422 Comments
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Andy Borowitz's avatar

Looking forward to chatting with you good people about E Jean’s book Sunday at 7 PM (Eastern). I finished it today and it is truly hilarious.

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David H. Gelfand's avatar

I guess I’ll have to wait until 4 PDT, tomorrow afternoon.

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Tina Stein's avatar

I am unable to put it down. It is fantastic.

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Matthew Ward's avatar

They would have dropped Donold on Iran, but the payload was too heavy for a B2.

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MLK's avatar

Please make it a cluster bomb: Dump, Donspur Jr., Eric the Dud, and Barron Bonespur

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Jacquie Ostrom's avatar

Better yet for the cluster Bomb, add Vance, Hegseth, Miller, Noem, Bessent, Bondi, Lutnik and any others of his cabinet who will fit in the B2!!

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Don't forget Johnson! Squeeze him into the clown car, too!

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Jacquie Ostrom's avatar

Of course! We can't forget the Speaker of the House!

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Susan Barnes's avatar

Squeaker of the House.

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John Townsend's avatar

The would-be Moses, he supposes himself to be!

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Robert E.'s avatar

Put him on the bombs nose wearing a Rudolph's lead reindeer outfit.

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Ah, shades of Dr Strangelove -- would love to see this play out.

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Evan Lurie's avatar

I understand a SpaceX rocket is now available to deliver the payload.

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Michael Spiegler's avatar

Let's hope SpaceX's owner is on board.

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Carolyn Shama's avatar

The best part is you load everybody in and the darn things explode on the launchpad so you don't even have to waste money getting them into space they're gone

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Robert E.'s avatar

Earbuds playing "Pick Up the Pieces".

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SyBen's avatar

Don't forget to leave home without Musk " the Rat"!

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Olivia Parrish's avatar

RFK JR please! Although I'd settle for the Emperor with no clothes (but please no photos)!

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Eleanor Livingston's avatar

Please include Musk. And instead of a B52, make it the first rocket to Mars-A-Lago. No return trip.

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Michael L Flynn's avatar

And no parachute.

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Bill Williamson's avatar

Add “Speaker” Johnson and Majority Leader Thune.

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Annette's avatar

for good measure, add Steve Bannon, Roger Stone and Russell Vought

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lyric's avatar

and may they fly in a boeing plane. no guarantee they will arrive, safely or at all.

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Robert E.'s avatar

"The We Can Dreamliner".

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Catmn5's avatar

I like your thinking, but couldn’t that be considered a war crime upon the Iranian people? I mean, dropping that toxic, motley crew on any enemy could have us in The Hague…….

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Octavia Redwood's avatar

easy solution-drop the payload in the ocean (sorry Pacific)

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Sharon P's avatar

but 47 has a good relations ship with sharks right? eeew poor sharks

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Make sure they're not wearing plastic -- don't want to contribute to plastic garbage islands -- and are wearing organic cotton or hemp clothing... Then we have no ecological problems -- just very shitty dinners for the hagfish.

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John Townsend's avatar

--like Trump has not already committed a war crime? Send them all to the Netherlands, to plant tulips and repair dikes. Something harmless for once!

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Dorothy G Ferguson's avatar

Netherlands would say "Nei!"

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Yes, agree with your concept, but also agree with Dorothy -- wouldn't want to inflict this on Nederland. Hmmm... where can we stick 'em? On some uninhabited Aleutian island? Give 'em Antarctic outpost type accommodations and some good books that teach good basic values, but no radio. Then we wait and see what happens. Whatcha think?

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MLK's avatar

How about on that uninhabited island the Dump is going "to tariff'"?

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Okay by me!!! Let's do and say we did!

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John Townsend's avatar

Oh, God, just stick them somewhere! An earnest prayer not just a reaction!

Like I said elsewhere, I ask that "His mysterious ways" go into overdrive!

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Lydia's avatar

I agree. Don't drop those piles of dung on the people of Iran. The government may be assholes, but the people I have met over many years have been truly lovely, full of rich heritage and not full of hatred for anyone. Love the people, hate the oppressors.

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Gerry Boyce's avatar

Very incisive analysis. I love it.

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Marcia Hauer's avatar

Melanie, Ivsnka and Jared, and Tiffany can all go, too.

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John Townsend's avatar

Only drop them in the ocean, minus Barron. He seems innocent enough right now.

