265 Comments
User's avatar
Katherine Goodman's avatar

Now THIS would be a HUGE IMPROVEMENT!!

Andy Borowitz's avatar

His English is definitely better.

Shaké Topalian's avatar

His values for sure are much better. He is intelligent, courageous, cares deeply for his people and his country unlike the demented evil jackass in the White House.

Peaceful Mary T.'s avatar

I think he even cares more for us than Dumpty does!

E. Sherman's avatar

That's for sure, Mary. Talk about an understatement!!!

Lynn Tuohy's avatar

I’m sure someone would think of a reason to reject his offer. Like “he’s not very tall, is he?”

Annette's avatar

Barron is tall, but what has he done for this country? (other than give his mother a reason to stay away from the duties of first lady).

Annette's avatar

we certainly care more for him than ConOLD

kdsherpa's avatar

No question whatsoever. Besides, the orange pedophilic sadist does not care for ANYONE other than himself. It's extraordinary to watch.

Susan Grimes's avatar

I love "demented evil jackass' - so on point!

Barry Avery's avatar

demented evil jackass? Why be so kind to the POS?

Robert Lehrer's avatar

That is of course true. But then the English of a struggling 5th grader would very likely be better as well.

John Townsend's avatar

No, a third grader!

Dorothy Dortiin's avatar

Right Andy, he speaks in complete sentences.

Jim Dygert's avatar

He’s easier to understand than Meloonia!

Doreen Dalesandro's avatar

Meloonia 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Great one, Jim🤓🖖🏻

Susan McIntosh's avatar

And he has a moral compass, unlike the orange fascist.

kdsherpa's avatar

"Moral" cannot be used in the same sentence with that sadist's name.

Dawna Stromsoe's avatar

and his wife is naturally beautiful, strong, admirable, gracious, articulate, faithful and well respected.

Katherine James's avatar

Yes, it would. LOLOLOLOLOL

Rose Edgar's avatar

That would be the best plan ever. Actually anyone in the world would be better than the orange taco!

Jayne Spence's avatar

This would be a dream. A Comedian leading a country? Well I hear Stephen Colbert is looking for a new gig…

Christina  A.'s avatar

Better a former comedian than a 3rd-class former TV host.

Sandra Nicht's avatar

especially a comedian with the intelligence of Colbert...

Richard's avatar

I agree with you 100%!

John Townsend's avatar

A no-class reality show host!

Kimball C Pier, Ph.D's avatar

I agree. I always hoped Robin Williams would live long enough to serve as President

kdsherpa's avatar

He was a truly beautiful, deeply compassionate -- and wildly brilliant -- human being. (I get an email from a medical organization. The last "issue" had a little article about the 10 best-liked movies by physicians. Five of the 10 starred Robin Williams.)

nacreplus2's avatar

Actually, I read recently he's found one. He and his son, Peter McGee will be writing for a new Lord of the Rings movie, working with Peter Jackson.

https://www.npr.org/2026/03/25/nx-s1-5760799/stephen-colbert-lord-of-the-rings

Michael Lederman's avatar

Middle School English teachers applauded Zelensky's offer. A Cleveland School marm said "he never slurs his words, his jokes are funny and he never ends a sentence with a preposition."

Clym Yeobright's avatar

And he doesn’t even *own* a red tie

John Townsend's avatar

--and he might just kick Vance in the pants!

Susan E Keezer's avatar

I hope he would kick him in the front of his pants to keep him from further adVancing. We need no more Vances.

Annette's avatar

plus, he doesn't play the accordion or jerk off giraffes when he dances

Carole Jean's avatar

I wish this were true!

Linda McCaughey's avatar

Can we start a petition?

Cindy La Ferle's avatar

"He has no cards" -- perfecto !! Thanks for the smiles, Andy!

Mark D Olson's avatar

Maybe we could give djt his own deck. There's Dump the Skunk or Dump and Run or Go to the Dump. Then there is a game called garbage- it's supposed to be pretty simple, maybe he could learn that one.

