318 Comments
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Sarah McAuliffe-Bellin's avatar

Thanks for a good laugh to start off the day. The thought of Taco Belle’s butt enhancing the value of anything gave me an image that might be hard to shake but I can persevere!

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Patti's avatar

Please help me unsee this.

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Sarah McAuliffe-Bellin's avatar

Yeah. The size of an elephant’s backend. And I’d take an elephant’s backend any day over this serial abuser of power.

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John Townsend's avatar

Zen koans: Do Tesla seats have extra padding. If not will the seats

ever rise again?

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Michael L Flynn's avatar

Not to mention the excessive damage to the springs and shocks.

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Patti's avatar

A new joint opened in Florence a few weeks ago. It’s call Tosco Tacos. Proprietor has great experience in food that is not Italian. Supposed to lunch there with a friend after a grind in the Uffizi. I will not be wearing my TBR cap, and I might have to re-think my lunching experience and go somewhere else. F!

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John Townsend's avatar

-and their newest Trump-inspired dish: Tacos Bimbosas! Also try:

Hegseth Huevos Rancheros, spicy but doesn't know what to do with it!

The Vance sofa-shaped burrito! Also, the Melania Mole, not made with traditional ingredients, who who cares? For dessert? The Stephen Miller crayon-infused flan!

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Frau Katze's avatar

lol 😺

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Sarah McAuliffe-Bellin's avatar

Hmm. Please report back

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Kate Decker's avatar

:-) !!

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Paulette Edelson's avatar

Where did you get a TBR cap? I so need one.

Paulette

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Patti's avatar

That would precisely be my point, Paulette. I ain’t got one.

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John's avatar

Wait, there's TBR merch?

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Patti's avatar

No, John, there is not. Andy is a lazy slut. (A variation on SNL: Jane was merely an ignorant slut.At least, that’s what I think CC called her.) Goading you into action, AB. We Borowitzers want our baseball caps.

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John Townsend's avatar

If Andy is a lazy slut, at least we can hope he is having fun with it!

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John's avatar

Hmm, technically, isn't "lazy slut" an oxymoron? I mean, you have to be keeping pretty busy to earn the slut title. In fact, we need Andy to become kind of a merch slut, no? Or would that be us because we'd buy it? Just call me an ignorant pedant.

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

John, one of my favorite English professors had fun with puns, but used them judiciously. He was wonderful in all ways. You remind me of a silly one that I can never tire of:

What is the definition of "oxymoron?"

What?

A berserk cow.

[(drumroll) Silliness reigns.]

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

Trophie's yours today, love

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

Thank you, Suzanne. My late, witty, beloved and respected Professor Miller would grin.

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

OK You're an ignorant pedant

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

But seriously, Patti, why do I think I saw something a while back about TBR merch? Could it have been real or just too much ketamine?

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

Help me! Never have I spoken the word "merch" and just above is the first I've put it on paper, so to speak. My unblemished record is now officially soiled. Or maybe I'm one of the kids now.

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Maria Jette's avatar

L. R. --If the OED can hold its nose and acknowledge "merch," you can feel OK (or O.K., or okay) about using it, too! https://www.oed.com/dictionary/merch_n?tl=true

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

You've redeemed me, Maria, just like old-timey supermarket trading stamps. I clicked the link and saw that merch was first used in the 1950s. Where have I been?

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Patti's avatar

I still spell catalogue just like that, L.R. You can atone; all is not lost.

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

We must retain the "ue." Civilization is counting on us.

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Patti's avatar

We all want baseball caps. A recurring motif, L.R.

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Maria Jette's avatar

Speak for yourselves! I want a beanie with a propeller on top.

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Susan Barnes's avatar

I think there should be merch--hats, shirts, beach towels

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bruce schneider's avatar

Try Lo Sperone Calcaneare just down the street. Great pasta and a long-time favorite with Borowitz fans. Also unlimited diet soda.

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Patti's avatar

Thanks! I make great pasta myself (said modestly) so rarely order it out. A good taco? It’s been years. If you want good food in Italy that’s not Italian, you more or less have to make it yourself. (Btw: I am on Substack where I continue not to publish on food & art.)

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Barbara Greer's avatar

And the cap better just say TBR. Anything more would require wrapping the name around. I want people to just ask me what it means and I don't want them circling me to find out.

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Patti's avatar

Assolutamente!

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Sheila's avatar

But he only weighs 260 lbs!!

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Annette's avatar

I know! I just finished breakfast and its not going down easy now!

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John Townsend's avatar

Too late!

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Gjay15's avatar

I reluctantly gave you a “ like “ . Your comment was witty and spot on. However ( noting an avoidance of another word) thanks a lot for that $&@! Image.

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Annette's avatar

lolol

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Mary Roeser's avatar

Hard to get that image out of your mind, isn't it?

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

Sarah, you take that back right now! You conjured an image that is making my eyes dissolve -- a nasty butt that touched a car seat went on to shake? What have I ever done to you?

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Patti's avatar

This thread causes me to snort with great joy.