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

It's sad that he the youngest has the same disorder as his old man, apparently to a far greater degree, but, trump is a trump.

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John Townsend's avatar

In fairness, do we really know enough about Barron? We must wait a few years to find out.

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

Yeah, John, but I must ask: Are you the 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭 John Townsend?

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John Townsend's avatar

Common name, yeah, but yes, real!

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MLK's avatar

Alas, we do. Barron Bonespur was the Little Dump who told the Big Dump to reach out to podcast bros... And that may partly explain why a bunch of brainless bros voted for Big Dump.

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Robert E.'s avatar

Bikini Island redux

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Paul Stevens's avatar

Leave poor Barron alone. It's bad enough that he doesn't have any lips.

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Mary Ann Hope's avatar

and thinning hair

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Carolyn Shama's avatar

You forgot Ivana Ivanka. That's the D Donald E Eric and I Ivanka DEI. As for Baby Barron Bones spurs. What can we say somebody that's growing that tall probably has marfans syndrome

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MLK's avatar

I bet you're right about marfans. Hmmm. Hard to find any explanation except nurture for the offends of the other offspring.

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Gweneth West's avatar

…that’s certainly a “cluster…”. Sadly

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Alan's avatar
1dEdited

The bombs were Bunker Busters.

The suggested WH alternative is "Buster Bunko". 🤔

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Barbara Longbrook's avatar

🤣😂🤣😂

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Steve Morris's avatar

Yes, he’s full of it and it exceeds the B2’s payload capacity.

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Joseph T. Babcock's avatar

Matthew remember if you drop that large amount of poop it will not explode just stink.

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Matthew Ward's avatar

It would burn like Napalm.

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John Townsend's avatar

--just fertilize whatever Iranian desert!

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Bill Williamson's avatar

It was too heavy for SpaceX.

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DarkChopin's avatar

Plus it’s a war crime

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Nuremberg trials did not think execution was a war crime but just punishment for crimes against humanity.

Wait -- are you saying what Agent Orange is doing to Iran is a war crime? Or that it's a war crime to execute that mob of Nazi shitheads? Or that it's a war crime to dump them on Iran? I'm so confused!!!

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Susie's avatar

🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂

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Holly Blakeslee's avatar

Spot on!

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D ODonnell's avatar

Classic!

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Paul Snyderman's avatar

When asked why he insisted Baron get a note from a Podiatrist, the President invoked Tevyah's Article Number One. "TRADITION!"

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CARLA M LA ROSA's avatar

Best comment yet! Thanks, Paul!

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

I hear the fiddler squeaking out the tune now...

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Sandra Nicht's avatar

it's a tank squeaking out the tune...

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John Townsend's avatar

--with the coming marching boots for a back-tempo!

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MaryPat's avatar

Now I've got to find and play it! "TRADITION!"

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MLK's avatar

Here are the lyrics:

The bone spur,

THE BONE SPUR!

the bone spurrrr,

THE BONE SPUR!

And who does daddy think

Will save him from the brink

He looks down at his feet

And sees they really stink

The bone spur,

THE BONE SPUR!

the bone spurrrr,

THE BONE SPUR!

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Vicki Bruning's avatar

outstanding. I sang along!!

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Mary Gilbert's avatar

me too!!!! got the cadence down perfectly

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Annette's avatar

<golf clap>

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D ODonnell's avatar

💯

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Nancy Gold's avatar

OMG, Andy. Thank you; I desperately needed a laugh!

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Sandy Naughton's avatar

And now…the “hero” or should I say “gentleman in question” …no I should not say that….. is in charge of the military. Aided by the dream team of Pete Hegseth and probably JD and Stephen Miller. God help us.

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ZOHREH ZARNEGAR's avatar

God was sleep today

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John Townsend's avatar

We need those "mysterious ways" to start working right now!

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Mike Sabes's avatar

Rubio looked like he was confused during the announcement of the bombing...Pete looks mellow....maybe he had a nip before..

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Mary Roeser's avatar

Just one? He probably had a pint at least. Flip-Flop Rubio looked like he was on some illegal pharmaceutical.

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D ODonnell's avatar

Rubio looked ill to us. Maybe he’s starting to have a few qualms?

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Mike Sabes's avatar

What an imperfect incompetent group to lead!

