Archive - The Borowitz Report

Canadian Prime Minister Thanks Trump for Election Victory

“Donald, I couldn’t have done it without you," an emotional Carney told supporters.

Apr 29

Man Who Fell Asleep at Pope’s Funeral was Already Going to Hell, Says God

Although snoozing during the pontiff’s funeral was “beyond rude,” the Almighty said that the man clinched his place in the netherworld “decades ago.”

Apr 27

Will Pam Bondi Go to Prison?

TBR Sunday Read

Apr 27

Who Stole Kristi Noem's Gucci Bag?

The Andy Borowitz Show

Apr 25

19:05

Hegseth Accidentally Texts Houthis Detailed List of His Cosmetics

The Defense Secretary suffers yet another embarrassment.

Apr 25

JD Vance to Represent Satan at Pope's Funeral

The Prince of Darkness said that he could not attend the funeral himself because it conflicts with a Tesla board meeting.

Apr 24

This Will Give You Hope

The Andy Borowitz Show

Apr 23

20:56

Houthis Send Friend Request to Hegseth’s Wife

The rebels said that they want to “stay in the loop."

Apr 22

Trump Urges Vatican to Select New Pope from Cast of "Fox & Friends"

“You want to have a pope who’s good on TV,” Trump said.

Apr 21

You're Not Alone

This weekend, in big cities and small towns, Americans took to the streets to protest Trump’s fascist regime.

Apr 20

Traitor of the Week: Obviously, This Guy!

TBR Sunday Read

Apr 20

Trump Will Hate This

Want to do something that Trump will hate?

Apr 18

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