Only Remaining Musical Act in Trump’s DC Concert is Marco Rubio Playing Kazoo

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WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a last-ditch move to salvage his “US Freedom 250” concert, Donald J. Trump announced on Monday that the only remaining musical act will be Secretary of State Marco Rubio playing a kazoo.

“Quite frankly, we don’t need no-talent losers like the Commodores,” Trump posted on Truth Social. “We have Little Marco playing his Little Kazoo!”

According to sources, Rubio is taking his new assignment extremely seriously, spending hours practicing the kazoo in the Situation Room.

In an official statement, Rubio declared, “I am honored to blow anything President Trump asks me to.”

TBR Question of the Day: What other musical acts will Trump recruit from his clown car? Leave your suggestions in the comment section below:

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Leaked Excerpts from JD Vance’s Upcoming Book on Catholicism

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TBR EXCLUSIVE: In the journalistic coup of the year, The Borowitz Report has obtained a leaked copy of JD Vance’s much-anticipated book about his conversion to the Catholic faith.

Peek into the mind of a man who believes he understands Catholicism way better than the Pope by reading excerpts here.