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Sandy Naughton's avatar

Can there be a new contest please? What will Kristy Noem be wearing? A really cute Burka? Please don’t cover the hair says no one

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Lynn Tuohy's avatar

Only Andy could do this!

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Eileen Travis's avatar

Dropping Trump over Iran Pinochet style seems like a great idea. 😹

Does getting Barron clear mean he’s going to call for a draft? I’m headed for Canada, even though I’m 78 & female I’m also a Democrat so I’d get called up!

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Susan Stone's avatar

Shh!! Don't let trump hear that. He'd do it in a heartbeat, and wouldn't care that I'm 80 and in the same situation as you are.

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pilgrimRVW's avatar

Ditto, but 82. Unfortunately Canada probably won’t take me — too poor, unable to work. But a person can dream.

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Susan Stone's avatar

We are pretty self-sufficient, but with all the medical care I need, they probably wouldn't want me. And besides, it's too cold. I like living in a place that doesn't have long winters (it's not Florida).

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Catherine Alvarez's avatar

Eileen . As long as you love hockey , you are welcome there eh . I have my 🇨🇦passport ready .

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MLK's avatar

How I envy you that passport.

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Suzy Fraser's avatar

I'm sure I could learn to love hockey!

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Annette's avatar

just think of tRump's face on the puck and you'll get it in a flash!

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John Townsend's avatar

Trump's face is the puck! And the total suck!

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Robert E.'s avatar

Just remember to have a few choice front teeth removed in advance.

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Bobbie75's avatar

Probably drafting California first. Hope you aren’t from there.

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MLMinET's avatar

But no VA care after your service because Dems are excluded.

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BTAM Master's avatar

OMG what a huge bunker busting splat that would be!

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jb from Weston's avatar

"...dropping Donald Trump on Iran."

SPLAT!!!

So satisfying.

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Glenda Funk's avatar

Did Barron procure that note? Does he have a high arch? Flat feet? Hoof & Mouth disease? Bone spurs? He could try tearing an achilles tendon, which I did in May while in Egypt. Guaranteed to keep him in PT for the foreseeable future.

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Ann Jeffers's avatar

Barron has Eddie Munster’s hairline.

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Mary Gilbert's avatar

Yes-and he’s already thinning up front-just like daddy he’ll need a ‘rug sooner rather than later

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Suzy Fraser's avatar

...and all the accompanying creepiness. Who lets their kid leave the house looking like that!

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Jonathan Aborn's avatar

What is it with the Trumps and hairstyles. Barron looks like he was sponsored by Mobil One. That poor boy ain’t never gonna get laid!!

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Suzy Fraser's avatar

Sure he will. He has the funds to follow in his father's footsteps. ;)

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

It's the trump way. Barron, his brothers and the elder of his sisters have that werewolf thing going on, as do some of their blood elders. The big kids, however, seem to have the widow's peak version.

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Ann Jeffers's avatar

I’m a retired genetic counselor. Before the current effective DNA sequencing, many diagnoses were made based on looking at physical differences. Low hairline is associated with numerous genetic syndromes. Not saying anything about the Trumps specifically.

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

Ann, it's clear that you're not saying anything specific to trumps. You are a professional. And I'm especially glad you're here so that I can twist it every whichway.

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Suzy Fraser's avatar

LOL. Twisting away with you.

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

Twistin' the night away!

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Ami's avatar

Very funny, Glenda! I hope you're healing well.

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Glenda Funk's avatar

Thank you, Ami. Healing is slow, made slower by my chronology, I’m sure.

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Ami's avatar

Oh, Glenda, please don't be discouraged by the healing time frame! Tendons take TIME to heal for everyone. My dentist ruptured his Achilles when his brother chased him around a couch (yes, 2 grown men acting like 9 year olds). He came to work using a scooter-like device to rest his lower leg on. You're going to heal, but patience (who has THAT in abundance nowadays?) is required. All the best!

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Donna Maurillo's avatar

Yeah, I pulled a hip ligament, and it's been WEEKS for it to heal. Still not completely over it. I learned that hip ligament injuries also affect your knee, too, so there's that on top of it. Glenda, you have my empathy! Be patient.

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Al Keim's avatar

You should see a chronopractor.

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Glenda Funk's avatar

I don’t think a chiropractor can reverse time. 🫤 I’m sticking w/ PT for now. My PT has been a miracle worker for my hips and lower back.

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Al Keim's avatar

Chrono Glenda. Reset your clock:-)

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

You had to do that? Do you know how difficult it is to keep silent now?

