305 Comments
User's avatar
Andy Borowitz's avatar

Did you get your check?

Expand full comment
John's avatar

As a member of the Secret Jewish Space Laser Corps (Goyim Division), we aren't allowed to accept payment.

Expand full comment
bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

But are the space lasers kosher?

Expand full comment
Hugh Jarce's avatar

Nah. Chazerai. Tastes better that way.

Expand full comment
John's avatar

As kāshēr as a knish

Expand full comment
bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

Oy!

Expand full comment
John Townsend's avatar

No meat, no dairy together, so no problem!

Expand full comment
Barbara's avatar

I know, I'm getting sick and tired of us having to be above reproach. I really wanted that money from Soros. I had planned on investing it right back into the economy, who knows, maybe I wanted to buy one of the fine items Trump is constantly hawking.

Expand full comment
Ellie's avatar

He's offering the US Constitution on Ebay. The document, not the battle ship.

Expand full comment
John Townsend's avatar

Darn! I wanted both!

Expand full comment
John Townsend's avatar

Avoid the Trump watches! They bend both time and truth this way and that!

Expand full comment
DeeDeeBee's avatar

Well, we could all purchase soy beans from our US farmers with the Soros payment...

Expand full comment
Autumn Mich's avatar

I was going to purchase one of Melania's meme coins, in honor of her upcoming Netflix documentary

Expand full comment
SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

Then I'm glad he stiffed you. NOT ONE PENNY TO THE

GRIFT MILL

Expand full comment
marlyg's avatar

🤣🤣🤣

Expand full comment
Catherine Alvarez's avatar

🤣🤣🤣🤣👍

Expand full comment
raojenkins's avatar

in fairness,she has done at least 3 good things lately - stand against genocide in Gaza, call for the release of the Epstein files, and pushed to keep the health insurance subsidies the regime's cut to give tax "relief" /s to the ultra rich....

Expand full comment
Susan Hunt's avatar

Now she should add one more 'good thing'...convince one more Republican to sign on to the Epstein discharge petition. That way, Johnson would have to recall the Representative, install Grijalva and vote to release the Epstein files.

Expand full comment
P J Johnston's avatar

That's because her supporters probably are going to be mad that they are losing their medicaid and ACA! But then again I'm sure she voted for the "Big Ugly Bill." To begin with!

Expand full comment
Judith Green's avatar

We need to give the devil her due. After all, no other Republican is speaking out no matter how much their constituents will suffer from losing Medicaid and outrageous health insurance premiums. Nor do they evidence upset over genocide in Gaza...

Expand full comment
SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

Makes one wonder why doesn't it? Maybe

" blinded" on the road to Washington?

Expand full comment
John Townsend's avatar

Can Damascus and revelation be far behind for her?

Expand full comment
J Cheng's avatar

No. Sadly I was a no show because I got caught in the 1-5 shutdown chaos in SoCal. Damn I needed that money......

Expand full comment
Jocelyn B's avatar

And, as a friend said about the rockets being fired over I-5, "what could possibly go wrong?"

Expand full comment
J Cheng's avatar

I read that one missile exploded prematurely over the I-5. No one was injured but a CHP car was hit. I’m surprised that’s all that happened, besides the traffic fluster cluck.

Expand full comment
Susan Stone's avatar

Has I-5 turned into a parking lot, too? I remember in 2015 seeing the new Marina Del Rey freeway being a parking lot. So glad I don't live in SoCal any more, though I would much rather have California's governor than my Texas governor…

Expand full comment
Corena Feidner's avatar

I have attended every protest and still haven't received my money from George !

Expand full comment
Lois W. Halbert's avatar

Me neither

Expand full comment
Marlene Lerner-Bigley (CA)'s avatar

I only got an I.O.U.

Expand full comment
Wis's avatar

I did! Ed McMahon came back from the dead and arrived at my doorstep with an enormous, beach-blanket-sized check signed by Soros himself! In appreciation, I put another trump meme on my sign.

Expand full comment
Ellen's avatar

I gave mine to local food banks suffering under Republican rule.

Expand full comment
nancygal's avatar

I saw a good sign at our rally:

“I don’t need payment,

I hate pedophiles for free!”

Expand full comment
Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

MOST EXCELLENT & 100% agreed!!!

Expand full comment
Cindy Froggatt's avatar

hey, where's my money???

Expand full comment
John Townsend's avatar

In snail mail!

Expand full comment
M.E. Lawrence's avatar

That Soros scamp has owed me for more than 50 years; I should be living in a cottage with a white-water view.

Expand full comment
John Townsend's avatar

-with a pool, a sauna, and room for a pony!

