Sitemap - 2025 - The Borowitz Report
W. Kamau Bell on Trump, Epstein, and More
Scotland Celebrates Departure of Trump
Profile in Assclownery: CBS's New Despot
JD Vance to Serve Rest of Ghislaine Maxwell’s Prison Term
Americans Support Renaming Kennedy Center After E. Jean Carroll
Trump Offers to End War With Harvard if it Admits him to Freshman Class
A Nightmare for Trump That's Even Worse Than Epstein
Obama Posts Video of Trump Actually Getting Arrested in Real Life
School Group Visiting Mar-a-Lago Finds Epstein List in Bathroom
The Sharpie Art Masterpieces of Donald J. Trump
Trump Will Lose His War on Laughter
Trump Signs Executive Order Banning Word Epstein
Trump Says He Was Surprised Biden Chose JD Vance as VP
Kristi Noem’s Hair Extensions Stolen From Head
Something Amazing Just Happened
Bombshell: JD Vance was Last Person to see Epstein Alive
A Letter from the President of Liberia
Are We Thinking Too Much About Politics?
Bondi Calls Epstein List as Non-existent as Trump’s Healthcare Plan
Bezos Struggles to Return Wedding Gifts to Amazon
DOJ Finds Man in Photo with Epstein was Actually Biden
Americans Favor Work Requirements for Billionaires Receiving Tax Cuts
A New Declaration of Independence from Tyranny
God Formally Notifies Mike Johnson That he is Going to Hell
Trump Signs Executive Order Changing Meaning of Word Obliterate
Supreme Court Rules That it no Longer Exists
Melania Caption Contest Winner!
Disaster Strikes Bezos Wedding After Tent from Amazon Basics Collapses
Incredibly Bad News for Trump!
Trump Warns if He Does Not Win Nobel Peace Prize He Will Bomb Norway
Some Amazing Things Happened Today
Trump Accuses Biden of Violating Ceasefire
Trump Sells Mar-a-Lago to Pay E. Jean Carroll
Scientists Believe Marco Rubio is Gradually Vanishing
Which Melania Caption Be Best?
Trump Sends Barron to Podiatrist
RFK Jr’s Worm Now Living in Kristi Noem’s Brain
Trump Claims Migrants Kidnapped Everyone Who Was Coming to His Parade
Trump’s Worst Nightmare Just Came True
Trump’s Parade Called Off After Hegseth Accidentally Invites Houthi Rebels
Let’s Celebrate Trump’s Birthday with a Military Trial
The World Class Cowards of ABC News
Trump Sends Stephen Miller to L.A. to Act as Human Repellant
Trump Orders National Guard to Carry Him up to Plane
Qataris Buy Trump’s Tesla for $400 Million
America's Top Traitor: It's Official!
Zelenskyy Offers to Broker Peace Between Musk and Trump
Association With Trump “Bad for my Brand,” Says Jeffrey Epstein in Hell
Trump Travel Ban Unnecessary After Rest of World Shows Zero Interest in Coming to Shithole Country
Trump Puts Musk in Charge of Absorbing All Drugs Coming into US
Mexico Renames the Liberty Bell the TACO Bell
America’s Top Traitor: The Final Quisling Smackdown
Warning: This Post Contains Cute Puppy Pics
Trump’s Birthday Parade Canceled After He Fails to Produce Birth Certificate
Man Feared to Be Cognitively Slipping After Writing Book About Wrong President
Trump Honors Those Who Helped Others Avoid Service at Tomb of the Unknown Podiatrist
America's Top Traitor: Meet the Five Finalists
South African President’s Approval Rating Expected to Soar After Trump Acts Like a Dick
Trump Claims Springsteen Not Born in USA
Biden Covered Up Health Woes with Four Years of Booming Economy
Qatar Signs Historic Deal to Own US President
America's Top Traitor: Let the Voting Begin!
Trump Establishes New Cabinet Department to Process Huge Volume of Bribes
Luxury 747 from Qatar Totaled After Hegseth Drives it Into Tree
Jeanine Pirro and Pete Hegseth in Vicious Fight over Eyebrow Pencil
Traitor of the Week: A Final Six-Pack of Quislings!
