That's bloody hilarious, the Swiss chard reference in particular. I fully endorse Paul Snyderman's important questions and recommend an investigation by Bondi, the Beach.
Brooke Rollins announced that she will be deploying special Ag forces to destroy organic farming.
"They won't use toxic pesticides, which are the Lord's gift to farmers. This is deeply wrong. Every American must have chemicals in their bloodstream!"
Rather than picking up discarded kale, these troops should be sent to pick vegetables and fruits that used to be handled by hard-working immigrants who have been detained or deported by ICE.
I want to see a one-for-one swap - every worker removed from their job site by ICE gets replaced by a National Guard or military person or ICE employee.
The ICE goons volunteered to do what they're doing. The National Guard and Marines had no choice. They didn't sign up to intimidate the American people.
" these troops should be sent to pick vegetables and fruits that used to be handled by hard-working immigrants who have been detained or deported by ICE."
...and Patel and Trump, in a show of solidarity, should do it with them!
Hehe! But I can tell you, those morons are not qualified to do farm work. It’s highly skilled labor, back-breaking and done in tough conditions. I watched a documentary once on Mexican farm laborers and they’re amazing. They pick and pack so fast and efficiently, it makes your head spin. Sadly they get paid very little, sleep in the fields, receive no benefits and are fired when they get injured. And ICE is always hunting them. Shame on the growers, and on America! We need a legal guest worker program NOW.
Not French Fries; he loves them too much. Maybe he will change their name to Freedom Fries so they can stay. Chinese food is gone. The only Chinese things allowed to remain are those purchased by one of his billionaire cronies.
I never learned how to play. Are you telling me I can never learn? Maybe I can find an underground Chinese Checkers club (to paraphrase, the first rule of Chinese Checkers club is that you don't talk about Chinese Checkers club).
I’m in real trouble. I just bought gorgeous Swiss chard at the farmers market yesterday. Of course it’s organic. And I splurged and ate French toast this morning for breakfast. That’s three stripes against me. And I was wondering why all of this is so expensive. And I guess I can’t eat Alice Waters Chez Panisse anymore since I am sure they will shut her down.
Oh yes, it is. I have eaten downstairs with a fixed menu, maybe a half a dozen times and upstairs many more times than that. I have lived near the restaurant for 30 years. I always think it’s expensive until the food comes. Each dish is better than the next with the freshest ingredients. She is a huge asset to the community, but especially to the farmers near here. During the pandemic, she was worried about the farmers and continued to buy Their products offering them to us as prepared dishes and on their own. We ordered and paid online if I remember correctly and then just went to the back of the restaurant and picked them up.
Andy, things are dire here. I'm forced to use pre-ground coffee beans for my morning latte, as the noise of my electric grinder might alert National Guard troops to my location. I'll send further communiques as the battle unfolds...
Thank you! All monies will go toward the Portland Indie Book, Vinyl Record, and Vintage Clothing Store Rebuilding Fund. Our war-ravaged community will rise from the ashes!
As yet another vegetarian Portlander, I grow kale in my rooftop community garden. Planning to massage some Kale (with Tuscan Herb-infused olive oil and fresh-squeezed organic lemon juice) for tonight's Antifa gathering at the ICE facility.
Weird you would mention being careful on your roof. I had a horrible dream last night that someone was walking around on our roof at about 5:30 AM, with heavy footsteps…
I would like to have troops deployed to my house. My lawn needs mowing, and I will need my leaves raked in another month. Can I get them to come into the house and clean here, too?
Depending on where you live, we may have to share our troops. I'm going to start publicizing that my cat speaks Spanish (let them try to prove me wrong). Once all my yardwork is finished, I have paperwork on him that they can see. Then I will send them your way.
Hmmm, I'm a big old Anglo dude that speaks fluent Spanish. I'll keep my fluency a secret. I guess my Siamese cats speak Siamese, as they don't respond to anything I say. 😉 My Shetland Sheepdog probably speaks Scottish, but he does respond to English.
Good luck to anyone trying to herd our pets anywhere. There would be biting, clawing, and crawling under furniture as the animals outsmart them. If they show up, I will grab my phone and take photos to show all of you.
I wish luck to anyone trying to herd our pets anywhere. Have you heard the saying, "It's like trying to herd cats?" Mine are ten times worse. Then there is the dog. He is small, but the UPS man has asked us to keep the dog inside so he doesn't bite.
