatar

Thomas wishes he was white

He kmows he's not so he gets him a white woman and hangs around with the racist rich men. Giving them the decisions they want

ABuckley's avatar
2hEdited

I don’t think “Stephen” thinks much. He just does what massa wants and in his case, that’s whoever is willing to bankroll him and that most interesting partner in self-hatred of his, jennie T.

Jan's avatar

A definite pattern of denial here; Miller is Jewish and despises Jews. Thomas is black and despises blacks. Who’s next? Patel?

bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

Roberts is a weasel.

Ellen Worthington's avatar

I like the idea but I don't think 5 million will be enough.

Lynn  Bentson's avatar

But there should 83.3 million more coming . AT the very least f she chose to pay Clarence Thomas to out his J6 buddies , it wouod cost his emotional support billionaire more to keep CT on side .

Dan's avatar

Would 100 million (counting interest) be enough?

Susan McLean's avatar

For that much, she could buy the entire Congress and have plenty left over to sue Fox News out of existence.

Dr. Richard's avatar

That’s far more than the actual value of the pissant con man”s REAL net worth!

Anonymous's avatar

Donations to Planned Parenthood Parenthood, ACLU and legal defense groups that represent immigrants

Timothy Cooper's avatar

I think E. Jean Carroll should use part of the money to back Democratic candidates in upcoming elections, that would definitely annoy Trump. His brain might explode

- Karen Cooper

Jeff Bell's avatar

Pretty hard to have a noticeable explosion if there is only a single cell involved.

Timothy Cooper's avatar

Hah, good point, Jeff! Would be effective, nevertheless ...

- Karen

Leslie's avatar

Ones that will ensure BOTH the House and Senate flip so impeachments will come including SCOTUS members, Metatmucellini and God of War for starters

JaneJ's avatar

Along those lines, https://linguafranca.nyc/collections/lf-x-ask-e-jean: Each sweater will send 20% of proceeds to the Ask E. Jean film impact campaign, which partners with democracy advocates, survivors of sexual assault, and other champions to inspire resistance to bullying and authoritarianism with wit and courage and to bring the film to communities across the country.

Timothy Cooper's avatar

Oh, that's really great!

- Karen

Kandy Brown's avatar

I like money spent well!

CINDY TURNER's avatar

Gawd, Andy, every time I think you can’t top yourself you top yourself ! Thanks for doing so.

Kim G's avatar

I was thinking exactly this!!! It's why I pay to support him. His Substack subscription is cheaper than a therapist, and immeasurably better!!!!

ABuckley's avatar
3hEdited

G.O.A.T, anyone?

TBR is going to get me through the trump regime mentally because I know that nearly every day, I will find something to laugh hard about despite being pissed to no end. Blessings to you AB.

ian mclaren's avatar

EJC could establish a defence fund for Epstein survivors, that would make the Orange One fume and maybe squirt some ketchup

Enid's avatar

Brilliant idea!!

Nadine Zdanovich's avatar

That would be perfect!

It's Come To This's avatar

She should buy Mar-Lardo and have a public bling-burning session on live TV onJuly 4. Fireworks we’d all like to see.

Susan Iwanisziw's avatar

Hahaha. Hostile takeover!

Susan Troy's avatar

That's a good one.

Nancy Portilla's avatar

ICE detectors.

Richard Sidney's avatar

Take out a full page ad in the Times that says "Trump Lost" in big letters and "his case against me" in much smaller letters. It's the complete truth, so it's neither libel nor defamatory, and will hit him where it hurts the most

Enid's avatar

Fantastic idea!! Anything to make the bastard squirm.

Kandy Brown's avatar

Oh, he's already squirming from the fallout from the reflection pool and his "oh,so popular" State fair!!!!!

becky estill's avatar

She should call for the execution of the bergdorf goodman 5 fingers.

Jerome Vanderberg's avatar

The only problem I see is that Trump would likely sue the Times and possibly cost it a good deal of money in defending itself.

JBR's avatar

Not expensive. Lawyer just laughs when trumpcroaks.

Ramona Jeffery's avatar

Protecting the victims of the Epstein files. Freeing them to speak the truth.

Stephen Brady's avatar

I saw Joyce Vance and Katie Phang this morning and they seem to think that this is how E. Jean’s defamation case is going to turn out since this suit is predicated on the sexual assault case. Donnie is no doubt flinging catsup bottles just about now! I want so much for him and Ivana to be reunited!

Oaktown's avatar

Hope you're right—bigly, but I wouldn't be surprised if they reduce the amount awarded by the jury, even though he's still defaming her, proving it wasn't ENOUGH to stop him.

Philip Martin's avatar

She could bribe an unnamed foreign country to accept PeeWee German as a “refugee”.

David Gardiner's avatar

I think McMurdo base on Antarctica still has space in their tool shed.

Lee Zacha's avatar

I heard that daddy Fred was tossed out of Germany early on for being a nazi. Can anyone confirm?

Dan Starr's avatar

Not quite. Despite Dementia Donny's multiple claims that his dad was born in Germany, Fred was in fact born in the Bronx. He was conceived in Bavaria, but his daddy Friedrich was booted out of the country for dodging the draft (establishing a family tradition) while his wife Elizabeth was pregnant with Fred.