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

Handkerchief, Patti?

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Sarah McAuliffe-Bellin's avatar

My apologies everyone! But I’d much prefer an elephant’s backend’s view to what we’ve endured when he pretends to play tennis

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Maria Jette's avatar

Tennis? I thought that image was from his ballet career.

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Sarah McAuliffe-Bellin's avatar

Actually I blame karoline leave it to beaver for starting us down this filthy road.

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

Now you've done it, Sarah. You make a good point, but wouldn't it be more effective to send him pics of what's going on fore and aft? Don't take it out on us. Please.

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Sarah McAuliffe-Bellin's avatar

Ok ok. No more possible imagery. But as far as I know , ain’t nothing going on fore. Ask Stormy😅

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

Thank you, Good Sarah. As a matter of fact, I had lunch with Stormy a few weeks ago and she stuck to her story. Melania left a VM just yesterday and assured me that, as with everything else, she really doesn't care.

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Joe C's avatar

We are living in the Twilight Zone because this is a totally believable story.

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Babydoc's avatar

I keep waiting for the Twilight Zone music, so that I would know that we are waking up from this nightmare. Rod Serling would have a field day with the story of TACO Trump, sprayed on Dorito makeup and all.

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Al Keim's avatar

You're travelling through another reality, a fantastical collection of lies and corruption, a journey so perilous it staggers the imagination. That's a signpost up ahead- your next stop, the White House.

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Annette's avatar

insert image of Munch's Scream here

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Al Keim's avatar

That and Octavia's tune could ruin anyone's afternoon.

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Gerry Boyce's avatar

I hear the music.

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Octavia Redwood's avatar

I can hear the Manhattan Transfer in my mind right now

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Al Keim's avatar

Hum a few bars:-)

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Octavia Redwood's avatar

"Here in the Twi-light-Twilight Zone....." from back in the 80's.

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Jan Fabiyi's avatar

In the Mywhite Zone.

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Catherine Alvarez's avatar

Awesome 👍

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Roberta Ransley-Matteau's avatar

Ever since this administration started I have felt I was living in Twilight Zone episodes, one after the other.

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Mike Fitch's avatar

To me, it has felt like a continuous stream of rejected Saturday Night Live skits.

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John Townsend's avatar

If only we could be like Bill Mumy's character and blink away Trump and company "into the cornfield".

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Michael L Flynn's avatar

Or turn Stephen Miller into a jack-in-the-box.

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Candy Cuthbert's avatar

Thanks for the laugh, Andy! I’d say anything he touches immediately loses value.

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Chris Edwards's avatar

Trump loves Tesler! Everything’s computer!

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Sandra Hardie's avatar

I want to see T actually drive that thing. Would he even be able to get it started? And does it have a gear shift? If it starts in drive, there is going to be one hell of a hole dug in the grass. I'd watch that film all day long.

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Susan Stone's avatar

Does he even know how to drive? I'd stay far away from anything he does in that car.

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Phil M.'s avatar

T. Chump could easily drive that thing. Since it is self-driving and as long as he doesn't touch those pedals or that steering wheel thing.

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Figment Of Imagination's avatar

Steering wheel? That’s an old-fashioned word. Steering wheel. I just invented that.

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misia.d's avatar

Thanks! All wheels are pretty great!

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Annette's avatar

let's hope this one was built on a Monday or Friday and is filled with glitches

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misia.d's avatar

Let’s see him try to recharge the sucker.

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Stan Duffner's avatar

It's all computers

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Al Keim's avatar

Reminds me of the internets guy:-)

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MLK's avatar

Does the Tesler come with a powerful deodorizer to remove the Dump smell? If not, the Qataris seriously overpaid.

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Bradford W.'s avatar

They'll need to get it thoroughly checked. Judging from the picture, it appears that the gas bag is already deployed.

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BTAM Master's avatar

I believe a car containing a gas bag and Trump is the definition of redundant.

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Al Keim's avatar

Belt and suspenders of law.

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Barbara Longbrook's avatar

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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John Townsend's avatar

Gas bag in, gas bag out!

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Annette's avatar

<golf clap>

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Alan's avatar
Jun 9Edited

To sweeten the deal, the Qataris threw in a McD's food truck so he could maintain his "healthy" diet 24/7 and get exercise flipping "hamburders".

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Kate Decker's avatar

Been wondering: Is there hidden significance in the term "Mc DONALDS" -- just asking...

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Alan's avatar

Kate -- based on the definition of Mc (son of), McDonalds refers to Don, Jr., Eric and Barron. 😉

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Michael L Flynn's avatar

I knew there was another reason why I never eat there. The first reason is because I got food poisoning from a Big Mac in 1990 that had probably been sitting under the warming lights since 1986.

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John Townsend's avatar

What? No Taco Bell truck, too!

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Alan's avatar

The TACO Bell truck was out of gas🤔

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Annette's avatar

I heard the McD's food truck also has a Diet Coke dispenser . . . let's load that bass turd up with all sorts of chemicals.

