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Andy Borowitz's avatar

Who’s watching ABC at 11:30 tonight?

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Marmo's avatar
4hEdited

I don't usually watch Kimmel, but I'm going to tonight and might continue.

Dump increased Colbert's viewers and got him an Emmy.

Kimmel might thank Dump for the publicity - this could be the best thing for Kimmel. I just hope he can stay on the air and continue to tell the truth.

Bondi hasn't made the truth illegal yet, has she? I know her lord and master is trying, but I don't think that's happened y et.

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It's Come To This's avatar

Dump is the world’s stupidest asshole. How Putin manages to get up every morning without asphyxiating from laughter is beyond me.

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BJ's avatar

Easy to do when the United State Potus likely is likely feeding you secret information all day, l every day.

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John Townsend's avatar

--which might just be another stream of deep, brown B.S.!

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Rick Renardson's avatar

Huh?

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Kristine's avatar

Because Putin is the second stupidest asshole.

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Candace M.'s avatar

Putin on the Ritz is too busy counting his rubles and counting the ways he's dooping his Useful Eejit. He might also be keeping track of the future MAGA votes he's going to deliver.

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John Townsend's avatar

--and then his exit plan to Dubai, where Trump will join him after 2028!

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Candace M.'s avatar

Exacto mundo.

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John Townsend's avatar

Forget Putin! How do we manage to get up every morning without any any anxiety at all!

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Betty Miller's avatar

That’s what I want to know!! I’m just trying to keep my blood pressure under control!!

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

Protractor? Compass? How does one measure such a thing?

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JeffJ's avatar

I just hope Jimmy hasn’t declared two of his homes to be his primary residence.

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John Townsend's avatar

I hope Jimmy sends Guillermo to hide his documents somewhere safer than the bathroom!

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KHKate's avatar

I'm happier than hell that ICE didn't try to arrest him despite him being a US citizen.

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John Townsend's avatar

Bouncing Blonde Bondi hasn't made her decrees, yet.

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Anita Nirenberg's avatar

How could I not?

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Tricia Wilson's avatar

I’ll make myself stay up. It’s on the schedule. We’ll see if it’s broadcast here.

Meanwhile…

What a pig’s breakfast of an address to the UN. The most abusive, absurd, inarticulate, vitriolic weave ever - for the world to endure! OMG. Everyday I have to wonder what horror he and his posse will perpetrate, and how will he embarrass the nation. Barf.

I think Pepto-Bismol flies off the shelves at CVS even faster than Tylenol.

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It's Come To This's avatar

Donnie Diarrhea waddled to the podium and spewed all over Planet Earth.

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Joanne Elizabeth Schulze's avatar

Baffles the mind that he continues to pull the apron strings, here and globally. I'm at a loss.

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Karen c Fletcher's avatar

Once an arse, always an arse tRUM

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Pam King's avatar

Not me. My Sinclair owned ABC affiliate won’t air it.

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ASBermant's avatar

Step 1: Take a few minutes and watch your Sinclair-owned ABC channel.

Step 2: Write down who are the advertisers

Step 3: Call or email the advertisers and let them know you will not purchase their products if they support a company the restricts free speech.

Step 4: Extra Credit - share your list with friends and neighbors and ask them to also call these advertisers.

Jimmy Kimmel just proved that the little things we do can make a BIG difference.

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Pam King's avatar

Fortunately I don’t have to do that. Plenty of area folks have already provided those lists and we’re on top of that. Good advice for any area in a similar situation.

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LYNN COOK's avatar

👏👏 Great idea !

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Kandy Brown's avatar

You are right! When money talks......IT TENDS TO SPEAK LOUDLY!

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John Townsend's avatar

When money talks, it SCREAMS!

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Wendy Tucker's avatar

I just wrote almost the same thing....before I read your very very eloquent comment. Thank you!

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ASBermant's avatar

Great minds think alike!😀 We're gonna get through this and build a better and stronger democratic republic. In fact, Sen. Adam Schiff just reintroduced his Protecting Our Democracy Act:

https://www.schiff.senate.gov/news/press-releases/news-sen-schiff-reintroduces-his-landmark-proposal-to-protect-democracy-close-legal-loopholes-enabling-widespread-abuses-of-presidential-power/

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Rebecca MacGregor's avatar

Thank you for this, ASBermant. Senator Schiff is a mensch.

I would like Andy to start an anti-Quisling List/Profile of great Americans, not only politicians, who are activists against Trump's Evil Empire.

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ASBermant's avatar

Great idea! Let's go, Andy!

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Wendy S Morris's avatar

I think our ABC channel is going to air Jimmy, which of course we will watch, but even if it does will someone list the advertisers on the Sinclair-Owned ABC channels

- I would like to email them that I will not be buying their products!