Couldn't find anything about Fred being tossed for being a Nazi, but did find that he was arrested at a KKK rally in 1927. He avoided military service, made lots of money building housing for defense workers during WWII, and was investigated by the Senate for "profiteering" in 1954.

Kandy Brown's avatar

I like good research. Nice job, Dan!!!!!

Cathy Wampler's avatar

I see that donald is a chip off the old block.

Debi's avatar
3hEdited

His grandfather - Frederick Trump (born Friedrich Trump, German: March 14, 1869 – May 30, 1918) was a German and American businessman. He was the patriarch of the Trump family and the paternal grandfather of Donald Trump, the 45th and 47th president of the United States.

Born and raised in Kallstadt, in what was then the Kingdom of Bavaria, Trump immigrated to the United States in 1885. In 1891, he began speculating in real estate in Seattle. During the Klondike Gold Rush, he moved to Yukon, Canada and made his fortune by operating a restaurant and a brothel for miners in Whitehorse.

In 1901, Trump returned to Kallstadt and married fellow Bavarian Elisabeth Christ. As he had failed to complete mandatory military service and notify the authorities of his departure in 1885, the Bavarian government stripped him of his citizenship in 1905 and ordered him to leave. Consequently, he returned to the United States with his family.

Philip Martin's avatar

It would appear that draft dodging is a family trait.

Debi's avatar

Yupp - no military service in their gene pool

Oaktown's avatar

As is whore mongering.

Tim Savage's avatar

Just think if Bavaria had allowed him to complete his military service? Must be more to it. They really didn't want him around. Like we feel today about the orange idiot.

Barbara Ergas's avatar

I thought their name was Drumph.

Kandy Brown's avatar

Oh.....lucky us!!!!

Susan Troy's avatar

I think you are right, or maybe it was the grandfather. Anyway, some Trump got booted out of Germany.

Lee Zacha's avatar

Definitely the Obama center, as well as a move to change 5th avenue NY to Obama Blvd.

Bill Bailey's avatar

That’s only the first judgment. What about the $83 million from the second case‽

Andy Borowitz's avatar

A lower appeals court is going to rule on that. If they find in E. Jean's favor, he will no doubt appeal to the Supreme Court. Based on this decision I don't see him faring well there.

Bill Bailey's avatar

The $83 was upheld by the Second Circuit, but, of course, they appealed that. Next stop: The Supremes!

Barbara Marling's avatar

Andy, did I hear correctly? The $5. Million was already posted and is in the possession of the Supreme Court. She will be receiving that money directly from the Court. With reference to the $83 million I think a bond had to be posted?

Marilyn Gillis's avatar

It must gall the 6 creeps on the SC to have to rule against their boy Trump.

Lynne MacIntosh's avatar

Yes, especially since two of them have committed sexual crimes themselves.

Lynn  Bentson's avatar

I only know (like most of the US ) who one of them is ... I do think its rich that Clarence Thomas , porn lover apparently specializing in very very fat woman films , wants to bring back the Comstock act , though

Judy Shaffer's avatar

Yes. Five mill is peanuts to Trump after all that he has grifted from American taxpayers since being in the White House. $83 million would pinch. E. Jean - you go, girl!!!

Marmo's avatar

True, Judy Shaffer, that Dump has scammed way more than $5 million in the past 18 months. But, Dump cannot stand to give up even one penny to anybody else. He doesn't even pay the people he hires after they've completed their work. He cannot stand to give anything to anyone else. So, even though he won't feel the loss of this much money, just handing it over will cause him great distress (though less than he deserves).

Susan Iwanisziw's avatar

Yes, she’s owed about $20 million now (according to her book). The funny thing is, Trump has stolen loads of money that could cover the debt hundreds of times her. I wish she had a secret syphon to suck the money out of his corrupt portfolio.

Harvey Perry's avatar

If the Trump crime family is criminally tried as a racket under the RICO statute, the fine penalty is three times the ill gotten gains.

Still Blaming Mitch's avatar

That would be awesome.

Pam's avatar

Yessss!!!

Michael Medway's avatar

$5 million? Has anyone calculated the interest on the $5 mil? E. Jean shouldn’t accept anything less than Mar-a-Loco. Then she can evict FAT DONALD and his sycophantic friends.

Octavia Redwood's avatar

and turn it into a woman only retreat and recovery center, holding symposiums on global health, innovative legislation, and cake decorating

Carole Wilcox's avatar

Only after burning a LOT of sage.

Octavia Redwood's avatar

Yes, I have already been imagining sage burning throughout the White House....

Barbara's avatar

Yes, definitely a whole lot of sage!

Marmo's avatar

That is what I am thinking, Octavia Redwwood - EJC should take Mar-a-Lardo and turn it into a shelter for women in need - battered, abandoned, swindled, destitute - and they should offer all sorts of education and women's healthcare.

I wish Dump Tower in NYC could be turned into a shelter for refugees of all sorts.

Lynn  Bentson's avatar

Did Shea and Ruby Freeman ever actually GET Rudy's apartment ? I know it was awarded to them but does anyone know if they own it ?