170 Comments
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Al Gorythm's avatar

From Donald Trump’s forthcoming book, “The Art of Burning Bridges”

(In Order to Light the Way)

Jerry Steffens's avatar

"All our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death." -- William Shakespeare

Al Gorythm's avatar

Beware the Idiots of March

Annette's avatar

excellent posts, Al - keep 'em coming!

Anca Vlasopolos's avatar

If only dusty death would make haste.

Marc Panaye's avatar

"The Art of the Epic Fail"

M Q's avatar

"If you burn the bridge before you cross it, you won't have to try to cross it."

-- from “The Art of Burning Bridges”

Annette's avatar

<appreciative applause>. That seems to sum up the tRump policy for . . . everything.

Ellen Harris's avatar

Too true! How about “the art of spreading bankruptcy and I don’t care!”

Erik Bruun's avatar

Zelensky probably thought these things. He is, after all, a comedian with a Borowitzian background. But he is too smart to be so snarky out loud.

Instead, the rest of the world responds to Trump for being the hard-blowing buffoon and demented criminal that he is. You can't tell everyone they are jerks, then kick a tiger in the butt and expect people to come to your aid, no matter how loudly and incoherently you bluster.

Andy Borowitz's avatar

I would have a very hard time resisting the urge to say these things.

Erik Bruun's avatar

That’s why Zelensky is president of Ukraine and you are not. 😊

Gjay15's avatar

You make a good point. President Zelenskyy is also courageous and compassionate.We Americans are fools for flash and bang and bluster. Also bravado over humility.

It's Come To This's avatar

The guy who shoved electric toothbrushes up both his years while going "BZZ-BZZ-BZZ-BZZ" as Paddington Bear's voice (in Ukrainian) and once did a leather queen dance number with 4 other guys as Kyiv's hottest new gay bar attraction is a true master comedian indeed. And balls so big you can see them from outer space.... 🇺🇦

Stacey Hunt's avatar

I forgot he was a comedian! I hope he sees this somehow - he would definitely appreciate it.

Annette's avatar

I think those who used to be our European allies (before the Commander in Cheat insulted them and basically severed relationships) should agree to help tRump at the bare minimum, in exchange for tRump's FULL and complete support of Ukraine in the Russian war.

Glen Colton's avatar

Funny on multiple levels 👍💙🤔

Jack Goodman's avatar

Borowitz is consistently funny, but this is next level. Worth the price of the sub just for this.

Gary Farrar's avatar

Four Americans killed in Benghazi attack and Hillary is crucified. 13 killed and hundreds of Americans wounded by Trumps blunder and he's selling merch.

Richard's avatar

I agree with you 100%!

Stacey Hunt's avatar

And it's not over yet.....)>:

Gary Farrar's avatar

Yes. It won't be over for several generations for many of our Middle East brothers and sisters. They won't forget, nor should they.

Gary Farrar's avatar

Returning to the subject of Andy's essay, Europe and Ukraine won't forget either.

What a disaster for people everywhere, and MAGA is to blame.

MaryT's avatar

That is because Republicans have written the book on "The Art of the Attack" that has derailed Democratic candidates like Edmund Muskie for shedding a tear, Swift-boating of John Kerry, Hillary's "emails". Trump's evil-doings preceded him into office but Democrats sat on his double-dealings and the Epstein network for over a decade because of some moral delusion that they are above the fray. My moral compass says: "if you want to root out evil, you have to dig in the dirt."

Mary Gilbert's avatar

and playing golf 🤬

Lorraine Smith-Phelan's avatar

He’s not only selling merch, he’s fund raising.

Stephen Wadsworth's avatar

HAIKU DU JOUR

Funny on multiple

Levels, and not funny on

Multiple levels.

Elisabeth Birker's avatar

ZING 💥 ZAP ⚡️!!! Thank you for this, Andy❣️ This obnoxious dressing down of Zelenskyy by Trump and JD Vance was sooo incredibly disrespectful and rude!!!!!!!!!!

Sooo many incidents of sheer stupidity and reckless self-serving shit!!! It boggles the mind!!! Rankles every bone!!! May this nightmare be over soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Annette's avatar

I would like to see Zelenskyy dress down tRump and his war buddies, not in the Oval Office Whore House, but in a simple bunker underneath the White House. And make sure the war buddies all wear their new shoes, so they can tap dance in the bunker after the door closes on them.

bruce schneider's avatar

Trump does have cards: a whole house of them.

Andy, please give Zelensky a free subscription. We need more comedians in our lives.

Annette's avatar

Zelenskyy cares about the people of his country, always. tRump cares about himself, only.

Shannon Kincaid's avatar

How the worm has turned.

A man without a suit schooling the suit without a man.

SCS - Michigan's avatar

Excellent turn of phrase! So true!!

Olivia Koppell's avatar

Yet again: brilliant! One of your all-time bests. How do you do it?! It’s a “gift” for sure; thank you for sharing it with us.

Kent Olsen's avatar

I hope Zelenskyy noted JD Vance's new shoes (and suit)!

Clym Yeobright's avatar

Let me guess: did it match trump’s? Was JD wearing a white baseball cap too?

Roland Saeger's avatar

And a pair of kneepads for those one-on-one meetings?

Clym Yeobright's avatar

Haven’t seen much of JD recently. Is he back on his odyssey of world religions? I heard somewhere that last week he called in Sikh to the office …

misia.d's avatar

He’s busy with a career counselor.

Clym Yeobright's avatar

Now, if he were seeing a hindu counselor, he’d be hearing “Maggot. You can still aspire to maggotcy in the next life, but that’s the best I’ve got … AND you’ll have to work very hard to get that!”

Paul Ehrenzeller's avatar

JD and Little Marco think they are both vying to be anointed by Trump as his successor. They don’t realize that Trump’s continued fundraising is because he will anoint one of his kids or Jared to succeed him so he can continue his grift until he dies.

Clym Yeobright's avatar

I’m thinking Jump right to Barron, Peter the Great reincarnated

Jean Jacoby's avatar

Oh no. When I first clicked on this email, I thought it was real! Thank you for making this moment in my day so much better.

Dotty Hopkins's avatar

I was hoping it was.

Barbara G Bornstein's avatar

Karma's a bitch.

This is so spot on!

Pradnya Sikand's avatar

Touché Indeed! 😉Zelenskyy may not have the “cards” but he is a nimble and agile épéeist ! 😂

L B Rose's avatar

As usual, Zelenskyy (and of course Andy) are correct. Agent Orange has no cards, no skills, no idea about how the world really works, no humor or laughter or joy. He has no concept of consequences therefore no logic above the game of "feed my bank accounts". Guess the Dark Money team thought it would be great to have him in charge, because most of them are limited to that game too. And guess who pays the price?

Clym Yeobright's avatar

Remember early in the first term when he told the new widow he had just ‘created’ “Well, I guess he knew what he was getting into …”?

None of us did.