373 Comments
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DR Darke's avatar

Are you sure this is satire, and not what every Republican really things and that Sunday School Teacher/Stinking Pedo Mike Johnson is just finally saying the quiet part out loud...?

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Andy Borowitz's avatar

Everything I write is true.

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BTAM Master's avatar

That's what worries me most.

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CARLA M LA ROSA's avatar

That last paragraph scares me the most!

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Cathy Harr's avatar

😩

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kdsherpa's avatar

You told me a long time ago, Andy, that you only tell the truth. It can be confusing at times because what you write sounds so unbelievable at times. But I know it is true, so I don't worry about it (actually, as a matter of fact, I DO worry about it, but so it goes.)

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

Andy, I so hope you'll post ASAP the details of your on-line No Kings. Quite a few here have asked and I'm one of them, unable to get to Times Square or Morningside Heights tomorrow. It's killing me and missing you would be all the worse.

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Judy Nagle's avatar

There are protests in my city, but I am elderly and can't get to one nor do I want to. . I have trouble walking.

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Michael Cawley's avatar

Me too.

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Linda McCaughey's avatar

Agreed.

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Allan Katz's avatar

Is that true?

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kdsherpa's avatar

Yes. Andy wrote a response to a post I'd written where I said, "This can't possibly be true!" and told me that everything he wrote was true. Come to think of it, maybe he was only referring to that particular day's column... Well, in case he wasn't, I believe that everything he writes is true.

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

Worry not, kdsherpa. EVERYTHING he writes is true. He is a beacon.

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kdsherpa's avatar

Yes, he is that, indeed, L.R. It's so important to have a Truth Teller when there is so much disinformation.

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Jim Yoder's avatar

Yes it is and it is sometimes very scary to people who have no clue what satire is. :)

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Virgin Monk Boy's avatar

Wouldn’t surprise me. The GOP’s been doing performance art so long they forgot it was supposed to be a parody.

At this point, Mike Johnson’s press conferences sound like deleted scenes from The Handmaid’s Tale directed by Joel Osteen.

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Susie's avatar

Yes!

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Michael Cawley's avatar

?

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John Townsend's avatar

It's performance, but not any kind of art!

A direction by Joel Osteen would involve a lot more blinking!

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Robert E.'s avatar

Complete with dollar signs on each eyeball

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Gabriele C Overweg's avatar

Please, everyone in our fearless leader's orbit has dollar signs on each eyeball.

But according to Eric, his father has saved God and Christianity for all these ungrateful citizens.

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

Gabriele, your first seven words had me thinking that you were referring to Andy. Duh (referring to myself, not AB).

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Amy Cain's avatar

Joel Osteen?? ??? ??!!!

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John Townsend's avatar

Yes, he blinks A LOT!

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Robert E.'s avatar

How about a combination Joel Osteen/Chucky doll for Halloween?

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John Townsend's avatar

--with a vial of holy water to throw on it and make smoke.....

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JeffJ's avatar

At least. Maga Mike is consistent…consistently full of…

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John Townsend's avatar

--bovine excrement?

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Mike Sabes's avatar

A very dim bulb to say the least, narrow vision, or maybe no vision, only what Trump wants.

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Michael Cawley's avatar

All that The Unspeakable Mike does is in order to have 1st'ys at licking Trump's butt.

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The Rickster's avatar

You’re absolutely right, er, sorry, correct.

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Marge Campbell's avatar

The Repugnants are also calling it an "Anti-America" protest.

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DR Darke's avatar

Because of course they are—Pedo Mikey has already used that term in his desperate bloviations to appease the Felonious Traitor he worships, Trump!

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Felix's avatar

I catch myself at times from saying “

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Jocelyn B's avatar

It’s VERY close to home.

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Deb Borrelli's avatar

Thinking the same thing.

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DR Darke's avatar

That's correct! That's Completely Correct! 😁

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KC Scott's avatar

Exactly my reaction!! Too close to real.

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John Townsend's avatar

Both satire and probable truth.