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Susan Jordan's avatar

I've set my recorder so I can find the advertisers tomorrow and zip through the news show that's on at 11:30.

Thanks for the recommendation!

I already emailed Sinclair and our ABC affiliate.

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Joanne Elizabeth Schulze's avatar

Yep--money talks!

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Patricia Buescher's avatar

That is my plan.

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John Townsend's avatar

Great advice!

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Oaktown's avatar

You can watch his monologue on YouTube. F*ck Sinclair. So sorry. Hope your locale can develop some online local reporters.

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Judith Richards's avatar

Exactly!

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Ralph Schuetz's avatar

I left a nasty message for Sinclair on their web site asking what they had against freedom of speech, and a voice mail for WJLA here in Washington. I hope and expect someone somewhere will post a snippet of two tomorrow..

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lougee's avatar

the next knock on your door is the secret service

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Steve Muratore's avatar

If Ralph didn't make any threats against Sinclair, the secret service likely will not care. Given the numbers (330 million American households, most of which have televisions) I doubt the secret service could get to all of them. ❤️😉🦉✊

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lougee's avatar

he wrote “nasty note”it could be considered threatening

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Steve Muratore's avatar

meh...

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Joanne Elizabeth Schulze's avatar

I'm home. . .

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John Townsend's avatar

We won't be home!

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John Townsend's avatar

I sent lengthy e-mails to ABC, Nexstar, and Sinclair. One approximate phrase used, "It can be imagined, that like Charlie Kirk, the leadership of your companies will enjoy the same deep, fiery warmth as he."

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Abigail Norling's avatar

Same here Pam, but it will be on youtube tomorrow! Take heart!

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Pam King's avatar

I’ve boycotted that affiliate for years anyway and catch up the next day with what matters like you suggested. Sinclair wants an apology and payment. Don’t cave, Jimmy!

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Lee Hodo's avatar

It's actually on YouTube right away.

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Marmo's avatar
4hEdited

I hadn't thought of that, Pam King. I wonder if I'll get Kimmel. I'm certainly going to check.

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Steve Muratore's avatar

Do what I will do, watch it in the morning on Hulu.

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Kandy Brown's avatar

SMART!!!!!

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Wendy Tucker's avatar

Find out which advertisers have contracts with Sinclair. Write to them. Tell them you are no longer a customer. Do the same with the companies. Yeah, it DOES take time. You might not get a response. You might think it won't make a difference. But it does. When sales are down, companies get worried and pissed that their ads aren't generating biz. And maybe they should advertise elsewhere? Sinclair is a disgrace. A wussy and spineless disgrace.

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William R MEYER's avatar

Catch him on YouTube.

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It's Come To This's avatar

Not in Washington DC…

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Lorraine Duvall's avatar

Same here.

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John Townsend's avatar

A Super-Duper Hex on Sinclair!

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Pam Birkenfeld's avatar

Turns out that it’s on in my area at the same time as Colbert! Maybe ABC planned it that way. But lucky for me I can record both shows at the same time!

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Abigail Norling's avatar

The carrier here is not showing it :-/ But I'll be on youtube tomorrow watching it!

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Cindy  Battie's avatar

Hulu +live stream has it too

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Ray Heberer III's avatar

What time is that on the Pacific coast?

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Susan Stone's avatar

Check your TV schedule. Trump's comment is irrelevant. I'm in the mountain time zone, and Kimmel is on at 11:35 tonight.

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Susie's avatar

Exactly. Delayed/taped showing at the “same” time.

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Michelle R's avatar

8:30pm Pacific time

edit: as Susan mentioned, check you local TV schedule; I replied too quickly with simple PT to ET time translation; The showtime is adjust for different time zones; it is on at 11:35pm for the west coast, SF Bay area.

You can also watch on youtube, or streaming.

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Susan Stone's avatar

No. Check your TV schedule. At least for mountain time it's on at 11:35 PM. I'm guessing it would be the same for pacific time.

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Michelle R's avatar

Thank you for the correction -- I was just about to edit my reply.

It does depend on stream vs broadcast, and on the west coast SF bay area, it is being aired at 11:35pm.

I plan to watch/record the broadcast, and watch it on you tube :-)

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Susan Stone's avatar

You are welcome, Michelle. I grew up in Santa Monica, so I know that late night starts at 11:35, at least in the major cities of the Pacific coast.

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Alan's avatar

Hopefully it’s JAIL time 🙄

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Steve Muratore's avatar

Until January 2025, I lived in Arizona (Mountain STANDARD Time). JKL, I think airs there after the 10pm news. ❤️

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lougee's avatar

11.30

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Judith Richards's avatar

🤣🤣🤣

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Joanie's avatar

I will definitely watch. I hope Kimmel just tells it like it is.

