105 Comments
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Andy Borowitz's avatar

Happy Thursday evening, everyone!

Mary Carroll's avatar

I gasped out loud 😱 at the headline until I saw who the author was! Good job, Andy!!

Pradnya Sikand's avatar

Andy, Thanks for the Thursday evening pick-me-up headline ! 😂Tell me, O Prescient One , does this mean that those annoying Epstein files will finally be released simultaneously in Chinese and English ? !! 😂💕

Mark Lip's avatar

Maybe it will be a two volume set including a tRump bible.

Elisabeth Birker's avatar

Happy Thursday evening❣️

Al Gorythm's avatar

Trump’s speech on the two countries shared history including Chinese labor building the transcontinental railway and economic importance of the amount of Chinese restaurants being the largest segment of any ethnic group came across as being carefully crafted on the back of a cocktail napkin as Air Force One taxied up to its final destination.

Andy Borowitz's avatar

By far the worst part of the speech was when he accused China of stealing the name "Great Wall" from a Palm Beach takeout place

Susan Stone's avatar

Trump has obviously never been to the great wall, although, given who he is, he would probably still believe that China stole the name from a takeout place in Palm Beach. How many thousands of years old is the city of Palm Beach?…

Hugh Jarce's avatar

I suspect lump would accuse China of having stolen the Great Wall from the US/ Mexican border.

Frances K. Lockwood's avatar

Oh my gosh that brought a big laugh from an otherwise awful day for me. Thanks.

Susan Barnes's avatar

You can’t fix stupid.

It's Come To This's avatar

While Xi's rejoinder was simply: "look at the cards, Mr. Trump. Because that's all you can do is look. We have the cards. All of them. In Chinese and English...."

Frances K. Lockwood's avatar

I heard that speech on the radio on the way to my husband’s appointment, and I was stunned — though at this point I shouldn’t be. Only this administration could take the brutal history of exploited Chinese railroad laborers and turn it into a rambling detour about Chinese restaurants. It’s embarrassing.

misia.d's avatar

This part was real ???

Leslie's avatar

Trump is the epitome of "The Ugly American" now you know where it came from. I thought it was created to describe my Mom's husband lol. As for the speech it was the best he could come up with cuz you have to be able to read to use a speech writer.

John's avatar

So Caroline is at the top of her game?

Wis's avatar
2hEdited

This guy’s so narcissistic, he can’t fathom subtle yet pointed humiliations where they exist, but he goes ballistic and nearly withdraws us from the UN when an escalator malfunctions.

Rebecca Warner's avatar

Well said!

JaneJ's avatar

“He said my name many, many times.”--excellent.

Olivia Ward's avatar

Maybe it sounds better in Chinese. Perhaps the Oversight Committee could try that. They haven't had much luck in English...

It's Come To This's avatar

The characters apparently spell out "painful bowel movement." 💩

M Q's avatar

Xi embarrassed Trump by demonstrating his ability to read.

Susie's avatar

I was gonna say……..

misia.d's avatar

That why Kushner had to be there the first term. He learned to read at Harvard!

Dan Cobb's avatar

Perhaps Putin is threatening the same from his copy of the Epstein files.

L B Rose's avatar

Yes! Doesn't Iran have a copy, too?

Bill Alstrom (MA/Maine/MA)'s avatar

Well somebody needs to read them out loud! Perfect!

Lisa R Curcio's avatar

What I cannot figure out is why no one is running with the comments Xi made about Thucydides. Is there any way that Trump has any idea who Thucydides was?

Peter Scott's avatar

Trump most likely thought that Thucydides was an STD and was wondering how Xi found out that he had it.

Michael Stayton's avatar

What was Thucydides famous quote?

Thucydides Quotes. Self-control is the chief element in self-respect, and self-respect is the chief element in courage. Most people, in fact, will not take the trouble in finding out the truth, but are much more inclined to accept the first story they hear.

Lynn Tuohy's avatar

I hear he’s very important and does many good works.

Andy Borowitz's avatar

He's doing an amazing job.

Pradnya Sikand's avatar

And Thucydides is still alive and walking among us ! 😂💕

Susan Barnes's avatar

And is very popular these days.

misia.d's avatar
27mEdited

Thu was up for a Cabinet position but they found someone better!

Pradnya Sikand's avatar

Not the foggiest idea ! 😉We can be sure of that ! 😂But he does have aspirations to emulate Alexander the Great !

Ada Fuller's avatar

And then Xi excused himself to go rinse out his mouth!

Susan Stone's avatar

Another really good laugh. And I love that trump was paying so little attention to the reading that the only thing he heard was his name being mentioned. That is so very trump!

Mike Gelt's avatar

Instead of Xi and Trump working on opening the Strait of Hormuz and dealing with global trade, Xi allegedly wanted to know one thing: ‘

Exactly how many times is your name in the Epstein files?’

Nothing says stable international diplomacy’ quite like a world leader needing a fact-checker and a lawyer at the same meeting.

John Lawlor Jr's avatar

Hmmm I thought Xi's Epstein troll was the young girls waving flags when Trump arrived there,

Andy Borowitz's avatar

Both can be true.

John Lawlor Jr's avatar

Sure. Then again we could check with Eric. He knows these things.

Gary Farrar's avatar

It's an ancient Chinese custom to mention your guest's achievements.

Kay-El's avatar

Pay-per-view would clean up if that was broadcast here or anywhere for that matter.

Sharon Buchbinder, PhD's avatar

This rings SO TRUE!!! LOL! “He’s a true friend,” Trump later said of Xi. “He said my name many, many times.”

Donna_H's avatar

Everything that Andy writes is true.

Elizabeth Fenlon's avatar

Thank you for all you do for our country.