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Putin and Netanyahu Formalize Joint Ownership of Trump
At a press conference in the Kremlin, Netanyahu characterized the arrangement as “basically a timeshare.”
 • Andy Borowitz
Experts Say Pentagon Has Used Up Its Entire Stockpile of Mascara
Defense Department burned through ninety percent of its existing stockpiles of concealer, blush, and lip gloss in the first five days of the war with…
 • Andy Borowitz
All the Reasons Tommy Tuberville Believes Abdul El-Sayed is a "Terrorist"
TBR Sunday Read
 • Carlos Greaves
Iran Says it Will Reopen Strait if Trump Admits He Lost in 2020
“The whole world knows you lost, moron,” the official Iranian statement read.
 • Andy Borowitz
Worm Leaves Scathing Yelp Review of RFK Jr.’s Brain
The worm’s review began on a discouraging note, claiming that Kennedy’s brain was “almost impossible to find.”
 • Andy Borowitz
Andy Beshear Demands to Know if Rand Paul is Brain-Dead
“I have viewed disturbing video taken last week in the US Senate in which Senator Paul appears to be brain-dead,” Beshear said.
 • Andy Borowitz
New Poll Reveals Trump Less Popular Than Explosive Diarrhea
Likely voters said that they would rather suffer two years of the gastrointestinal ailment than the remainder of Trump’s term.
 • Andy Borowitz
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