Emergency Episode: Don the Demented Dotard
Trump Offers to Sell New Pope $60 Bible
Trump Calls For Reopening Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory
Former WaPo Cartoonist Completes Ownership of Jeff Bezos
Trump Says He Slapped Tariffs on Foreign Films Because Subtitles Encourage Reading
Is This the Most Annoying Politician in America?
Trump Says Eric is Biden’s Fault
Karoline Leavitt Warns That Migrants are Smuggling Math into US
Canadian Prime Minister Thanks Trump for Election Victory
Man Who Fell Asleep at Pope’s Funeral was Already Going to Hell, Says God
Who Stole Kristi Noem's Gucci Bag?
Hegseth Accidentally Texts Houthis Detailed List of His Cosmetics
JD Vance to Represent Satan at Pope's Funeral
Houthis Send Friend Request to Hegseth’s Wife
Trump Urges Vatican to Select New Pope from Cast of "Fox & Friends"
Traitor of the Week: Obviously, This Guy!
Harvard to Award Trump Honorary Doctorate for Making its Approval Rating Soar
Poll: Majority of Americans Favor Swapping Trump for Abrego Garcia
The Useful Idiot’s Useful Idiot
Man Who Invested in Trump Shocked to be Losing Fortune
Traitor of the Week: Is This the Worst Traitor Yet?
Trump Claims Tariffs Were Eric’s Dumb Idea
Clarence Thomas Fears Volatile Stock Market Could Force Billionaire Hosts to Sell Their Yachts
Bondi Fires DOJ Employee After Finding Copy of Constitution on his Desk
JD Vance Freaks Out After Tariffs Hike Price of Eyeliner
Today, These Americans Stood up to Trump
RFK Jr. Says Stock Market Crash Could be Reversed if Investors Drink Cod Liver Oil
Traitor of the Week: Quisling No. 7
Cory Booker made history. Now it's our turn.
Democratic Candidates Beg Musk to Visit Their States
Furious Elon Musk Demands Refund from Wisconsin
Republicans Are Scared Shitless
Trump’s Arteries Unlikely to Serve Third Term
Vance Caught Trying to Steal All of Greenland’s Minerals in his Parka
Support Grows for Trump Serving Third Term in Prison
Traitor of the Week: Special Karma Chameleon Edition!
Nation Shocked That Former Fox Host Might Be Liar
Greenland Rejects Trump’s Offer to Trade JD Vance for Rare Earth Minerals
Waltz Says He Used Signal for War Plans Because it Offered More Emojis
Kim Jong Un Demands to be Included in all Future Hegseth Group Chats
Adam Kinzinger Rips the Pete Hegseth Shitshow
Greenland Appoints Special Envoy to Greet Trump Delegation
Americans Demand Breathalyzer Be Attached to Pete Hegseth’s Phone
Elon Musk Trapped Inside Self-locking Cybertruck
Traitor of the Week: Quisling No. 5
Trump Forced to Listen to 45 Minutes of Balalaika Music After Putin Puts Him on Hold
Nation Rocked by Jarring Spectacle of Republican Showing Respect for Constitution
Donald Trump's Very Bad Day: An Interview with Robert Reich
Trump Gets New Podiatrist’s Note in Preparation for War with Canada
Traitor of the Week: Quisling No. 4
Trump's 200% Tariff on European Alcohol Causes Pete Hegseth to Angrily Resign
Trump Starts Selling Trump Eggs for $60 an Egg
Paul Krugman on Trump's Flaming Cybertruck of Economic Disaster
Trump Commands Americans Not to Check Their 401ks
Traitor of the Week: Quisling No. 3
Kennedy Center to Replace “Hamilton” with New Musical, “Burr”
Trump Warns of Increase in Transgender Mice Since Haitians Ate All the Cats
Trump Sets Record for Longest Speech Without Single Fact
Trump Watches Musk’s Speech to Congress From Last Row
Putin Scolds Trump: "I Got You Elected and You Haven't Said Thank You Once"
King Charles Downgrades Trump’s State Visit to Lunch with Prince Andrew
Traitor of the Week: Quisling No. 2
Zelenskyy Meets With Russian Agent
Musk Puts Trump in Charge of New Unit Called DOZE