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Leslie Partridge's avatar

It’s Sinclair here, so CBS & Colbert for me. I love Steven, but I’d watch Jimmy tonight in celebration and glee if I could.

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Wendy Tucker's avatar

I rarely watch the late night talk shows (MSNBC and PBS are more interesting). BUT, tonight I certainly will & hope that whatever Kimmel has to say, he says with resolve and determination -- and without any attempts to placate the fat orange despot. Who, by the by, will probably BE watching and is so stupid that he'll do a rant-response. revealing that he did!

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BTAM Master's avatar

We can watch it on YouTube, but Google tells me that does not count in the ratings.

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Roger Alan Voss's avatar

Hehe

I'm almost feeling SORRY for the dumb effer right now.

All he wants is attention, and folks to Bow Down to his " Greatness".

Meanwhile, since he has loyalty to no-one, who's gonna Cry at his Funeral?

Not even his Family, as he only BOUGHT their attention, and throws them under the Bus as well.

Sad, in it's own way.

Poor guy got raised to be a A-hole.

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Jean Nelson's avatar

Me!!! :-D

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Pam Birkenfeld's avatar

Yes, and if everyone does it they will have Super Bowl ratings!

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David Gardiner's avatar

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER.

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Irene Carlyle's avatar

i will try; i live in rural Nevada so dont know which company brings us channel 13 from Vegas...but i'm hoping!

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PTW's avatar

Is that KTNV? You are good to go. They are not a Nexstar or Sinclair station.

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Antoinette S. Hamilton's avatar

I have never watched it before, but I think I will start tonight if I can stay awake that long.

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Sharon P's avatar

recording if you can

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Marmo's avatar

Good idea, Sharon P.

I record Colbert and watch it the next morning - after I've spit coffee all over my computer from reading TBR.

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Lesley Carrell's avatar

Ditto that.

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P J Johnston's avatar

If you have some sort of TiVo you can tape it. I taped a bunch of South Park episodes that were hysterical btw!

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Pam Birkenfeld's avatar

I think it counts if you can use your DVR if you have it because it will automatically tune into it at the proper time. I think that would count.

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Antoinette S. Hamilton's avatar

I will probably stay up. I know I can do it, because I often watch the Daily Show and stay awake for most of it. It is more of a challenge when you are 81. Maybe a nap this afternoon.

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Wonders Why's avatar

I just watch the monologue on youtube because i dont have tv. I like him.

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JustTanNotOrange's avatar

Watch on YouTube - no recording required. Remember to like and subscribe to the Jimmy Kimmel Live YouTube channel, too

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Darrell Eckersley's avatar

However, we currently live in hell, which is called the Trump administration. Anyway, thank you, Andy, for alerting us to his world-wide threat. So let's all watch Kimmel tonight at 11:30 eastern.

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Jon Spangler's avatar

In related news, I was asked if I’d been raptured. I told them I’d declined the invitation to go because I wanted to see the resurrection of Jimmy Kimmel instead…

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Marmo's avatar

😄 Good one, Jon Spangler!

I heard that some people are excited about The Rapture arriving today - again. I say: Welcome. I've never wished so hard for a Judgement Day to arrive.

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John Townsend's avatar

We could all do the Judy Garland number from "Summer Stock" and tap dance our way to heaven!

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Italien's avatar

I demand a haiku!!🥳

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John Townsend's avatar

Be Judy Garland

when Trump is so gone! Shout out,

sing "Hallelujah!"

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Italien's avatar

Yeahhh!!!👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

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HarrisWalz FTW 2024's avatar

Pretty sure if you're asked if you've been raptured, you haven't been. Just for future reference, mind you.

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Charles Hall's avatar

I would rather not be raptured -- the thought of spending eternity with the assholes who think they are bound to be chosen is horrifying - besides - all of my friends are going to hell

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Charles, Charles, Charles -- The assholes to whom you're referring won't be setting foot in heaven because of all their shitty behavior, fear-mongering, divisive hate, and ugliness in general. You think Jesus wants to hang out with THEM??? Oh hell to the NO!!! You can go ahead and get raptured and be MAGAt-free. No worries!

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HarrisWalz FTW 2024's avatar

Do you really think those people are going to heaven? But if all your friends are in hell and that's where you want to be, happy trails.

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Italien's avatar

😂😂😂

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Susie's avatar

Bravo. Well said. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

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T Madsen's avatar

On my knees laughing so hard trying to catch my breath 😂

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Sean M Carlin's avatar

I turned on my television at noon and an orange demented senior citizen and his mail order bride were at the United Nations. MASA make America sane again.

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PTW's avatar

Some respect, Sean! Please address her as the First Hooker.

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John Townsend's avatar

--or The First 'Be Best' Bimbo!

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

If you think of it, PTW, she's the Third Hooker.

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

OMG! Busted a gut!

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PTW's avatar

😁 I do what I can to find some humor during these shitty times.

