WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Declaring that “there’s a human cost to this,” an irate Kristi Noem revealed on Thursday that the “Democrat-caused shutdown” has resulted in her losing her voluminous hair extensions.
“When I pose in front of a cage of migrants in El Salvador, my extensions are an important part of my uniform,” she said. “I feel naked without them.”
Warning of dire consequences if the shutdown continues, she added, “My fillers could be next.”
Noem said she received a sympathetic email from Vice President JD Vance, who has been forced by the shutdown to forego his eyeliner.
More Than a Puppy Killer: Meet the Real Kristi Noem
She looks even crazier in that 2013 photo.
I suppose just dance vance will be shaving his beard now.