Some of us here in the Bay Area require a platoon of strong young folk to dig in compost for our kale. (And I have some bloody stubborn blackberry roots that are messing with my Cape gooseberries.)
Lynda - I hear ya! I grew up in Portland and thought blackberry vines were an issue until I moved to Georgia and was confronted with kudzu. It was like you could watch it grow in real time!
Those two gangs are more dangerous than the crypts, the bloods, the proud boys, the yakuza — all of them put together. A gang of discarded kale once beat up my brother.
My beloved cat, Ono (RIP) loved spinach! Enough to jump on to counter and dive into produce bag. Never offered her kale, though she could have massaged it as only a feline can do.
Kashyap further confirmed that the National Guard will soon be combing the streets, and farmers markets, for all cruciferous vegetables. "It's imperative that we rid the area of broccoli, cabbage and cauliflower, that threaten to keep regularity rampant in the area."
Your tax dollars at work 😁!
That's bloody hilarious, the Swiss chard reference in particular. I fully endorse Paul Snyderman's important questions and recommend an investigation by Bondi, the Beach.
perhaps we need to get Brooke Rollins, the Secretary of Agriculture War, involved!
Brooke Rollins announced that she will be deploying special Ag forces to destroy organic farming.
"They won't use toxic pesticides, which are the Lord's gift to farmers. This is deeply wrong. Every American must have chemicals in their bloodstream!"
Oh Brooke . . . stop kissing up to RFK, Jr.!
This is so close to what is happening with this administration that, at first, I wondered if it was true!
Yup. They guarded Randy’s Donuts down here, y’all.
Yes, it'll go nicely with the plastic particles in our brains...
He most likely has never seen veggies unless cooked, peaches except canned, strawberries in a jam jar.
Another unqualified Trump pick.
there are so many . . . and I think all of them should have the phrase "of War" added to their titles, so we can spot them easily in news stories.
Mike, you omitted the 'r'.
“Agriculture War.” Brilliant. Don’t give ‘em any ideas.
it started with kale . . . who knows what's next . . . seitan, kombucha . . . all those foreign words!!
They want to get rid of anything truly healthy, given they are all followers of worm brain.
Kumquats! They must be eradicated!
Deport them now!
The war on rogue vegetables is serious!
Bondi? Isn't that a singer?
It's actually a beach near Sydney, Australia. Been there.
Didn't tRump outlaw vegetables, which he referred to as vile, liberal weeds?
Until Wednesday?
where's DOGE when you need it??
Rather than picking up discarded kale, these troops should be sent to pick vegetables and fruits that used to be handled by hard-working immigrants who have been detained or deported by ICE.
I have a report on this development in the pipeline!!
Once ICE completes its mission to rid us of immigrants, they'll become unemployed and become the perfect farm workers.
Not if they handle the fruit and vegetables as roughly as they handle the immigrants. Maybe they can keep busy plotting the next insurrection!
I want to see a one-for-one swap - every worker removed from their job site by ICE gets replaced by a National Guard or military person or ICE employee.
The ICE goons volunteered to do what they're doing. The National Guard and Marines had no choice. They didn't sign up to intimidate the American people.
Ice employees only, Cindy. Military and NG
are being ordered with huge consequences
if they disobey.
I would limit it to ICE agents/employees. The military didn't sign up for deportation work.
I'd suggest the entire cabinet be sent into the fields but
I don't think we'd ever see a perfect strawberry again, or
a good head of lettuce.
It would be worth it!
Have they found the 800 from the gulag in Fla?
" these troops should be sent to pick vegetables and fruits that used to be handled by hard-working immigrants who have been detained or deported by ICE."
...and Patel and Trump, in a show of solidarity, should do it with them!
well, Kashyap is close to the ground, but tRump's cankles prevent him from bending over
Excellent suggestion! They would be doing something to the good of the American people. They are being paid by us, so their efforts should benefit us!
<appreciative applause>
Hehe! But I can tell you, those morons are not qualified to do farm work. It’s highly skilled labor, back-breaking and done in tough conditions. I watched a documentary once on Mexican farm laborers and they’re amazing. They pick and pack so fast and efficiently, it makes your head spin. Sadly they get paid very little, sleep in the fields, receive no benefits and are fired when they get injured. And ICE is always hunting them. Shame on the growers, and on America! We need a legal guest worker program NOW.
I thought we had one. But trump probably did away with it.