DOGE Staffer Attempting to Fire Park Ranger is Mauled by Angry Bear
Americans Traveling to Europe Attempt Canadian Accents
Musk Forms Dept. Of Underaged Clowns Harming Everything (DOUCHE)
DOGE Math Error Results in Claim That Musk has 13 Billion Children Instead of 13
McConnell Retires: “My Work Destroying this Country is Done”
Trump Threatens to Deport Chickens Unless They Lower Price of Eggs
Zelenskyy Agrees to Hold Immediate Election and Run for President of United States
Putin Agrees to Negotiate with Musk over Ownership of Trump
Poll: Obama the Most Popular Living President; Musk the Least
Some Very Bad News for Elon Musk
Europe United in Belief That JD Vance is a Prick
Melania Realizes Valentine Not From Trump Because Her Name Was Spelled Correctly
RFK Jr.’s Confirmation Hailed By National Alliance of Funeral Directors
Trump Says White Refugees from South Africa Will Alleviate US’s Severe Shortage of Racists
Musk’s Son Calls Trump’s Gaza Plan Idiotic
Trump Says Musk Has Found Huge Fraud in Oval Office
Trump's Tariff on Aluminum Would Hike Price of Marjorie Taylor Greene's Hat
Trump Names Himself Principal Ballerina of Kennedy Center Ballet
TBR Podcast Special: The End of Elon
Massive Computer Error by DOGE Donates Musk’s Entire Fortune to Save the Children
Musk’s Team Receiving High School Credit for Running Government
Palestinians Propose Taking Ownership of Mar-a-Lago
"This Will Not Stand": A Call to Action From Van Jones
President of Mexico Betting Trump Not Capable of Remembering Tariff a Month from Now
Musk Declares Social Security Recipients Can No Longer Work From Home
Some Very Bad News for Stephen Miller
Mexico, Canada, and China Cut off Elon Musk’s Supply of Ketamine
Trump Urges RFK Jr. to Go Medieval on Health
Trump Enlists in the GOP War on Air Safety
In Flurry of Executive Orders Trump Accidentally Deports Himself to Panama
Worm Warns Senate He Has Eaten 90 Percent of RFK Jr.’s Brain
Bishop Budde vs. Mike Johnson: Who Won the Debate?
Hegseth Arrested for DUI After Crashing Tank Into Pentagon
Mexico Builds Wall to Keep Out Violent Jan 6 Criminals
Bishop Budde and Mike Johnson Debate the Bible
The Cartoonist who Crushed the Oligarchs: An Interview with Ann Telnaes
El Chapo Claims He Was Jan 6 Rioter
Nation Shocked By Spectacle of Someone in Washington Advocating Kindness
Musk Tricks Trump Into Signing Reverse Mortgage on White House
MAGA Nazi Salutes: A Pictorial History
Vivek Ramaswamy Becomes First Casualty in Survival of the Shittiest
Overwhelming Support for Sending Elon Musk to Mars
Inauguration Forecast Shows Temperature and IQ in the Twenties
Inauguration to be Held Inside Cybertruck
What to Watch Instead of the Inauguration
Bernie Blasts Trump For Moving Inauguration Inside: “Wear Some Fucking Mittens”
Zuckerberg Rethinks Meta Policy After Community Notes Call Him a Sociopath
Bye-bye Bezos: The Mass WaPo Exodus of 2025
Bezos Offers WaPo Journalists $50 Amazon Gift Cards not to Quit
Hegseth Furious That Confirmation Hearing Conflicts with Happy Hour
Fence to Keep Sexual Predator 500 Feet Away From Public
Musk's Dept. of Government Efficiency Cuts Position of Vice President
Other Places Trump Wants to Seize
Greenlanders Strand Don Jr. on Ice Floe
Nation Stunned by Apparent Existence of Rule of Law
Jimmy Carter Says Best Part of Heaven is He Will Never See Trump
George Santos Praises Facebook’s Decision to Eliminate Fact-checking
Elon Musk Tops Forbes List of Most Exhausting Men
Make America Not Embarrassing Again
Trump Predicts Biggest Crowd Ever for Sentencing of a President
Pete Hegseth Declares End to His Dry January