( for fans of "Keeping Up Appearances"!

Expand full comment
Marianne Burbank's avatar

I got a rock…Just call me Charlie Brown…

Expand full comment
Annette's avatar

giggle

Expand full comment
Brenda Reiss's avatar

no

Expand full comment
John Townsend's avatar

It was deposited online!

Expand full comment
Annette's avatar

but then AWS had that glitch!

Expand full comment
Mark Stocker's avatar

Still waiting for mine

Expand full comment
Lois W. Halbert's avatar

No none of us did

Expand full comment
Virgin Monk Boy's avatar

Finally, the truth is out. Soros had to pawn his orbital lasers to cover the Antifa payroll. Tragic, really. I heard the Rothschilds are starting a GoFundMe.

Jokes aside, it’s amazing how satire keeps having to explain itself to people who think parody is prophecy.

If millions of people march for democracy and your first thought is “they must be paid,” you’re not fighting tyranny—you’re auditioning for it.

Reality doesn’t need a financier. It just needs enough people to wake up.

Expand full comment
L B Rose's avatar

To Agent Orange, doing anything is a transaction. If he were to march for anything, he would expect compensation. Look at how much compensation he's getting for pretending to fill the office of POTUS.

Expand full comment
Annette's avatar

I wonder if he gets a bonus each time he walks up or down a stairway without falling

Expand full comment
MLK's avatar

I'd rather Dump gets no bonus and just falls.

Expand full comment
Amy's avatar

Love your penultimate paragraph! Can I steal it???

Expand full comment
Virgin Monk Boy's avatar

Yes

Expand full comment
Etel's avatar

Exactly right!!

Expand full comment
Babydoc's avatar

Well said!

Expand full comment
Susie's avatar

Always with the perfect words! You. Are. Brilliant!!! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Expand full comment
P J Johnston's avatar

TRUTH!

Expand full comment
John Townsend's avatar

--or slapped awake!

Expand full comment
Annette's avatar

well said! The marchers are living in reality; the other side, not so much

Expand full comment
DebraFant's avatar

And thank goodness for those who bring humor into these times - a great antidote to despair!

Expand full comment
Mscreant's avatar

I'm still waiting for my checks from the last 10 rallies! 💸

Expand full comment
Judy Shaffer's avatar

Yeah, me too! Soros is a welcher.

Expand full comment
Catharine Farkas's avatar

Please try to use an alternate phase to "welch" or "welcher". It is a corruption of Welsh or Welsher and is an old slur against the people of Wales by their neighbors in England. They were characterized as all being thieves...or not following through on payments owed, etc.

Expand full comment
Nancy Morgan LeBar's avatar

Thank you for explaining that. I am a Morgan, and I believe my ancestors came from Wales many, many years ago. They even fought in the Revolution! Maybe got paid for it. But I will forgive Soros this time.

Expand full comment
David's avatar

Dince when is Farkas Eelsh? Nu?

Expand full comment
Sharon P's avatar

wait wait who is the real non paying guy??? hint: married to a tall immigrant ,wears make up(no not the wife) has disappeared hair, owns only one suit ,sells merch(made in China) on line but never send the stuff to the buyers, never paid laborlores .... YEP you got it!!!!!

Expand full comment
John Townsend's avatar

Trumpty-Dumpty's finances had a great fall!

Expand full comment
Irna Gadd's avatar

I’m going to send him a bill with a late fee attached to it. Then we’ll see how honest he is!

Expand full comment
marlyg's avatar

Hahaha!

Expand full comment
Wis's avatar

Same here! I’m counting on that cash to get me through a general strike!

😏

Expand full comment
John Townsend's avatar

Interest must be accruing......

Expand full comment
MLK's avatar

Thanks to Soros' checks, I've already renovated my kitchen!

Expand full comment
John Melmed's avatar

I was paid in cash in the form of a photocopy of a $1 bill. I just cashed it at the Maralago Republican Bank who charged me a $3 service fee! It’s tax deductible.

Expand full comment
DebbieM (OH)'s avatar

🤣 Good one!

Expand full comment
Eileen's avatar

I am so sorry - I initially misread the headline as GEORGE SANTOS, not GEORGE SOROS, I guess because Santos is likely to claim the credit.

Expand full comment
Jocelyn B's avatar

Me too, actually. Did you hear Santos' little "speech" about how he was turning over a new leaf?? (I've got a bridge I can sell you.)

Expand full comment
Nancy Morgan LeBar's avatar

I bet he gets a nice job in the White House.....maybe official Ketchup Cleaner Upper.

