The Borowitz Report | Substack

Experts Say Pentagon Has Used Up Its Entire Stockpile of Mascara

Defense Department burned through ninety percent of its existing stockpiles of concealer, blush, and lip gloss in the first five days of the war with…

40 mins ago • Andy Borowitz

Most Popular

Zelenskyy Suggests Trump Give Florida to Russia

Aug 11, 2025 • Andy Borowitz

Zuckerberg Rethinks Meta Policy After Community Notes Call Him a Sociopath

Jan 17, 2025 • Andy Borowitz

Hillary Destroys the Republicans

Feb 27 • Andy Borowitz

The Borowitz Report

About Archive Sitemap

#nojs-banner { position: fixed; bottom: 0; left: 0; padding: 16px 16px 16px 32px; width: 100%; box-sizing: border-box; background: red; color: white; font-family: -apple-system, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif, "Apple Color Emoji", "Segoe UI Emoji", "Segoe UI Symbol"; font-size: 13px; line-height: 13px; } #nojs-banner a { color: inherit; text-decoration: underline; } This site requires JavaScript to run correctly. Please turn on JavaScript or unblock scripts