Iranians Catch Jared Kushner Trying to Set Up Own Tollbooth in Strait of Hormuz
PERSIAN GULF (The Borowitz Report)—Trump son-in-law Jared Kushner was “caught red handed” trying to establish his own tollbooth in the Strait of Hormuz, Iran’s Revolutionary Guard reported on Tuesday.
Unsatisfied with the billions he has extracted from an array of Gulf states, Kushner had hoped to cash in on the Hormuz bonanza before he was nabbed by the Iranians.
“Why should you guys be the only ones who get in on this grift?” an irate Kushner shrieked at the Revolutionary Guards as they zip-tied him.
Asked to comment on her husband’s detention in Iran, Ivanka Trump said, “It is what it is.”
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Little known fact: Iran had made a major concession, to wit, it modified the coffee machine in the waiting room at its Islamabad consulate to accept American quarters.
Alas, the gesture was lost on Jared. “What is this thing you call ‘a quarter’?”, he asked a reporter. When the reporter showed him one, he tested it with his teeth and said “Interesting. But that doesn’t look at all like Daddy. If it were real money, I’m certain it would have the face of the potentate on it. I carry only trump$-coins in my little red plastic coin-purse. And melania$-nickels, of course. Do many people know about this?” Assured they do, he replied “I’ll have to ask Ivanka; she occasionally mixes with the unwashed masses … at Sak’s.”
I love this edition, Andy. The concept of a tollbooth in the Strait is so funny. The last line has me in stitches- a typical Borowitz pattern: save the (be) best for last. “It is what it is “ has an association now that I’ll never forget. Keep ’em coming, Andy. We need you even more than ever.