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It's Come To This's avatar

We don't hate America. We LOVE ❤️🤍💙 America. It's Speaker Poindexter Bobblehead and his band of babbling, butt-kissing baboons who make our skin crawl.

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Robot Bender's avatar

Nice alliteration there. 🌟

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John Townsend's avatar

Not to mention the Orange Lumpty-Trumpty!

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pilgrimRVW's avatar

Thank you Harry Potter and Professor McGonigal! How apt!!

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Anne Lesser's avatar

Oh, please don't use baboons--too good for it! Perhaps sludge at end of bile duct. Just a suggestion.

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Susan Stone's avatar

Real baboons don't kiss anyone's butt! These people may try to imitate baboons, but they don't succeed.

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Michael Cawley's avatar

Only the Leader of the Troop gets His butt licked.

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

Susan, don't baboons go after each other's butts? (Did I put the apostrophe in the correct place?) And, "if at first you don't succeed..."

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Susan Stone's avatar

L.R., I would have put the apostrophe after the s. I don't know about baboons' secret lives, but from what I've seen of them (watching The Zoo) they don't do that. Personally I think that if these people keep trying to act like baboons, they might turn into better creatures.

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Michael Cawley's avatar

Your so right.

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Kathleen Rayson's avatar

“You’re so right”

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Penny Pawl's avatar

Well said

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Phillip Hunt's avatar

DO NOT insult Poindexter like that!

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Golden Rule's avatar

I saw a great sign that reads: Not a Paid Protester, I Hate Trump For Free.

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Susie's avatar

Oh, bravo!!! That may be the winner for my protest sign contest! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

Love America Hate Trump says it all

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Susan's avatar

That's great--I might not have time, but I'll have to see if I can make a sign with that on it for tomorrow!

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Kimberly Swanson's avatar

My conservative Republican brother had a protest sign that said that in Kentucky several months ago, but it can’t be the only one. He is going to 2 protests in Kentucky tomorrow- SO proud of him!

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JoAnne Gatti-Petito's avatar

One of my signs for tomorrow says:

We the people

No Kings

More Drag Queens.

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Robert's avatar

Yes, indeed!

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Bill's avatar

Our sign for tomorrow: Image of The Hulk and a stupid look on trump's face and the letters: "You won't like us when we're angry" plus an inflatible trump baby in diapers where I spray-painted a poopie stain on his diaper.

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Marlene Lerner-Bigley (CA)'s avatar

LOVE IT!

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Amy Cain's avatar

Drag Queens in FULL Regalia! I support all LGBTQUIA+!!!!!!!

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John Townsend's avatar

More high heels,

no Republican heels!

More pumps,

No Trumps!

More glamour,

no dictator's hammer!

More boa trains,

No Trump's shit-for-brains!

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Susan E Keezer's avatar

Jo-Anne:

To complete this suite-sweet:

Fewer Jack-asses?

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Erik Bruun's avatar

Unlike Speaker Johnson, I and everyone I know who plans to protest tomorrow is opposed to fascism. Or in other words, anti-fascist, which is what antifa means.

Johnson made it clear yesterday that the Republican Party defends the values of fascism.

The stakes cannot be more clear cut.

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Wis's avatar

Erik: spot on! If you aren’t anti-fascism, you’re pro-fascism or impossibly apathetic. Let’s all march and chant and be seen and heard tomorrow!! No kings or cruel, petty little orange wanna-be dictators!

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CARLA M LA ROSA's avatar

I don't understand why the media repeats the word "Antifa" without ever saying that it stands for anti-fascist. Trump declared "Antifa" a terrorist organization, and dimwitted MAGAts have no clue what the word even means.

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Marmo's avatar

You are so right, Carla M La Rosa. Antifa is not an organization at all - it's an IDEA - it's a principle.

I guess that an idea or a principle could be very scary to somebody who has never formed one.

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Wis's avatar
17hEdited

I know that when I asked what "antifa" meant after first hearing the word, and I heard the answer, I was totally nonplussed. I remember asking, "Aren't all Americans "antifa"?"

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

Dear Wis, Surprise!

