228 Comments
User's avatar
Andy Borowitz's avatar

Elon sold him at a deep discount.

Bob Graham's avatar

Great Andy, you nailed it. And it might also be factually true.

Jayne Spence's avatar

That’s the trouble with satire. It is true just a different presentation of the truth.

Mary-Chilton van Hees's avatar

That’s the BEAUTY of satire!

Pradnya Sikand's avatar

😂That’s why I now solely rely on Andy and TBR and if I may mention The Onion 😉for my news !

Sue Munda's avatar

Yep, he’s cleared the way for them. Let’s hope Taiwan can fight as well as Ukraine, or Iran

John Townsend's avatar

Yeah, let's hope!

Sharon Herrick's avatar

As we have all learned from TBR, everything Andy writes is true.

Pradnya Sikand's avatar

Andy, Thanks for starting my week with laughter and wit ! 😂I like the idea of Trump as a global timeshare among dictators! Elon may have sold him but future strongmen may buy a minor share !Does Kim Jong Un merit a share ? 😉💕

Shannon Kincaid's avatar

I LOVE the timeshare arrangement: "Sorry Donny, you can’t destabilize NATO today, Vlad has you for the week..." 🤣

CBA's avatar

*coffee spoot*

Annette's avatar

<snort laugh>

John Townsend's avatar

--and Vlad will work with you on that!

HarrisWalz FTW 2024's avatar

That's what he's doing FOR Vlad!

Brenda Reiss's avatar

Well ,they were in love so it would only be fair.

John Townsend's avatar

Of course! Or he'll send a nuclear rocket that'll crash into the Pacific!

Pradnya Sikand's avatar

But of course he will ! 😂

Stephen Brady's avatar

Oh, Andy - you just won't do! It is good to start the morning off with a laugh.

misia.d's avatar

And still had to throw in Teslas to clinch the deal!

TheHammond's avatar

Nailed it Andy! Truth & humor combined make the best satire!

And Putin and Xi will have to move fast to recoup their investments since they won't get much from the resale when DJT leaves office.

J Cheng's avatar

Does this mean we have another tariff to pay😳

Wis's avatar

Putin and Xi, unfamiliar with American timeshares, soon regret the deal but find it impossible to get out of.

“Boy, were we right about capitalism, or what?” Putin grumbles to Xi as they leave Elon’s office, still bound by the unwanted contract.

John Townsend's avatar

Impossible to get out? Like Ukraine? Like Afghanistan?

Bobbie75's avatar

Not to mention the timeshare maintenance fees. If they had to absorb the ballroom and Arc de Trump, this will be a very costly deal.

Annette's avatar

<snort laugh>

Wis's avatar

Ooo, timeshares among two ruthless dictators of another ruthless dictator is NEVER a good thing. (Slight ego clash problem, particularly because the one being shared is an insufferable, moronic, demented narcissist. The two others keep giving up their time slots.)

Al Keim's avatar

Who gets him for July 4th?

Wis's avatar

Xi, but feeling like he just spent enough time with the obnoxious, self-centered ass, he doesn't plan on showing up for his time slot. “I can only take so much. And has anyone else noticed the smell? I have to hold my breath if I’m within ten yards of the guy.”

Marilyn Gillis's avatar

It would be wonderful if someone other than the U.S. would have him for July 4th

Wis's avatar

Or better yet, we’ll take him July 4th and Xi and Putin get him the other 364 days.

John Townsend's avatar

Sounds like a plan!

Annette's avatar

perhaps we could get Solomon involved and the "baby" can be split in two

Annette's avatar

love it, Al - "make a wish!"

Al Keim's avatar

Winner gets the leg with testes.

John Townsend's avatar

Trump will be out of the country, so who cares?

Katherine James's avatar

This morning your humor gave me strength. Thanks, I needed that.

Joanne Elizabeth Schulze's avatar

I hope they have a large enough crib with lots of rubber padding.

John Townsend's avatar

--and a Taser or two!

Wis's avatar

Ooo, timeshares among two ruthless dictators of another ruthless dictator is NEVER a good thing. (Slight ego clash problem, particularly because the one being shared is an insufferable, moronic, demented narcissist. The two others keep giving up their time slots.)

Unsafely Anonymous's avatar

How many free Cybertrucks did Chi & Putin get/turn down?

Annette's avatar

same number as T1 cell phones, **shipping soon**

John Silas "Si" Hopkins, III's avatar

I'm not sure you understand Trump, Andy. He's sold 2,775% of himself already and he still has more for sale. But the price is beyond my means or yours.

Phil M.'s avatar

The discount was so deep Elon had to pay Xi and Putin to take him off his hands.

Elon is too busy raiding our Social Security with his doge boys right now.

John Townsend's avatar

Only to those with a cut-out coupon!

It's Come To This's avatar

Seriously. His condition goes from "as is" to "distressed" to "barrel of unloved toys" in the blink of an eye....

Wis's avatar
2hEdited

I was thinking barrel of something, but ‘unloved toys’ wasn’t what came to mind…

Phil M.'s avatar

🤔barrel of💩💩😅😂

CBA's avatar

He's been clearance bin fodder since the 80s.

Wis's avatar

Actually, I think he’s been moved from the “clearance” bin to the “free” bin and now sits in the “we will pay YOU” bin.

RJM's avatar
4hEdited

Yup, Al Gorythm -and proof that Putin really is ceding the world to Xi. He’s been sole owner of Donny for years. Or maybe Vlad is super wily and realizes Trump has done everything he wants so let Xi handle the huge Trump-family + Trump-kisser payroll and Vlad can concentrate on Ukraine at last. (See, Andy, I know that this time your post is utterly and completely unalloyed truth. Oh. Hmm. Whoops. Maybe it’s just wishful thinking?)

