Joe Manchin Cedes Title of Most Despised Democrat in History to John Fetterman
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In an emotional tribute on Monday, former Senator Joe Manchin ceded the title of most-despised Democrat in history to Senator John Fetterman.
“When I retired from the Senate, I thought that my record for being the most deeply reviled member of the Democratic Party was safe,” Manchin said. “Clearly, I was mistaken.”
“For fourteen years, every morning I’d wake up and say, ‘How can I be an irritating assclown today?” the West Virginian added. “But Fetterman takes it to a new level.”
For his part, Fetterman was visibly moved by Manchin’s tribute, telling reporters, “When I came to the Senate I never dreamt I could be more obnoxious than a legendary jagoff like Joe. I’m truly humbled by this honor.”
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Tulsi Gabbard and Kyrsten Sinema would have been in the running but they both left the party.
Apparently dressing like a clown wasn’t enough to prove Fetterman’s lack of common sense. Just to make sure we all know how crazy he is, he started supporting Trump. It worked. He’s certifiably nuts.