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Dan Starr's avatar

Yeah, I can’t imagine why media companies who’ve been paying bribes—I mean, settling lawsuits—with Orange Baal don’t want the American people to know what “antifa” means…. /s

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Harvey Perry's avatar

He is also defending the values of pedophilia.

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Laurie's avatar

The fact that Donnie is trying SO HARD to quash the Epstein Files must mean whatever he did to be mentioned in them must be even more disgusting, hideous and debauched than any of us might be imagining. He was sick as a young man and is sick as an old man. He's fighting for his life via every means at his disposal, throwing shade on every person who might be a threat, because he knows that even his fan club would be horrified enough to force him out of office and into jail -- or a mental institution -- when the truth is made known. His recent ramp-ups are worse and worse as he is more and more scared his sick past will be revealed. Amendment 25 would actually do him a favor.

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Susan Stone's avatar

From what I understand, trump participated in Epstein's parties. If nothing else, remember how sexy he thought Ivanka was when she was just a baby. That should tell you something.

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Cathy Wampler's avatar

Yes, he is so creepy. That’s why I don’t understand how his supporters cannot see it. It’s as though they are blind.

Yet, I remember once seeing a man in a restaurant wearing a T-shirt that said, “I Voted For The Felon.” So, maybe they do see. They just embrace evil.

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Susan Stone's avatar

Cathy, I think a lot of his supporters, probably the majority, are blind. A few can see, and if even MTG can see, there might be a little hope.

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John Townsend's avatar

It tells me too much......

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Susan Stone's avatar

I'm sorry about that. It's just what I know, and if it makes you feel sick, you must be a "normal" human being.

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Kimberly Swanson's avatar

Ewwwwww

Which begs the question: Melania?????

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Susan Stone's avatar

I'm not sure I understand what your question about Melania is. Please explain.

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Kimberly Swanson's avatar

He is a pervert. He bragged about grabbing women by their p******. He’s cheated on her. He talks about how sexy he thinks his daughter Ivanka is. He is creepy. And she says nothing. Must be a hell of a pre-nip.

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Harvey Perry's avatar

Read the 7/25/25 post on the Kate Mann Substack. She teaches at Cornell. Google her to assess her credibility. The post includes a transcript of a sworn deposition by a woman who was raped at Epstein’s house when she was thirteen. The deposition has credibility because of what we have learned since about the Epstein/Maxwell operation.

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Patricia Lake's avatar

Well said. And we all know where those sharpened stakes belong - in the hearts of these vampires!!!!

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Charles Wagner's avatar

What is wrong with blunt stakes?

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Diane J's avatar

Blunt stakes take too long to push in and leave bigger holes so more toxic blood gets out.

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John Townsend's avatar

Make those sharpened stakes out of silver and coat them with aioli sauce, just to be absolutely sure. Doubly sure, make those stakes into a crucifix!

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Erik Bruun's avatar

Well said Ms. Lake

About a sharpened stake!

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Patricia Buescher's avatar

The voices in little Mikey’s head are loud enough for all to hear. 😱

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Jennifer Hill's avatar

The noive!

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Steve Beckwith's avatar

I tell ya.

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Robot Bender's avatar

Nyuk nyuk nyuk!

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Judy Shaffer's avatar

Not surprised to learn the Speaker is against freedom of assembly - he's doing all he can to keep the House from assembling together.

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Leslie's avatar

Hate to say it but my first thought after hearing about another No Kings march made me fearful of his Militia capitalizing on another opportunity to attack US citizens for peacefully demonstrating.

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Wis's avatar

Trump counts on that fear. We have the numbers though: protest as best you can, however you can, Leslie! 💪💕

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Amy Cain's avatar

Thanks for reassuring Leslie!

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Betsy Groth's avatar

We CANNOT live in fear, Leslie. Then the fascists have won. The weasel, liar and traitor Johnson is trying to whiz up MAGA so there will be violence. The psychopath in the WH commanded him to do so.

Just chant louder.

And if local and national media are feeding into it, out them.