Wis's avatar

For sure, Al!

Steve Beckwith's avatar

"MBS Sues to Establish Prior Claim"

misia.d's avatar

He’s still got the big K! It’s about the future.

Annette's avatar

<well played>

Lorenzo's avatar

I know everything you write is true. But this post really rang true. Especially passing on Eric Trump, todays belly laugh.

Elisabeth Birker's avatar

😂. I know that I am not well 🤒 because here and there I actually feel sorry for Eric… which is completely wackadoodle !!! Only a very sparse and occasional - sorry … but still … 😭 😭. HELP!!!

Annette's avatar

Elisabeth! Don't give into the temptation to feel sorry for Eric. He was only along on the trip to keep Lara from singing!

Elisabeth Birker's avatar

😂😂❣️ Nice, Annette❣️

Steve Benko's avatar

The two immediately announced a lucrative licensing deal with Iran granting the ayatollahs tormenting rights.

bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

Xi: Those AI Lego videos are genius! I can't stop laughing at Lego Donald!

Dawna Stromsoe's avatar

The Lego videos, especially since they’re released SO fast and spread SO fast, are better than any tweet, speech or other propaganda. They are genius.

Dawna Stromsoe's avatar

They make their subject look like a doddering clueless old fool.

bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

In short it's an accurate portrayal.

Mike Gelt's avatar

“Breaking News: Xi Jinping and Vladimir Putin reportedly got a bulk discount deal on the use of Donald Trump.

Sources say the package included:

one Truth Social rant,

two classified conversations,

and a free family business opportunity.

Even Temu said: ‘We can’t compete with prices that low.’”

John Townsend's avatar

--and, believe it, Temu tried!

Jeanney Kutner's avatar

Great essay to start my week - laughing!

LHS's avatar

Returns not accepted.

Frank D Repp's avatar

Does't Jeffrey Bezos already own Trump?

Sandra Nicht's avatar

I thought Thiel owned him (oh right, he's stuck with JD CouchFuck)

Paul Ehrenzeller's avatar

What are the Kalshi and Polymarket odds for When It Happens? Xi and Putin no longer have a fixer upper, it’s a complete tear down. So Thiel may have the last laugh.

Roger Fradenburgh's avatar

Actually, it's the other way around.

TheHammond's avatar

I think it's the other way 'round.

Annette's avatar

I believe they both think they own each other, which is richly amusing. Its like a snake eating its own tail.

John Townsend's avatar

A minority share, maybe?

Peter Shaw's avatar

When asked whether they had made a deal regarding JD Vance, both asked “Who?” while suppressing laughs.

John  (NJ-VT)'s avatar

THE TWO TALKED PAST EACH OTHER, BUT ONE THING IS FOR SURE: THE DOOR IS NOW WIDE OPEN FOR CHINA TO TAKE TAIWAN.

“China has not commented on any promised purchases. It did warn that if the U.S. mishandles the question of Taiwan, a self-governing island Beijing claims, it could put the “entire relationship” between the U.S. and China in jeopardy, and that “the most important issue in China-U.S. relations” is Taiwan. The U.S. did not mention Taiwan in its own readout of the meeting.” - HCR

Our president has captured one leader and his wife, killed another leader, and bombed a country without declaring war. China has seen the incredible wealth and value tied to Taiwan’s worldwide dominance in the semiconductor industry. Capturing that would make China the most powerful country in the world.

Undisputed.

They believe history gives them the right to declare Taiwan their own, much like Putin’s claims about Ukraine.

“Major Semiconductor Producers

Taiwan — Advanced Chip Manufacturing Leader

The most important company in the world for advanced chips is TSMC, based in Taiwan.

TSMC manufactures chips for companies like Apple, NVIDIA, AMD, and Qualcomm.

Taiwan produces the majority of the world’s most advanced semiconductors (especially AI and smartphone chips).” - ChatGPT

We are thought to be at least seven years behind in creating our own advanced semiconductor fabs here in the U.S. China has poured billions into the development of fabs and is now listed as number four behind South Korea and the U.S.

No humor here andy, Checkmate.

Sandra Nicht's avatar

someone posted a little video after their private talk, a reporter asked Trump how it went and he flapped his right hand, said "fine" in a lackluster manner, and looked like he'd been threatened with the release of the full Epstein Files...

John  (NJ-VT)'s avatar

The oligarchs are completely screwed if china takes Taiwan - it’s actually worse for them than having their names exposed in the Epstein’s files.

As an EE, I worked close with these advanced fab semiconductor companies users - freescale, xilinx, Qualcomm. There is no other fabs in the world other then TSMC that create devices of that density, and they know it.

Serious stuff.

Humor - what is the difference between China and the US? China will have the most semiconductors, the US will have the most redacted Epstein files.

Robert Lehrer's avatar

The sale of Trump was at an open auction, though the American people were specially invited to participate. But there were no other bidders than Putin and XI, who jointly bought the rights to The Wicked Man at the opening minimum bid price: $8647.

Paul Snyderman's avatar

Does this free up Melania to "Be Best" now?

misia.d's avatar

Hasn’t she bested him already?

Annette's avatar

I heard she was thrown in as an incentive for the deal. Fortunately for her, neither Putin or Xi were interested and decided to send her back to Slovenia.

Barbara Marling's avatar

Brilliant Andy! Solves all their problems in one fell swoop….Taiwan, South China Sea, Ukraine, NATO. BUT will each of them be happy with only half of the globe? HMMM!!!

Sarah McAuliffe-Bellin's avatar

Does Bebe get to visit on weekends?

Jim Dygert's avatar

They both passed on the recording contract of Eric’s wife as well…