Expand full comment
Annette's avatar

<snort laugh> I can picture him in a french maid's outfit, with a towel over his forearm, following ConOLD around.

Expand full comment
Nancy Morgan LeBar's avatar

Oooo....kinky! With the high heels also!

Expand full comment
Betsy Phelan's avatar

Me too … and it wouldn’t have be any weirder than real life already is!😳

Expand full comment
Susan's avatar

LOL🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Expand full comment
Susie's avatar

Me, too!!!! I was so confused! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Expand full comment
Annette's avatar

George Santos IS George Soros

Expand full comment
It's Come To This's avatar

Where's MY check? I want my share! I was there. In my blue Tina Turner wig and "My Drag Name is Auntie Fa" sign. Who do I sue? 😜

Expand full comment
Swan's avatar

🎊BRAVO, Auntie Fa!!!!🎉Another in a huge pile of original, American 🇺🇸🗽creative witticisms!!! Thanks for sharing!!

🍃🍁🩵🪅🌟🪅🩵🍁🍂

Expand full comment
John Townsend's avatar

Did stiletto heels come with that costume? If so, you might qualify for extra combat pay!

Expand full comment
Nancy Morgan LeBar's avatar

Oh, where were you? I am so sorry to have missed seeing you!

Expand full comment
Wis's avatar

😅 Oh, I wish we could post pictures! I’d love to see this, It’s Come to This!

Expand full comment
Joseph T. Babcock's avatar

Well done Andy well done.

Expand full comment
BTAM Master's avatar

While we're at bridge standouts, the same truck drives by and the driver screams "How much are you getting paid?" We ignore him, although if I weren't afraid of going viral, I'd love to say "$2000 per hour. I do three of these a week, then go collect my cash in 20 dollar bills. I quit my full time job!"

Expand full comment
Robert S Hunter's avatar

Reflection. Guess who has paid some of his demonstrators?

Expand full comment
Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Hmmmmm... Lemme give this one a big think...

Expand full comment
Annette's avatar

hehehe

Expand full comment
Mary Roeser's avatar

I saw a sign that perfectly describes my feelings: "I wasn't paid to be here. I hate Trump for free." So, thanks for the offer, Mr. Soros, but you can keep my share with my blessings. I know those orbital lasers are not cheap to operate.

P.S.: I have no doubt the MAGAT morons (but I repeat myself) believe every word of this nonsense about George Soros paying us to be at the No Kings protests. It's their not-at-all-subtle revelation of their anti-Semitism.

Expand full comment
Marjorie's avatar

It must have really pissed off the Orange Menace that the massive crowds were so white.

Expand full comment
BTAM Master's avatar

It makes you wonder how big the protests would have been if the non-whites weren't too terrified (rightly so) to show up.

Expand full comment
Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

My grandson (indigenous) and his partner (Central American, doesn't matter which pais) decided not to go for this reason, though they really wanted to...

Expand full comment
DebraFant's avatar

Good point.

Expand full comment
Susan Mongar's avatar

I deposited mine quickly before Soros ran dry.

Expand full comment
MLK's avatar

I forked over my Soros protest' proceeds to the contractor who's adding a huge ballroom to my house.

Expand full comment
Richard's avatar

Just a thought , but shouldn't the October Employment numbers spike severely, now that all of Antifa is gainfully employed? And can we expect Trump to take credit for that?

Expand full comment
Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Expand full comment
Steve Benko's avatar

Five more bankruptcies and he can run for President!

Expand full comment
Bill Smith's avatar

"A deal's a deal" said no billionaire ever. I'm pretty sure that's how they got to be billionaires.

Expand full comment
Wis's avatar

Maybe good billionaires make good! Or, more likely, aren’t stupid enough to offer such a thing. 😉

Expand full comment
Jean Jacoby's avatar

You know, Andy, you should post that on X, formerly twitter, and see how many people think it's true. On second thought, maybe I don't want to know.

Expand full comment
Robert E.'s avatar

If people really thought it true they would pay the money forward for the recurring Impeachment party and loss of job.

Expand full comment
Winslow Tuttle's avatar

Oh, that is SO good. (But why didn't I demand more $? My sign was really excellent.)

Expand full comment
Jocelyn B's avatar

Tell us what it said, please!

Expand full comment
Winslow Tuttle's avatar

Well, let's see. One of them was--yawn--"No faux-king way" and the other, which I held up to traffic, was "If you're not afraid, you're not paying attention." Big letters, good background colors, George-approved.

Expand full comment
SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

No faux-ing way..excellent.

Expand full comment
Octavia Redwood's avatar

my husband's sign also

Expand full comment