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Susan Sterner's avatar

He already wears chemicals on his face and hair.

What’s a few more going down into his nasty, slimy gut.

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John Townsend's avatar

For all we know, those chemicals might preserve him forever. Aaah!

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Celia Smith's avatar

Don't even think that, John!

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Robert E.'s avatar

But once Cheese It was BIG behind the wheel McDonald's declined his Supersize Me request.

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Barbara Greer's avatar

It's hamberders, Alan. I can tell you don't really love our lord and savior.

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Alan's avatar

Barbara -- my typo reflects the difficulty the Flipper-in-Chief has understanding the strategic importance of the EU 😉

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felice's avatar

I thought his go-to was Burger King and Coca-Cola

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Carole Weintraub's avatar

They may have paid him in Confederate currency. I have to check.

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Robert E.'s avatar

He is a known commodity at the corner Traitor Joe's.

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Kate Decker's avatar

Traitor Joe's :-) !!

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Kate Decker's avatar

Confederate Crypto, you say? :-)

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Al Keim's avatar

Synominomous.

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Mary Roeser's avatar

I was thinking Monopoly money.

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Peaceful Mary T.'s avatar

LOL! Made my morning!!

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Suzi Harkey's avatar

Absolutely! Same here!

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Nicole Barenbaum's avatar

He thinks the deal was even better because "everything's computer" and he couldn't figure out how to turn it on!

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B Rigley's avatar

You’re giving the Qataris some ideas, be careful.

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Al Keim's avatar

They could slice and dice the car into 70 million pieces, encase each in plastic and sell them to the suckers who voted for him at ten bucks a pop.

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Joseph M Becker's avatar

Would the suckers be paying ’10 bucks a pop’ for plastic-encased residue, or were they paid ’10 bucks a pop’ to vote for Trump?

As an aside, if Stormy Daniels were to gain admission to the WH, Trump might not be trying to screw the country. Then again, he could not get it up for the former, but has not found it hard to do the latter. [Pun intended.]

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Annette's avatar

I can honestly see that happening, with a premium price for pieces of the seat tRump sat on.

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Al Keim's avatar

Premium up the whazoo!

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Annette's avatar

lol

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Aleksander Constantinoropolous's avatar

The modern alchemy: turn one grifter’s chair-fart into “value,” one banana republic’s coin into “currency,” and call it a deal.

Empires used to trade gold and silk. Now they trade seat residue and shitcoins. How far we’ve ascended.

Virgin Monk Boy

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

Alek, an aside. Long ago I worked with a man whose Greek surname came to seven syllables. You may be only the second person I've encountered with that distinction.

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Aleksander Constantinoropolous's avatar

A rare club indeed! Seven syllables—the proper length for a surname and a Zen koan.

Half the world stumbles trying to pronounce it. The other half wisely bows and lets the syllables flow past like a river.

— Virgin Monk Boy

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

I take pride in being able to pronounce both of your names and feel the flow. A problem arose farther upscreen (down?) when I first saw "Zen koan." No idea why, but I kept reading it as "Ken zoan."

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Aleksander Constantinoropolous's avatar

That is the proper way, friend. Let the tongue trip, let the mind giggle, let the heart bow. Whether Zen koan or Ken Zoan, both will leave you wondering in the end.

Besides, most koans sound like mistranslations anyway. You are already halfway to enlightenment.

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

I may be past the half-way mark. Italian names don't ruffle me in the least. Oh, I love names, sorta collect them without writing them down or researching. It's just the variety of names in the world that makes me happy. As to Italian, I've stunned some people with the most impossible-seeming names by pronouncing them right off. One man's eyes widened. He got it when I told him that if a Jewish girl growing up in such-and-such neighborhood could not pronounce properly, no one could. By chance, I met another man of the same name about a year later. He, too, was surprised. Turned out they were brothers. I seem headed toward babbling now, so I'll sign off with a goodnight wish.

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Sean M Carlin's avatar

For another dollar they can have Diaper Don and his Cabinet.

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Annette's avatar

I think they already have them, for the "gift" of a plane

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Mary Roeser's avatar

Dollar?? That's overpricing!! In fact, it's price-gouging!! The whole of this kakistocracy, and that includes the entire GQP/MAGAT cult, isn't worth 1 red (or for that matter, any other color) cent.

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Barbara Greer's avatar

The red cents are from Russia, Russia, Russia. Keep your payoffs straight.

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Mary Roeser's avatar

True enough. But who's to say the Russians aren't at least somewhat involved in this? And do remember that the late, lamented penny is referred to as a "red cent".

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Christina Ansari's avatar

I would have thought that you'd rather pay a few dollars for the Qataris to take them to Qatar.

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Peg Bozarth's avatar

Too believable!

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Linda's avatar

Just like when he sells a unit in Trump tower for 100 times more than it's worth

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Thomas Thoman's avatar

low miles, good deal. We always make good deals.

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Larry Caringer's avatar

I’m shocked! I thought Trump loved “Tesler!”

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Christina Ansari's avatar

Felon Trump only loves himself.

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