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Al Keim's avatar

Boom

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

Glenda, all the best to you for healing. As to trumps, if the draft is resurrected and the kid indeed has bone spurs, no problem. I developed one walking Vienna and Prague for a couple of weeks. Got back to NY and three or maybe four easy, slightly ticklish ultrasound treatments erased it.

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John Crowe's avatar

How about dropping the whole cabinet on Iran? Also JD and Stephen.

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Bob Graham's avatar

Iran would immediately surrender.

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Diane Elias's avatar

Is surrender another word for throw-up?

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Sheila A Smith's avatar

“Minutes after the speech, a new poll showed that a majority of Americans favor dropping Donald Trump on Iran.”

Andy you are a gift! Thx

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Sheila Greenberg's avatar

On the down low, tRump slipped the Doctor a note asking if there was any truth to the claim that foot size was indicative of “another member’s” size. And also if a father with size 6 feet could sire a son with size 12 feet.

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Sooz Hall's avatar

What size are Trudeau’s feet?

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Sheila Greenberg's avatar

(Stares off into the distance…) ummmm, what? Sorry I was distracted 🤣🤣🤣

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Robert E.'s avatar

Heard to be known as

"Footlong" Trudeau in the bedroom.

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John Townsend's avatar

--enough to satisfy any footwear!

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geraldinemellon's avatar

Laugh-out-loud funny! Thanks, I needed that!

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Barbara Longbrook's avatar

🤭

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Barry Blue's avatar

Only if the genes came from the Mother’s side

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Sooz Hall's avatar

🤣👏🏻😂👏🏻😝👏🏻

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Annette's avatar

<golf clap>

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Cookie's avatar

I like the new poll and agree that TACO should be dropped on Iran..the sooner the better!

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Mike Pennington's avatar

Drop the WHOLE administration and his family on Iran!

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Peaceful Mary T.'s avatar

Poor Iran! I mean, they aren't my favorite country, but geez...

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Octavia Redwood's avatar

frankly, I've always had a hard time reconciling my associations and memories of working among and living around Iranians, who I realize are among the most fortunate to get here-but every one was smart, determined, dedicated, loved family, always looked great, friendly, funny; and then see the photos of the Ayatollah. Perhaps folks there hate all that as much as we do? Why put them in danger, as well as all of Israel, or even the U.S.? They may have nuclear pieces, but they are self-contained-interested in maintaining what they have, more than taking over others' land. Maybe I'm naive, but I have read that many ordinary Iranians hate their government and worry about Iran's possible nuclear capabilities

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Annette's avatar

tRump doesn't take time to do due diligence, he just does what he thinks will get him a Nobel Peace Prize, as told to him by Miller, Hogsbreath, etc.

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Octavia Redwood's avatar

And as we all know, Nobel Peace Prize recipients always nominate themselves!

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

That truly would be a clusterfuck... uh er, I mean cluster bomb! But don't leave out Mike Johnson!

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Mary Gilbert's avatar

What the heck-let’s not leave out MTG!

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Annette's avatar

oh, but she was opposed to the intervention

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John Townsend's avatar

A divine miracle never to be repeated! For once she was right!

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

True, but maybe not leave her out based on all previous -- and probably future -- hideous doings?

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Annette's avatar

of course, Floofie... MTG doesn't deserve my respect

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WKR's avatar

Let us hope that Mr. Putin does not "lend" Iran some nuclear weapons until their current "difficulties" are over. Perhaps we need a "president" capable of thinking things through. Our only hope for peace is by diplomacy to resolve our differences. "For, in the final analysis, our most basic common link is that we all inhabit this small planet. We all breathe the same air. We all cherish our children's futures. And we are all mortal." JFK

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Gracie44's avatar

Perhaps we just need a PRESIDENT!

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lougee's avatar

do you think bone spurs senior cleared the bombing with putin first

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Annette's avatar

excellent comment and quote, thank you!

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John Townsend's avatar

--too mortal!

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Hank Napkin's avatar

"My, what big feet you have..."

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Patti's avatar

Surely you meant “bigly?”

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Hank Napkin's avatar

I understand the podiatrist in question speaks English good.

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John Townsend's avatar

--while the rest of us will be left down the "well".

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Jeff Johnson's avatar

Did Barry have bone spurs, brain spurs, or prickly heat?

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