The Borowitz Report

The Borowitz Report

Home
Podcast
Notes
Chat
Archive
About
Trump’s Parade Called Off After Hegseth Accidentally Invites Houthi Rebels
“I did not text parade plans,” a defiant Hegseth said.
13
Let’s Celebrate Trump’s Birthday with a Military Trial
The Andy Borowitz Show
139
28:26
Noem Poem
An ode to Kristi
864
The World Class Cowards of ABC News
The ongoing surrender of corporate media.
919
Emergency Episode: TACO FELL!
The Andy Borowitz Show
317
25:11
Trump Sends Stephen Miller to L.A. to Act as Human Repellant
“No one empties a room faster than Stephen,” Trump said.
503
Trump Orders National Guard to Carry Him up to Plane
In an executive order declaring a national emergency, Trump pronounced the metal stairs “An Enemy of the People.”
538
Qataris Buy Trump’s Tesla for $400 Million
“President Trump greatly enhanced the value of the car by sitting in it once," Karoline Leavitt said.
317
America's Top Traitor: It's Official!
TBR Sunday Read
612
Zelenskyy Offers to Broker Peace Between Musk and Trump
“It is time for the fighting to stop,” the Ukrainian president said.
387
Association With Trump “Bad for my Brand,” Says Jeffrey Epstein in Hell
“Being linked to Trump will forever ruin how people think of Jeffrey Epstein," he complained.
465
Trump Travel Ban Unnecessary After Rest of World Shows Zero Interest in Coming to Shithole Country
“When people plan vacations, they usually avoid countries with soaring prices, random arrests on the street, and measles outbreaks,” a travel expert…
548
© 2025 Andy Borowitz
Privacy ∙ Terms ∙ Collection notice
Start writingGet the app
Substack is the home for great culture