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Sean M Carlin's avatar

It is the only healthy defense that there is. Borowitz for President!

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

I can dig it.

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Susie's avatar

Chortle snort! 🤣🤣

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John Townsend's avatar

Yes, indeedy!

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Mark Van Stone, Ph.D., G.F.'s avatar

Andy, humor is the most powerful weapon we have against the vile varlets in power, so I salute your continuous barrage!

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Italien's avatar

Hear hear!!

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Larry Caringer's avatar

Whatever that nutcase says, I’m doing the opposite,

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bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

Since Trump's rant ran well over an hour I propose that future UN assemblies institute loud music ala the awards ceremonies, or alternately, a 16 ton weight to be dropped on all rogue speakers.

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Marmo's avatar

Good idea, bithchbitchybitchy.

They could play "YMCA" - that makes Dump twitch every time he hears it.

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ceekaycee's avatar

Marmo- That's funny - the image of Dump dance "twitching" to YMCA.

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John Townsend's avatar

Anything to make "the Donald" twitch and twitch all the way out of the White House!

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John Townsend's avatar

The 16 ton weight would barely hurt him!

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

I vote for Option 2. And out come the little guys with spatulas to scoop up the splat.

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John Townsend's avatar

Big spatulas!

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BTAM Master's avatar

Or, as in sport, perhaps a shot clock: you have x amount of time to make your point or relinquish the podium.

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barbara jones's avatar

under no circumstances should you watch the UN "speech>" it was seriously the most heinous, embarrassing, shameful hour i have ever spent. it was circles of hell. people clapped at the end. must have been because it was finally over.

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HarrisWalz FTW 2024's avatar

I would do everything in my power never to hear that man speak in person. How many members of his captive audience stayed awake?

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Charles Hall's avatar

Don't they have head phones for the translation they can turn off?

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LYNN COOK's avatar

When the Orange Peel started speaking in trump transylvaian some members rose...headed for the " castle " exits en mass. No one spoke his language in the entire room.

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HarrisWalz FTW 2024's avatar

Funny, I was thinking the same thing earlier as people were talking about this.

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John Townsend's avatar

Trump's brain is the marble that circles down, down the spiral circles of the underworld!

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L B Rose's avatar

So will the MSM play it to show us how wonderful Dear Leader is? (I usually avoid MSM anyway.) What about Faux News? Will they show highlights and rave about such an eloquent presentation? I assume that they want the cult to watch their anointed One in action....

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John Townsend's avatar

Anointed One? Yeah, anointed by bronzer!

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Sheldon Glass's avatar

As a public service, CBS and NBC should simulcast Fallon tonight

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Andy Borowitz's avatar

I think you mean Kimmel

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Sheldon Glass's avatar

Yeah. Just another 80+ year old brain fart. I should probably trade it in for a newer model

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L B Rose's avatar

You have probably used Tylenol....

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Sheldon Glass's avatar

Make, over 80. The chances of me being pregnant are pretty slim 😇

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John Townsend's avatar

--unless, like the evangelicals, you believe in miracles! Remember, Sarah in the Old Testament was ninety when she became pregnant after visits from angels. Angels may be knocking on your door right now.....

If so, let's hope they deliver some other message.....

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Sheldon Glass's avatar

No, I don’t remember Sarah from the Old Testament. I’m not that ancient!😇

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L B Rose's avatar

Doesn't Tylenol cause autism too? And probably dementia? I'm thinking that the makers of Tylenol may have defamation suit just handed to them...

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Marcia's avatar

! really...I think it would take an act of Congress. Good luck with that! In Alaska we have, at least I think we still have, something called ratnet. I recall being out of town and watching Clinton, Bush, Perot debate on it. It's bizarre as all networks come across the one channel. I don't know how they picked which network to air in which time slot, but the folks in the bush appreciate it.

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Maurine Mihalek's avatar

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!!!! MM

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Marilyn Roberts's avatar

Andy -- great work, as always! I signed up for years with the New Yorker, strictly to read your column. When you got sacked, I did the same to them...

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Cindy  Battie's avatar

I googled Andy once and was blown away by all that he accomplished prior to the Report. What was the New Yorker thinking? But we lucked out because we do not have to weed through that mag to find Andy's work. I look forward to this Report and the community.

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Andy Borowitz's avatar

Thank you ❤️

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John Townsend's avatar

I read the New Yorker occasionally, especially for the cartoons! Yeah, I know, real highbrow here!

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Andy Borowitz's avatar

Thank you! Substack has been an upgrade for me ♥️

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Caroll Franklin's avatar

I wouldn’t miss it

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P J Johnston's avatar

Good One Andy now EVERYONE will want to watch Jimmy tonight and that's a great thing indeed.

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Nancy's avatar

Thank you. Andy!

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