That’s what I hope Trump’s followers will realize. These are hard jobs. We should be grateful, not hateful.
Swiss chard? What are the tariffs on that stuff?
Good point. I would bet that Trump has now put tariffs on French Fries, French Toast and Chinese take-out.
if he goes after Thai food, I gonna' be really, really honked off!
Not French Fries; he loves them too much. Maybe he will change their name to Freedom Fries so they can stay. Chinese food is gone. The only Chinese things allowed to remain are those purchased by one of his billionaire cronies.
No playing Chinese Checkers, either!
I never learned how to play. Are you telling me I can never learn? Maybe I can find an underground Chinese Checkers club (to paraphrase, the first rule of Chinese Checkers club is that you don't talk about Chinese Checkers club).
I’m in real trouble. I just bought gorgeous Swiss chard at the farmers market yesterday. Of course it’s organic. And I splurged and ate French toast this morning for breakfast. That’s three stripes against me. And I was wondering why all of this is so expensive. And I guess I can’t eat Alice Waters Chez Panisse anymore since I am sure they will shut her down.
I have always wanted to go to Chez Panisse, but it is on the wrong side of the country from me. Is it as good as they say?
Oh yes, it is. I have eaten downstairs with a fixed menu, maybe a half a dozen times and upstairs many more times than that. I have lived near the restaurant for 30 years. I always think it’s expensive until the food comes. Each dish is better than the next with the freshest ingredients. She is a huge asset to the community, but especially to the farmers near here. During the pandemic, she was worried about the farmers and continued to buy Their products offering them to us as prepared dishes and on their own. We ordered and paid online if I remember correctly and then just went to the back of the restaurant and picked them up.
Her pandemic purchases and her restaurant just demonstrate her caring for others. Now, I'm even more jealous.
It grows wild along with the blackberry brambles.
I wonder if it would taste better if it were picked from the wild. Unfortunately I don't care for the flavor of Swiss chard.
As a vegetarian Portlander, this post hits all of my erogenous zones.
Oh -- also because I'm the author of the book club pick :)
Thank you, Andy!!
Everyone! As Tom hides in that war zone out there please order his funny book!
Andy, things are dire here. I'm forced to use pre-ground coffee beans for my morning latte, as the noise of my electric grinder might alert National Guard troops to my location. I'll send further communiques as the battle unfolds...
as part of my sniper training i use instant coffee
😂😂.
Done.
Thank you! All monies will go toward the Portland Indie Book, Vinyl Record, and Vintage Clothing Store Rebuilding Fund. Our war-ravaged community will rise from the ashes!
Tom, I hope you will be speaking about your book at The Portland Book Festival and/or Powell's Books soon.
Yes indeed, Rebecca! I’ll be at Powell’s on 10/10 7pm 🥳
https://www.powells.com/events/tom-toro-9798881604066
As yet another vegetarian Portlander, I grow kale in my rooftop community garden. Planning to massage some Kale (with Tuscan Herb-infused olive oil and fresh-squeezed organic lemon juice) for tonight's Antifa gathering at the ICE facility.
Be careful up on your living roof! Try repositioning solar panels to block the view of military drones.
Weird you would mention being careful on your roof. I had a horrible dream last night that someone was walking around on our roof at about 5:30 AM, with heavy footsteps…
Can’t make the meeting. Will someone be taking minutes??
My bespoke fountain pen is nearly out of home-made elderberry ink, and I'm on my last sheet of cold-pressed papyrus paper, but I'll do my best!
LOL
Brilliant.
I would like to have troops deployed to my house. My lawn needs mowing, and I will need my leaves raked in another month. Can I get them to come into the house and clean here, too?
don't forget the gutter cleaning!
…and then shoveling snow.
You're right, winter is coming. Can I keep them for that long? My cat is here illegally.
Hope ICE doesn’t learn about your cat. 🐈 We have one too, don’t tell.
with our 23+ pound cat, I almost feel sorry for ICE if they come for her
I don't think even the troops acting illegally deserve to try to pick up my larger cat. Would it count as being wounded in battle?
No, I want them to come. He was born here, so he is covered by the 14th Amendment.
He's covered by the 14th Amendment...for now. Based on SCOTUS's current track record, birth-right is no longer a given.
they're eating the cats they're eating the dogs!!!!!!!!!
You are so right. They desperately need to be cleaned.
The cats or the ICE agents?