Susan von Beethoven's avatar

Let’s play “Drain the Swamp”! Begin by getting rid of the corrupt, ignorant, lying, cabinet members. Finally, the player who gets rid of Trump wins the big prize: we get our democracy back.

Marjorie's avatar

And the Orange Gasbag replaces the Dog Killer with Mark-Wayne-John-Boy Mullin.

Annette's avatar

the last line of Andy's posts are the ribbon on the gift!

Hugh Abramson's avatar

bad cards? Donald was Trumped.

John Townsend's avatar

-and may he be Dumped!

Deborah Ady's avatar

Perfect today. I laughed aloud.

Sarah Smith's avatar

My friends were discussing this yesterday. Let's not forget how Trump family built his father an office for him to go to every day when his dementia could no longer be ignored.

Janeo's avatar

And never forget that the grandfather, an Austrian immigrant, made his original fortune in the brothel business. Ala Epstein.

Brenda Reiss's avatar

That's why he was so comfortable and happy to be best friends with Epstein. It was familiar and warm

Al Keim's avatar

Ok I'm not going anywhere near that one.

Harvey Perry's avatar

That is why his parents gave him the middle name of “John”.

Annette's avatar

also synonymous with "toilet"

John Townsend's avatar

Bavarian immigrant, I believe.

MaryT's avatar

Yes, and he emigrated from Bavaria to avoid the draft (sound familiar?). Then tried to repatriate, but they wouldn't take him back. And we are left to deal with those pathetic genetics.

felice's avatar

I never knew this. Boy, genetics goes on for generations! Where do Don, JR and Eric fall

Annette's avatar

hopefully into a deep, dark crevice . . . oh, sorry, I misunderstood (LOL)

nacreplus2's avatar

It's culture and values.

Annette's avatar

ahhh, that's why the force is strong in ConOLD

Joan Pikas's avatar

Thank you again for helping to “lighten” my day. Trump has never played with a full deck.

LiverpoolFCfan's avatar

Well said.

Instead, his deck has always been stacked in his favor.

Annette's avatar

and his deck contains lots of Jokers . . . just look at his staff

Christina  A.'s avatar

What a great idea!

Susanna Wilson's avatar

YES! We’ll take him! Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have a president with integrity?!

John Townsend's avatar

Wonder what's that's like......

Annette's avatar

some day, John, some day we will know

Pradnya Sikand's avatar

Happy Tuesday Andy, 😂I hope your famed prescience is not on spring break ! Zelenskyy has all the cards, he will keep us out of WWIII! We will say THANK YOU profusely and nominate him for the Nobel Peace Prize ! Thanks for the laughs ! 😂💕

P.S. We will buy him a new suit ! 😂😂

Elizabeth Hanna's avatar

Only make him wear a 'suit' when we demand that the Saudis wear suits.

nacreplus2's avatar

He'll be delighted to wear a suit when Russia's illegal war is over.

John Townsend's avatar

--or many new T-shirts with a high thread count!

Annette's avatar

I think we should even suggest that the Nobel committee come up with a new category or designation - something befitting of a man who truly deserves the recognition

T L Mills's avatar

Thanks for the chuckle! We cam only WISH we had a leader as competent as Mr. Zelenskyy!

Jay F's avatar

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Clym Yeobright's avatar

Perhaps it’s because he is so focused on the matter that trump has no energy?

Denis Pombriant's avatar

Both countries US and Ukraine, are rich in petroleum. Putin is trying to steal Ukraine’s oil producing regions. Trump wants to be an oil tycoon just like uncle Vlad.

John Townsend's avatar

Donald should stay in his own lane--the slow one!

Annette's avatar

but not the bike lane . . . he'd never get his fat arse on the seat

Al Gorythm's avatar

Trump was already dead from the neck up on arrival.