The last protest rally I attended in Hartford, Ct. Was extremely well attended, but drone images were printed and posted showed very few ( probably before and after the rally started or ended). This is disinformation.

Be alert.

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Mirla G. Raz's avatar

When good people remain silent, the evil people win.

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Amy Cain's avatar

Thanks Betsy for your reassurance!!

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misia.d's avatar

Yes, although Portland’s costumed protesters help define the lack of dangerous intent! It’s hard to hit and run in those outfits!

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Betsy Groth's avatar

Those frogs are so scary…

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Jean M Mazza's avatar

Me too.

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John Townsend's avatar

Too many protests tomorrow to get to them all.

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Kathie Cook's avatar

Thanks for the live chat on Saturday. I'll be at our NO KINGS in Sequim, Washington (state) We are a community that is split 50/50 but the momentum is moving towards the side of democracy. Last rally we had 2,000+ people! Amazing for our little rural community on the Olympic Peninsula.

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Sheri Drisac's avatar

Yay for Sequim!!! One of my favorite places to visit during the summer...beautiful lavender fields, Olympic Mts!!! Sending love your way!!! 💜

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Kathie Cook's avatar

Thanks Sheri

This is my piece of heaven. Glad you've been here to see for yourself.

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Wis's avatar

I can see Johnson doing this! I remember when I was pretty young and bush and Dukakis were debating (I think it was those two). Bush accused Dukakis of being a “card-carrying member of the ACLU” as though it were akin to being in chairman mao’s inner circle. I recall my parents blinking at the tv set, not sure that they heard right. Then they turned to me and said that this was a *good* thing, not a bad thing like bush was framing it. They said that The ACLU is about protecting the American citizens’ civil and first amendment rights and liberties, nothing else.

…That’s why I can see Johnson actually doing this. This is how far down we’ve gone.

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Lee Hodo's avatar

It’s fascinating to me how MAGA takes their own behavior (thuggish, radical, violent) and projects it on to liberals. They’ve been successful at this for years.

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Marmo's avatar

That, Lee Hodo, is one of Dump's greatest skills - He blames others for the crimes that he is committing (and they are not). It's a lose/lose for the other side because once they defend themselves, the attention shifts to them while Dump goes on committing crimes of which he loudy accuse others.

He learned that from Roy Cohn, along with "Deny Deny Deny" and "Never admit to making a mistake." It's a grown-up way of saying: "I'm rubber and you're glue - whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you" - except that childhood taunt was about name-calling, not about actual crimes committed.

It does feel like we're stuck on a 2nd grade playground.

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nacreplus2's avatar

This becomes clearer by the day, so I wonder...WAS THAT EARLY PIZZAGATE CONSPIRACY LIE ACTUALLY ADVANCE COVER FOR TRUMP??? It got the idea out among millions of people that the Democrats were a bunch of pedophiles and child traffickers. Who started the idea?

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Cathy Wampler's avatar

Yes, Trump projecting his crimes onto others.

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Lee Hodo's avatar

Unfortunately for us, that makes perfect sense. I just wish some clever Dem could find a way to counter. Do you think anyone is close to finding that response...maybe Newsom?

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Jan Fabiyi's avatar

And counter those remarks every. single. time. they say these hideous lies.

We need to be as loud and out there are them.

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Marmo's avatar

The problem, Lee Hodo, is that we're talking about somebody deflecting attention from his crimes by blaming those crimes on innocent people.

When a Dem commits a crime, fellow Dems turn against him, as they should - and as Repubs used to do to their own criminals. Dems shouldn't commit crimes, but we do need to find a way to turn attention back to the actual criminals.

I love what Newsom has been doing. And Repugs have the NERVE to call it childish when it's not close to as childish as what their own leader does. Some Dems don't like it because it's rude - it's beneath us. But, I think that if we don't get down into the slime where the MAGAs live, then we won't be able to fight them. Voters put us here. If they want to vote for rude, immature conduct, then give it to them, along with a dose of reality.

