Trump Turns Eighty But Claims He Has Brain of Four-year-old
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Taking his milestone birthday in stride, on Sunday Donald J. Trump told reporters, “I may be eighty, but I have the brain of a four-year-old.”
“People who think I’m too old should take a look at this UFC fight,” he argued. “That’s an idea that could only come from a four-year-old’s mind.”
Trump said his self-assessment was corroborated by doctors at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center, who told him at his most recent exam that his cognition had scored at a four-year-old level.
In the first official act of his ninth decade, the president renamed RFK Jr. “The Donald J. Trump Robert F. Kennedy Junior.”
TRUE STORY: When Trump Named a Horse After Himself
He is indeed sharp. He only spent $35 billion on the war in Iran to get the Strait of Hormuz open—which it already was before he spent a nickel. Beginning to understand how he bankrupted his casinos.
If only it was a HEALTHY (or sane) 4-year old....