New Poll Reveals Trump Less Popular Than Explosive Diarrhea
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In alarming news for Republicans heading into the midterm elections, a new poll released on Monday revealed that Donald J. Trump is less popular than explosive diarrhea.
By a margin of two to one, likely voters said that they would rather suffer two years of the acute gastrointestinal ailment than the remainder of Trump’s term.
According to polling experts, this marks the first time a president of the United States has been outperformed by a food-borne parasite.
At the White House, press secretary Karoline Leavitt dismissed the poll, declaring, “Not only is President Trump as popular as explosive diarrhea, to millions of Americans he is synonymous with it.”
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Diarrhea 2028
You ever notice how Donald Trump and diarrhea have a lot in common? Think about it. They both show up unexpectedly, create chaos wherever they go, and leave everyone asking, "How long is this going to last?"
And the cleanup is always expensive. One has you buying extra toilet paper; the other has lawyers writing overtime invoices.
The biggest difference? With diarrhea, at least eventually your stomach settles down and life gets back to normal. With Trump, every morning you wake up, check the news, and wonder, "What happened overnight?"
Some people say history repeats itself. In this case, it feels more like a recurring stomach bug.