Sadly, "When they go low, we go high" no longer works. Dems must adopt a "When they go low, we step on them" attitude. Harris ran a campaign of joy and Dump ran a campaign of anger. Shockingly, anger won. So, respond puerile jokes with puerile jokes, and get angry about people spreading lies and false accusations. Call lies what they are: Lies. Don't be polite about it, and tell people that they should be angry at those who lie to them. And, PLEASE, Dems: Stop Apologizing for everything!

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Sheri Drisac's avatar

OK, here's the thing...Let's go back to your first statement:

"we're talking about somebody deflecting attention from his crimes by blaming those crimes on innocent people."

This is *exactly* what tRump+magas did with regards to voting. He accused Dems of "stealing" votes. He threw doubt on the accuracy of voting machines. He said that mail-in ballots were false/fraudulent.

In your last paragraph you infer that tRump "won" the election, that "Shockingly, anger won." But, there is evidence that tRump/magas manipulated the technology of voting machines in swing states*. So actually tRump "stole" the vote. "Anger" did not legitimately "win"!

I belive that "Joy" did, indeed, win!!! And I believe you/we are going see that in action tomorrow!!! There are millions more of us Joyful people than there are Angry people!!!

*I live in NV, a swing state, and it made zero realistic sense that tRump "won" here, when down ballot votes went to Democrat Senator Jackie Rosen.

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Marmo's avatar

Sheri Drisac, I don't dispute that Dump stole the last election. I think that it was proven that he got millions fewer votes, but he got the necessary number of Electoral College votes, which is the only way that a Repub has become Pres in my recent recolletion. That means that not enough People voted Dem that there was no way for districting to create a Repub win.

It's likely that Dump did not even win the EC the second time. But, I heard a shocking number of people say that they were voting for him - because of the same fake promises that he made and didn't deliver on the first time added to their support for the poor "underdog" who is mistreated by The Powerful, plus they wanted revenge on the people who they thought were ignoring them, plus all the deranged threats he was making were just jokes (as if he had a sense of humor). And there were those voted for the star of "The Apprentice" - they don't believe that he's often filed for bankruptcy because he played a success on TV. And ther are the Evangelicals who think that Dump is going to send them to Paradise faster. So, there were enough People who voted for Dump that he could have gotten the EC votes. I recall that bags of unopened mail-in ballots were found in trash bins in some Dem districts, but those stories (with pictures) were never followed up.

So, I believe that anger won.

It's warped and I all I can think is that People must be bored, or they must be part brain-dead from too much interaction through screens and not enough interaction with other living things.

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Sheri Drisac's avatar

Well, regardless, tRump would not be sitting in the Oval Office now if he & his maga minons hadn't cheated the system.

I hope tomorrow's turnout of joyful people will lift your spirits and reaffirm that there *are* more generous-spirited, kind-hearted, compassionate, open-minded, all-inclusive, positive people in this country, than the number of prejudiced, mean-spirited, spiteful, selfish, greedy, angry ones.

☮Peace✌ & 💙Love💛

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Cathy Wampler's avatar

“Harris ran a campaign of joy and Dump ran a campaign of anger. Shockingly, anger won.”

Yes, I don’t understand this.

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John Townsend's avatar

God, I hope so!

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Susan von Beethoven's avatar

Lee Hodo: as a true Fat-Orange-Pig-Felon Trump Hater, and as a true-blue Democrat, I do believe that the Democrats in power have lost their way. I don’t like to believe it, but I fear for my fellow Democrats, they are just floundering aimlessly along.

Slowly sinking. Clueless as to knowing how to stop the Republican carnage. I fear for our country.

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Yvette Nachmias-Baeu's avatar

Our United States is being run by thugs and criminals...It is getting hard to bare. I have no idea how we can stop this....but we must.

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andrea sobel's avatar

And don't forget grifters.

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Marc Panaye's avatar

Little M. Johnson, the man who hates America.

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Steve Benko's avatar

Wrong again, Mike. Of course they meant it literally, but also selectively. You wouldn't want hate speech and racism shut down, now, would you?

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Susan Mongar's avatar

Once again, Andy, you kill at the end!!!

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