Probably the ICE agents. Although, if they can bathe the cat, more power to them.
<snort laugh>
Ditto.
I need the Army Corps of Engineers to help with my landscaping. Hey, do they do home repairs and such? 😆
Depending on where you live, we may have to share our troops. I'm going to start publicizing that my cat speaks Spanish (let them try to prove me wrong). Once all my yardwork is finished, I have paperwork on him that they can see. Then I will send them your way.
Hmmm, I'm a big old Anglo dude that speaks fluent Spanish. I'll keep my fluency a secret. I guess my Siamese cats speak Siamese, as they don't respond to anything I say. 😉 My Shetland Sheepdog probably speaks Scottish, but he does respond to English.
There you go, the Siamese are here illegally. You could probably pass off the dog as being here legally.
He would probably herd them right out of the house. 😆
Good luck to anyone trying to herd our pets anywhere. There would be biting, clawing, and crawling under furniture as the animals outsmart them. If they show up, I will grab my phone and take photos to show all of you.
I wish luck to anyone trying to herd our pets anywhere. Have you heard the saying, "It's like trying to herd cats?" Mine are ten times worse. Then there is the dog. He is small, but the UPS man has asked us to keep the dog inside so he doesn't bite.
Some of us here in the Bay Area require a platoon of strong young folk to dig in compost for our kale. (And I have some bloody stubborn blackberry roots that are messing with my Cape gooseberries.)
THANK GOD someone is looking into the kale problem in Portland...those poor people,
having a leafy green invade their town! Lynda Greer,, Atlanta, GA.
first kale, then tofu . . . oh, the humanity of it all
It's the first humane thing this Administration has done!!
Lynda - I hear ya! I grew up in Portland and thought blackberry vines were an issue until I moved to Georgia and was confronted with kudzu. It was like you could watch it grow in real time!
Kudzu was Japans gift to us. Maybe we should invade them in retaliation!
I think we did enough to the Japanese.
Can you play kudzoo?
join the Kazoo Sisterhood of Winston Salem!!!!
New Oregon vanity plate idea: Leaf Us Alone!
Very embarrassing for him, kale being radical left but Swiss chard neutral.
excellent point! Of course, peas and carrots are on the right, correct?
Not according to Forrest Gump.
is there a chocolate swiss chard
It was deported.
Of course it was. Chocolate was a gift to humankind from the Aztec god Quetzalcoatl.
Patel celebrated that ANTIKA will no longer roam the streets of Portland, nor will the sub-faction Chards.
Those two gangs are more dangerous than the crypts, the bloods, the proud boys, the yakuza — all of them put together. A gang of discarded kale once beat up my brother.
thoughts and prayers to your brother!
Thank you. He was traumatized. Couldn’t eat salad for weeks.
Thanks to President Trump, never again!!!
I'd like to join the antika movement, please.
more kale and other such fiber should help within a day or or two
😅
I’m going antika-ing soon in Portland. Will look for them.
I think I’ll be eligible for Antika membership on my next birthday. Time flies. Hope it comes with discounts on protest sign craft materials.
This is FAKE NEWS! They weren't discarding it, They were EATING THE KALE!
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER! Something like this should NEVER happen in this country.
Goes well with cat.
My beloved cat, Ono (RIP) loved spinach! Enough to jump on to counter and dive into produce bag. Never offered her kale, though she could have massaged it as only a feline can do.
Not funny, Al!!
It sounds to me like Al was going back to the Haitians supposedly eating cats and dog, rather than being about hating cats.
yes, it was, Carla
Oh, you hate cats. OK.
<snort laugh>
Kashyap further confirmed that the National Guard will soon be combing the streets, and farmers markets, for all cruciferous vegetables. "It's imperative that we rid the area of broccoli, cabbage and cauliflower, that threaten to keep regularity rampant in the area."
Appropriate since good ol' Kash is making the country go to kale in a handbasket.
🤣🤣
I thought you were going to say that they don’t discard kale, they *smoke* it. 😏
He isn't just going after produce. Portland is the Rose City; trump tore out the Rose Garden. Coincidence? I think not.
Does excessive kale turn a state Blue? Or does it cause autism? Only the Orange knows....
I've heard RFK, Jr. feeds his brain worm kale
That brainworm has starved a while ago, no brain cells left.
The GOP's "War on Vegetables".
It started with Reagan trying to replace vegetables with ketchup